The heart wants what the heart wants, and what the heart wants is a machine. | July 22, 2014 | Comments (1)


It’s true we’ve had a busy and bustling summer, but I have a confession to make and it will be punctuated with Carrie Bradshaw JPGs: I’ve spent the last month living in a low-grade state of tech-related terror because my Macbook Air doesn’t seem to want to upgrade to the new OS without completely decimating the past two-and-a-half years of my life, electronically speaking. Including the guts of like half a dozen FFAF posts.

We’re going to attempt emergency partition reconstruction and a few other suggestions from very helpful friends in the next 48 hours, but I’m scared and thinking about all those times I took The Cloud for granted or squandered a shiny, brand new 1TB hard drive, letting its squished and unopened box gather dust in a neglected corner of the office. I thought I could fix it with an ethernet cable, I really did.

Hug your computers, today, guys. You don’t have to live like this. Okay? Okay.

Let’s talk summer favorites. Everlane is at it again with a new Everlane x Langley collaboration of pitch-perfect tomboy femme muscle tees ($28) and drape tanks ($24). I got my hands on the latter in a creamy slub cotton that almost gives it a softly heathered look, and now it’s waitlisted in the navy as well. The muscle tee, definitely a more androgynous but no less awesome version, is in stock in all sizes and colors. The weight and tailoring give them a lot of polish, and you can’t beat the cost per wear.

My new BFF: J. Crew’s Lillian Mirror Low Wedge in Metallic Gold. I have a few flat sandals for summer that are fine for schlepping around a beach house or on errands or a sunset stroll to the Charles, but fail to give an outfit the kind of polish I require to feel minimally presentable. (Weird personal preference, I know.) These definitely do the trick with a little lift and a lot of luxe, and are the perfect compromise between a casual flat sandal and a pair of bona fide heels. Yay!

A lot of skincare products talk a big game but deliver mediocre results, and I haven’t got the patience (or, frankly, the wallet) for all that. I had the chance to try the new Resynchronizing Skincare suite from Chanel back in June and wasn’t expecting any miracles. Well, damn it, now I’m hooked on La Nuit, the overnight product from the trio (the others are Le Jour and Le Weekend De Chanel).

The others were alright, but every time I went to bed with this on, my skin felt changed immediately, and even better in the morning. Softer, radiant and glowing. I used an even lighter hand than usual with my favorite CCs, and went totally barefaced more often. Considering how little I used, the $85 price tag doesn’t seem outrageous – I’d be surprised if the bottle didn’t last six months to a year.

Speaking of CCs, this is my summer jam (and might even be a year-round romance, who knows). I know Supergoop! isn’t at all the same as Gwyneth’s goop, but I always just kind of rolled my eyes at the brand because of the lazy name association, I guess. Which is really rude! I’m so sorry! I won’t do it again!

I was in Miniluxe, waiting to settle my bill one day when I decided to try their CC Cream. The swatch was so impressive that I tried it on my squeaky clean visage and went about my day. Hours later I did a double-take when I passed a mirror – I’d forgotten I had it on, my skin looked amazing, and I actually racked my brain for a second wondering what I’d done differently that morning! Derp. That kind of gorgeous-but-natural staying power plus SPF35 in one clever package? Sold. The only downside I can think of is the limited shade selection. I wear the darkest shade, Medium to Dark, and that’s absurd. I do love it for how it lifts and brightens so dramatically. MAKE MORE SHADES, SUPERGOOP!

We’ve all been here, right? Don’t lie. My ultimate black liner evolution started with Laura Mercier’s Tightline Cake Liner, moved to various dalliances in potted gel versions, Urban Decay’s 24/7 Glide-On Eye Pencil (first in Zero, then Perversion, which I still love), a fling with Eyeko’s Skinny and Eye Do liners, and then, once it seemed I might never find The One, the lash boosting safety and idiot-proof awesomeness of Physician’s Formula Eye Booster™ 2-in-1 Lash Boosting Eyeliner + Serum brought me to my knees, and for a cool $10.

