fitforafemme.com

Note from a femme: Welcome to my tomboy! This is her first post, so greet her sweetly! (I know y’all will, you damn HOORS.) She’ll take over from here.

Before & After

Let me explain. I have been fighting with the femme for weeks now; I insist that I need a haircut, she insists that I do not. Please see the “before” photo(s):

I was well on my way to a hard-core Mexi-mullet, complete with inexplicable FEATHERING. WTF?! Also? I look like a lopsided toadstool from the Mario video games. (I know this because over the last 3 weeks or so I have logged some 40-odd hours playing Super Paper Mario : Thousand Year Door and asking the femme to find hints for me on-line — she’s such a good girlfriend!)

It was about 900 degrees Fahrenheit in Oakland today, and once again, I threatened to cut my own hair. The femme finally relents, so I dressed up for the shoot and cut. [I shopped at nearby fabulous Rockridge vintage & contemporary boutique Pretty Penny. -Femme]

Observe how much more handsome I look POST-haircut. I even look like I smell clean! My hair is now tidy and well-behaved. And look, I have ears! No more toadstool head! I feel much better, and encourage all of you to join me in a whiskey on the rocks. Cheers.

When: Sat., June 21st, 2008

Tomboy What (some facts, loosely based on reality): Seersucker shorts from Express for Men, H&M military shirt and belt, O’Neill flip flops and the tie actually belongs to the femme. Breitling Chronographe watch (bought in NYC while hungover in the street). Vintage silver & black Equestrian tie clip.

Femme What: Dress by Mango, vintage brown leather belt with embossed spring flowers from Down At Lulu’s, Nocona cowboy boots. Sunglasses by Oscar de la Renta, vintage onyx necklace.

[Confession: That awesome skinny black tie with the cute little olive green skull & crossbones? Hot Topic. Shut up. - Femme]

When: Fri., June 20th, 2008

What: Turquoise Swiss Dot dress from ???, the Sheeba belt from last week and pony hair leopard print and ruby patent leather slingbacks from Linea Paolo. My leopard print hoop earrings (keepin’ it classy, for real) are from one of my favorite boutiques in Oakland, Glow on Lakeshore Ave. Pasty legs courtesy of my office, yay!

Confessions: The dress is from Delia’s (yesZOMGthatDelia’s, the one you used to get a catalog from in high school, where you proceeded to maim the pages with your Sharpie and very own special desire to have the crispy, put-together outfits of the girls on their pages. Or maybe that was just me. Whatever. Shut up. ).

When: Thurs., June 19th, 2008

What: “Those are NOT pants” black denim shorts from a crap dept. store called McCaulou’s, silk blouse by Vertigo and Charles David boots. Classic watch by Guess and black beaded bracelet from Juniper Tree, who has awesome boutiques in Oakland and Berkeley. That red headband is my favorite fucking headband ever. No matter that I was more excited about it than the truffles in the box it came wrapped around for Mother’s Day. (They were very good, however. They were caramels from Charles Chocolates out of Emeryville, CA.) Mm, chocolate.

Confession: Speaking of truffles, pls. to meet the pretty kitty truffle that I have waited six long days to eat. I bought her at Lula Rae, the best chocolatier in Oakland (and there are several to indulge one’s sweet tooth):

Alas, she is no more. I ate her face. Her little ears were made from almonds and she was very tasty and I want to go back and buy the whole litter!

I have been a neglectful mother to my new raiment baby and I apologize. I was too busy lunching and sexing and watching the new SATC movie (outfit was FABULOUS, but I forgot my camera) to make any new entries, and work has been hellish. Last night I was at a fabulous restaurant in a fabulous dress for a work function, but was reticent to be caught by colleagues photographing myself in dark corners adjacent to the bar. Awkward.

When: Wed., June 18th, 2008

What: Black wide-leg trousers by Express, black tank by Michael Stars, seashell cap sleeve shrug with silver sequin hearts by Jenny Han and silver and black shoes by Hollywould for Target. Ring from Laundry by Shelli Segal.

Confession: This whole look was inspired by an ancient DKNY ad. By ancient I mean Spring ‘08, I think. Whatever. The model is wearing this bathing suit with a pair of slacks and she is on a bike:

Tomorrow. More. I swan.

So, it’s Friday the bloody 13th. Boo. I was always partial to Freddie, to be honest, if we’re talking terror. Faces of Death was always the ultimate, though, in terms of VHS-generated mid-90s teenage hysteria. The damage? I stumbled at a train crossing, spilled a full cocktail (wrongful) and dropped my laptop. Not bad!

Today’s outfit was a bizarre, virginal-cum-flight attendant take on the naughty secretary theme.

When: Fri., June 13th, 2008

What: White cotton eyelet dress by Ann Taylor, thrifted blue scarf and navy belt, round-toe spectator Mary Janes in blue leather and patent by Linea Paolo.

Confessions: Silver and pearl bracelet was gifted so long ago I can’t recall the giver! For shame. I suspect it was my mother. To retaliate for the fact that all my bosses were out today, leaving me alone on a gorgeous Friday, I took these in one of their offices on a break.

Tip: Love the dress? You can get still get it in a slightly different version in Navy on their website here. You’re welcome!

Confession I: On a whim (I get those often and at the most inopportune times), I ducked into a wee thrift shop in the lush little town that I work in. Toward the back of the store, swaying seductively on a peg amongst lesser belts, Sheeba purred at me. Sheeba is a super fierce fucking hot tranny mess, betch. Seriously. You know you can’t fuck with this:

Sheeba is made from a faux reptilian, black leather and a massive faded gold cheetah buckle. I am a little scared of Sheeba, and you should be, too. Oh hai, I can haz monument moment:

When: Thurs., June 12th, 2008

What: BCBGirls dress tied with a black silk scarf, baby fishnets from Target, boots from Charles David. I fondly refer to the pictured bag as The Beast, because it has the capacity to fit, say, my 40 lb. puppy inside of it and things are often hopelessly lost in its giant, cavernous depths. I’d make a vulgar vadge joke here but that seems cruel to The Beast, whose proper name is the Union Johnson Hobo by Betsey Johnson. Bling:

I took a close-up of my Pennyroyal pendant! Also pictured below, a pair of beloved earrings from a boutique I score retail crack at shop at in the town where I work.

Confession II: I found a crispy, striped dress shirt in pink by Thomas Pink for $5! Bombass.

This femme has decided to embark upon that sueded, narcissistic path of chronicling one’s daily sartorial choices. It might get boring. Like, real fast. I am a fickle bitch, after all. So what? Let’s bring out the booze and have a ball, if that’s all there is! I just wanna show off my superfun shoes and talk mad shit and whatnot.

It will last as long as it lasts!

When: Wed., June 11th, 2008

What: Vintage pleated black dress, raspberry tank by Sparkle, thrifted wide burgundy belt and beaded necklace, pumps by Franco Sarto. One of my favorite pairs of earrings, from my loverbird – Hearts On Fire with leverbacks by Kiss My Ring. A close-up of the earrings:

Confessions: Black was a ballsy, potentially stupid choice for such a hot day, but I wanted to keep cool in the heat and still look polished and not spend longer than 5 minutes getting dressed. Voila! Even with the slip and tank layered underneath, I never broke a sweat. Also? I bought 3 of these tanks in different colors at my now defunct ghetto bargain store, where lots of Urban Outfitters castaways went to die, apparently. I still feel a kind of guilty that I kept it my own dark little secret until they went out of business. Sob. Too bad, so sad.