It made me wonder what the hell I was ever doing with Laura Mercier. Just like we all have that weirdo ex that makes us cringe, so it is with makeup. My “beauty uniform” involves ultra-light coverage, Benefit PosieTint or Guerlain Terracotta Blush Sun Shimmer Highlighter in Spicy Coral, and a swipe of mascara and brow gel with a kitten eye, so a good liner I can throw on quickly is non-negotiable.

I was very intrigued by the new Benefit They’re Real Push-Up Liner. I find the mascara brittle and hateful, but the crazy concept of the liner was too exciting not to try. After the first few attempts to do it myself at home, though, I completely gave up. The clicky part was weird! It came out all funny! What the hell angle are you supposed to hold this doohickey at, anyway?!via

HINT: There is way too much product coming out of the tip in this photo!

I ignored it for two weeks, and then picked it up again. This time I clicked and no product came out, so I squeezed the rubber bit gently angrily and lo! the tiniest amount of liner peeked out. I started a cateye. It was perfect. Completely pitch black, a beautifully clean line, and it doesn’t budge. So that’s the trick! For every click, I squish appx. 3-4x, and I’d estimate using a single click per eye.

I think it’s a total game changer because it makes the retro runway cateye look really accessible, and pops like crazy in photos. With a killer mascara - I’m in love with Kevyn Aucoin’s ‘The Essential’ Mascara – you don’t need falsies at all.

Last and definitely least, we’ve fallen into the kind of stupor that only binge-watching The L Word from Season One can provide. I am ashamed and horrified to tell you that we are somehow starting Season Five. THE HEART WANTS WHAT THE HEART WANTS.

SBJ @ 9:31 PM

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Old Glory & Gingham | July 4, 2014 | Comments (1)


Since my last post, a very comfortable June sailed into July on a hot slick of humidity. We escaped the brunt of it last week in a marvelous little Cape house and on a handful of fantastic beaches – one on the bay side, one planted firmly at the easternmost point of Cape Cod, braced at the edge of the Atlantic Ocean, and finally in Provincetown proper. It was probably our Cape Coddiest vacation yet, with lobsters the hue of Stila’s Tesoro, body surfing, wishful shark sightings, big family meals and games, historical points of interest visits and treks to the lake down the road. Dreamy stuff.

We left yesterday (quite reluctantly, even with a tropical storm hurtling toward us) just in time to escape that patriotic party crasher Hurricane Arthur, and barely made it to the banks of the Charles River for the Boston Pops fireworks show last night. Phew! Happy 3rd of 4th of July, then?


Now I’m not the world’s most patriotic gal (and considering the current war on women that is quite the understatement), but I do love a good theme outfit. Why not throw on a good old red gingham ruffled Americana frock with a glittery, star-spangled twist on the Statue of Liberty crown? Even if she might’ve gone whole hog and worn red (or blue?) glitter heels instead of the conservative nude wedge route, I feel Dolly would be proud.



When I say we barely made it to the fireworks, I mean barely. We were a group of seven and driving and parking would have been madness and really expensive, so we crammed into an Uber SUV and got dropped off as close to the barricades and blocked-off streets as we could. We stopped just before the Mass Ave bridge, spread our blanket out on the lawn a few feet away from the river, and just as we settled onto it the first firework went soaring overhead. We were so close that we could see the great big flashes from where they were launched off the barge on the water. Some crazy dude on a floatie for a tiny child braved ‘that dirty water’ and floated away, followed by his equally crazy girlfriend on a shark floatie (which promptly capsized) in her bikini. The crowds were tame and polite and didn’t feel very crowded at all, and a couple of youths raising money for school cooled us off with bottled water and happily took our photo.


The finale was awesome but felt a little rushed, which it turned out to be, and almost as soon as they ended one of us spied a flash in the distance and wondered if it was lightning. Worried that it might be, we decided to hightail it to the nearest hotel lobby, and with every step we took the lightning strikes came down faster and closer, thunder rumbling. We had no idea whatsoever that police were evacuating crowds to seek emergency shelter on the Boston side of the river!


Just as we stepped under the hotel’s awning, one final crack split the sky open, we heard people screaming nearby and it started to absolutely pour. A few seconds later dozens of already-drenched people started to stream toward the hotel, most of them laughing and giddy (it was insanely hot out), a few brave souls stopping to just reach for the heavens and let it happen. The bellman rushed out with a massive stack of fluffy white hand towels, issuing them to grateful guests. I checked Uber obsessively as the pricing surged to 4.0x and the storm raged on, but we just sat and waited awhile and eventually got home safe and dry and utterly exhausted.



Since we had such a great big week with a grandiose finale, and with rain forecast for the entire day, we’re having a much-needed day of restful vacation. World Cup is on, the A/C is on, the daiquiris are made, and if our patio umbrella hadn’t smashed a hole in our dining room window while we were away last night, we’d open that sucker up over the grill and BBQ in the rain. ‘MURRICA! Plan B! There’s a sickening Hobby Lobby x Supreme Court joke in there somewhere! Hope everyone has a great (and safe) 4th out there today!


Gingham Seersucker Dress (here’s a cute one in black, and a few under $40) – Tulle | Star Crown Headband – J. Crew (similar here) | Nude Patent Wedges – BCBG Generation

Here are some fireworks from last night!






SBJ @ 1:48 PM

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From Sea to Shining River | June 26, 2014 | Comments (1)


We wanted to shoot this outfit on the Nantucket Sound at the beginning of the month, but one of the Sony A7′s very few flaws is its bloody short battery life. My old Panasonic Lumix G1′s battery could endure several days’ worth of rigorous shooting (vacation or back-to-back FFAFs, for example) before giving off that fatal beep of temporary death – I can easily exhaust the A7′s in a day. I clearly need to invest in a backup situation, but for this outfit we just took a golden hour sunset stroll to the river later that day instead.



I am by no means a shoe snob but I never really thought I’d find myself in a pair of Jessica Simpson heels. I am still having some feels about that (alright, maybe I’m a little bit of a shoe snob), but we’ll move on. I snagged them before Camp Autostraddle last month because I knew I’d need something chunky somewhat ankle-supporting for running all around Mt. Feelings, and these peep-toe cutout platform booties (shooties? that word is awful) were perfect and a really pretty cognac leather, a nice alternative to more traditional neutrals like black or nude.



It’s been a whirlwind week! Yesterday was M’s birthday, and we had a nice, low-key celebration after she got home from work, but on Tuesday I pulled off the ultimate surprise gift for her – she came home to an early birthday treat in the backyard: a massive hammock that can support up to 450 lbs. strung up on an even more massive wooden hammock stand that I put together with my own two bare femme hands! She loves it. (Of course she does, this is a person who makes vacation decisions based on whether or not a destination will meet her hammock quotas.) Furthermore, all the animals are very curious and want a turn in it.

Speaking of animals, how darling are these little Charles River goslings?!


The mamas weren’t even all that nasty like the ones around Lake Merritt. Cute, cute, cute. Totally made up for the dead battery.



After seeing so many super fly queers in their fancy, festive playsuits at the mountain wedding in May, I knew I had to find one for myself. (Especially yours, Carmen Rios!) Screw all the practical cons like having to completely disrobe every time you need to pee! If they could do it, I could suck it up, too. I found this one at Asos and loved the old-fashioned floral against such a deep blue, and knew my leather chain belt would look awesome with it. With gold heels and an updo, this could easily be summer wedding guest or fancy date night attire!



I do really love our little bit of the Charles. So calm and peaceful, with footbridges strewn around and a damn with tons of great birdwatching and paths.

Floral Playsuit – Asos | Leather Chain Belt – Zara (similar here) | ‘Maizy’ Bootie (currently half-off at Nordstrom in black and cognac leather!) – Jessica Simpson | Hat – Target | Mixed Bracelets – Madewell | Statement Necklace – J. Crew (similar) | Ring – House of Harlow 1960 (I love their jewelry a lot)

SBJ @ 1:25 PM

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FFAF’s 6th + Tomboy Femme | June 23, 2014 | Comments (7)

Get this shirt here, friends. LIKE, IMMEDIATELY. Sizes XS-2XL. 

June, June, June. I don’t even know where it’s gone, but I do know that FFAF turned six years old two weeks ago. Going to camp last month was really affirming, in terms of why FFAF is still here, and so was my (surprise) inclusion on a recent Fierce Femmes roundup from fellow New Englander, Jack Tar 207, which prompted a lot of important conversations on femme recognition and femme invisibility in many of my online “neighborhoods,” if you will. Some that tip-toed, some that pricked, some that praised.


I’d love to say we’re all drowning in a sea of myriad femmes – especially femmes of color and trans*femmes - blogging about their incredible style (and work and lives), but that doesn’t seem to be the case just yet. While it’s definitely better than it was way back in 2008, and I feel personally connected to femmes of all kinds in my public and private life, until we femmes hold a bigger corner of the internet, I think I’ll stick around a little while longer. We’re getting there.

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While I am many things – a multiracial femme in a mixed race marriage and one half of a butch-femme couple, a lesbian mom and feminist, someone who has worked for the better part of the past 20 years and is toeing the line of her mid-30s and still exploring; in my writing, in riding horses, in styling others, in pouring blood, sweat and tears into a project that hasn’t yielded one red cent but has been incredibly meaningful in ways that can’t be quantified, among a slew of other things - femme is vast, and no one of us can represent it alone. One of my favorite things about us is how we need only to claim the word in order to be it. Femme. There are no rules or hard stops or mean edges. Say it and we’ll see you. Say it and we see each other. All open arms and do-not-mess loyalty and multifaceted strength and wonder.

It’s the most incredible, boundless thing. I trust it, and I’m glad of the femmes and other folks, known and unknown, who’ve trusted me along the way. To another year of FFAF!

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In other news, summer’s here and the kid is officially halfway done with high school and my wife’s birthday is this week. She and I have been gardening like crazy. I’m cranking up the dial on my riding lessons this summer. My parents are coming to visit Sunday, so we’re taking them to a house on the Cape for a bit, and returning in time for fireworks on the Charles. Very welcome house guests will keep parading through the month of July, and I’m excited and trying not to fret over how there never seem to be enough hours in the day – I wish I was posting more often, alas! Now you see what’s been keeping me. Life’s been full!

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This outfit was fun. Big old ball skirt in ballet pink, this fantastic and highly recommended Tomboy Femme t-shirt from Autostraddle, and insanely comfy and simple mules with the tiniest baby platform. Wore it all Sunday for everything from cruisin’ around some yard sales to a matinee with the kiddo (MALEFICENT!) and strollin’ around the neighborhood, meeting cool new cats. Here are the details:

Tomboy Femme’ T-Shirt – Autostraddle | Ball Skirt – H&M (similar cut in white denim here) | ‘Raceway’ Platform Mules – Aerosoles (similar here, like walking on poofy little clouds and Mt. Feelings-proof) | Polka Dot Crossbody Purse - Madewell (similar here) | ‘Samantha’ Necklace – Jewelmint

Gratuitous cute stray cat segment:

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SBJ @ 12:19 PM

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West Dennis Light | June 9, 2014 | Comments (0)



One thing you know, you’re taking a few days easy because you just got back from California, the next thing you know you’re down for the count and feeling like death warmed up. I thought I was in the clear after A-Camp – for a whole week I clucked sympathetically while I watched camper after camper wave the white flag on the internet at some godawful sickness that began felling victims at the tail end of camp – but I’d been warned that very few, if any, of the staff escaped the mountain unscathed. I was out of commission for a week, but I’m fine now. Shout out to the excellent timing of OITNB S2! Poussey had my back.


Before all that, when I still had all my wits and health about me, I decided to kidnap a certain super foxy tomboy for a surprise stay at the Cape. The Lighthouse Inn was practically giving away beachfront cottages, and it’d been months since the hardworking tomboy had a work-free weekend. Susan Miller said the stars were in our favor and who am I to refuse the poor, beleaguered Susan Miller and her words of tender and infinite wisdom? Nobody, that’s who. Off we went.



You know how back home in the bay you can tell it’s going to be a gorgeous day but you have to wait for the fog to burn off first? It does that here sometimes, just without Karl, which more or less explains the tights.


Fun fact: This tiny, tiny miniature of the Inn’s real lighthouse, the West Dennis Light, is a little shower for rinsing off after a dunk in the ocean. It’s adorable and next to a few shuffleboard decks, which we fully intend to take advantage of the next time we’re out (which I wish was every other weekend May-October, alas). You might remember this B&B from last summer, when my BFF was out here visiting and we ran off for a seaside slumber party!

I’m wearing my Deans from Warby Parker’s Spectrum Sun Collection. I don’t know what it is about them, but especially paired with retro silhouettes they just give off such a classic glam vibe. Subdued, but there. (Plus, the sun-kissed honey color is perfect with my highlights, but the Olive color is beautiful as well).




It was very relaxing this time as well. Aside from a wedding party, it seemed we had all nine acres to ourselves and we just kind of ran amok on the beaches, lounged on deck chairs, chased actual beach bunnies, played the onsite mini golf, dug up as much dead sea vermin as we could find, and bopped around to my camp playlist in the cottage with a little fire going.


For a low-key dinner in Hyannis, I yanked the tights off and threw on a pair of chunky, open-toe sandals in a creamy cognac leather. Easy way to jazz things up a bit for nighttime with an outfit like this one. I fell hard for these scalloped linen shorts on Asos for summer – there’s just so much you can do with them. I’ll put the link to them down at the bottom of the post – they come in a ton of colors!



Collarless Blazer – H&M (similar here and here) | Striped Tank – similar here and with a leather trim hereScalloped Linen Shorts – Asos (and they’re having a 25% off the brand sale right now!) | Suede Loafers – Dana Davis (similar here) | Dooney & Bourke Bucket Bag – Vintage | Bracelets – Madewell + Brandy Melville | ‘Dean’ in English Oak – Warby Parker  

Coming up next is a Tomboy Femme T-shirt from the Autostraddle Store for Pride Month. Guess what? THE ONLY THING THAT CAN MAKE YOU MORE HOMESICK THAN CHRISTMAS IS GAY CHRISTMAS. I miss everything about San Francisco in June. The flags all over the city, City Hall all lit up, the Pink Triangle, the drama, the month-long marathon of events or bust, the jubilant energy of visitors buzzing with excitement, the activism and heightened presence of our community, the outfits – oh, the outfits!

How are y’all celebrating Pride?


SBJ @ 4:59 PM

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Crane Beach | May 27, 2014 | Comments (0)



I’m back from A-Camp! HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. It was pretty incredible, and I am pretty spent, even after a full night’s sleep.

The tomboy whisked me home from the airport late last night, then whipped me up a cocktail and sat me down to hear about all the Mt. Feelings things and stories, but when we finally stood up for bed, my body said, “Girl. Sleep. Now. And for a very long while.” It may take a day or two to catch up and feel fully restored, but I’m  savoring little luxuries like overcomplicated coffee orders and warm breakfast pastries and silence but for the birds singing, watching Gunny sleep and the curtains billow gently in the wind.



My brain doesn’t quite know how to cope with a living room that’s bigger than the cabin I was sharing with four other incredible (and I mean truly, truly incredible) people for the past seven days. I’ve never ever had a roommate but they all made it…well, wonderful.


I am ever so glad to be back home with this one and the rest of our brood, however. You might be thinking, “Silly Jonesey, these aren’t camp photos!” and you’d be right; they’re from Mother’s Day, which feels like ancient history.

But it was a beautiful day, so I’ll share them even though some time has passed.



Crane Beach is just north of Cape Ann, about an hour from Boston, and minutes from Russell Orchards, one our favorite places to get hot cider and cider donuts in New England. The road getting to the beach was jammed with cars packed full of people thrilled at the first beach day of the season after a long and miserable winter, and the four-mile stretch of sandy beach speckled with deliriously happy New Englanders.

Seriously, everyone was so happy that day. We were so happy that day. The water was Pacific Ocean-cold, but it hardly mattered.



About that sea life.




I love how effortlessly M just throws on an all-white casual outfit like it’s nothing at all. I’m pretty sure she had on navy boat shoes that day, which is the nautical cherry on top. Also beachy waves.


Like, where are our sunglasses??!




We ended the day trip on a ridiculously high note at Salt Kitchen + Rum Bar in Ipswich, MA. What you need to know about Ipswich while you drool in front of your computer screens is that it’s a very wee quintessential coastal town settled in 1633 just north of Boston, with a population just over 13,000. Melissa Ferrick grew up there, but aside from that these kinds of little towns rarely host dining establishments that could be picked up and dropped into, say, San Francisco or Oakland or New York or either Portland and do very well, but Salt is an all-around gem, with magical food and wonderfully balanced rum cocktails, both on and off menu.


So anyone visiting Boston who wants a taste of coastal life would do well to do as we did – breakfast and a leisurely drive up the coast, pop into Russell Orchards for snacks and souvenirs, frolic on the beach all afternoon long and enjoy a long and locally inspired meal at Salt. Locals, I can enthusiastically say that it’s worth the drive.


‘Spanish Nights’ Dress – Ruche | ‘Sparkle Lemon’ iPhone Case and Idiom Charm Necklace – Kate Spade | Shark Tattoo – Gordon Combs (who just – and I mean just – left Seventh Son in SF and also did my Oakland/SF tattoo)

That’s it for now, I hope everyone had a fantastical holiday weekend and for all the awesome campers I met this past week – I love you and you’re incredible and I’m so glad we have one another and let’s don’t be strangers.


SBJ @ 11:20 AM

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Blue Crush | May 9, 2014 | Comments (7)


Stuart! This blazer + our California flag combo makes me giggle because THE CALIFORNIANS.

As you may know, Southern California is a wildly different planet from the California I grew up in (for more on that, just ask Julie Goldman), but happens to be the California where my wife was raised, although she doesn’t share the same allegiance to hers as I have to mine.

In fact, she doesn’t really have an allegiance to any place, not really, and while I generally find her amusing and intriguing, lately this bit is especially so. (Plus, it makes me feel a heady little mix of vague envy and needless, low-grade anxiety.)



I read an essay of sorts this morning that a friend posted about saying goodbye to New Orleans, and it made me wonder about the human impulse to create metaphors for cities as lovers. Heaven knows I’m guilty of it, and the concept certainly lends itself more to some places than others, but I’ve been thinking a lot about the idea of home, where the romanticized version intersects with reality, a person’s expectations and how one’s childhood home informs those expectations much later in life.


The author wrote I fear I’m utterly unfit for life anywhere else and I’ve been struggling with that, too. I cherish the soft, dreamy pliancy that comes with spending the first 30+ years of my life in California, but I also haven’t got a feeble bone in my body and never wanted to be the kind of girl who couldn’t leave home. It turns out being the kind of girl who can is a lot harder than it looks.


Shark Prep

On that note, I’m headed west to recharge and get inspired at A-Camp in 10 days! I can’t wait to see familiar faces and meet lots of new ones atop Mt. Feelings, to breathe in fresh mountain air at gloriously high altitudes and get up to all kinds of nonsense in what is forecast to be splendid weather with a few hundred other cabin queers, including a wedding!



But first, Mother’s Day is Sunday! It might be a beach day here, so I’ve got my fingers crossed. This morning M asked me if I wanted a seaside brunch, and my reply was a sleepy “Sandy pancakes, please!”

A big old Happy Mother’s Day to any moms out there, and hugs to everyone who has a tough time with it this year.

‘Pixie’ Pant in Leather Tuxedo Stripe – Hudson | Thin Sweater – UO | Prep School Blazer – Thrifted | ‘Kristen’ Penny Loafers in Wine Suede – Dana Davis | ‘Shark Attack’ Necklace – Nasty Gal | ‘Kieko’ Nail Polish – Zoya

Ciao, kittens!


SBJ @ 1:49 PM

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