fitforafemme.com

When: Sunday, July 27th, 2008.

What: Black sequin tunic from Juniper Tree, cigarette pants by Laundry by Shelli Segal, black cardigan from the Erin Fetherston for GO Int’l / Target collection. Braided silver headband from modcloth.com, amazing liquid silver booties with ombre wedge heel by Apepazzo, metallic leather handbag by Dolce Vita.

Confession: I have only one very wiggly puppy to thank for these booties. She so generously sent them to me after deciding that they had my name written all over them. They’re so femmebot! she wrote excitedly. I’m so glad they’re mine now, and I can’t imagine the inspiration belonging to anyone other than one of the most fabulous original femmebot vixens ever, Barbarella.

When: Saturday, July 26th, 2008.

Femme What: Black cocktail dress by Fire, black lace and pearl necklace from Spoiled! on Broadway, pink snake skin sandals by Max Studio, creamy vintage cut-out belt and wooden bangle bracelet.

Also, I apologize that my shoes are in none of these photos, but they are exactly like the ones pictured below, but in a frothy pink snakeskin instead.

Femme Confession: How many mimosas can one kitten drink during brunch? 84,000. That’s how many. I also bossed the bartender into adding champagne to one of their signature guava cocktails, to make a sort of guava French 75, and it was fucking spectacular. In full view of our company at the table, M grabbed my tits multiple times, citing the non-fact that I was “flirting with her” and I apologize publicly for that, but do at least thank your lucky stars you weren’t subjected to her hand up my dress at Mango (a tea dance with salsa and hip-hop music for lesbots at El Rio in SF). Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Tomboy What: Brown linen pants from Banana Republic, Ralph Lauren Chaps shirt, plaid brown Aldo shoes. And a brown Guess watch the femme gave me. Mimosas courtesy of Lime.

Tomboy Confession: Hello, brunch! Anyplace that is willing to give you bottomless mimosas for $6 deserves a medal of honor, or at least a remedial arithmetic lesson. Seriously, Lime, you are bad at math, but we love you for that! I ordered huevos rancheros, but I got this really interesting set of white testes with runny yolk inside on a bed of black beans, with guacamole and salsa slathered on top. They meant THAT kind of huevos. OK! Lesson learned! Although the ambiance “music” made me slightly nauseous (at least 3 different Britney Spears songs played within a mere hour-long period, which is too much for any person with unwaxed body hair to bear), the eye-lock with the endless champagne-seas kept me focused on what was really important: jogging the liver in preparation for outdoor drinking and dancing.

When: Friday, July 25th, 2008.

What: Black silk dress with black satin v-neck and back, Carole Little. Sheeba belt, vintage. Linea Paolo peep-toe leopard print and patent leather pumps. Little glove thingees are probs from Hot Topic, but they’re ancient, so it’s totally possible they’re from that awesomely trashy and fabulous boutique in the Upper Haight that I can’t remember the name of.

Confession: Last night was the first time that I deejayed in nearly a year. I was not a little terrified and stressed, but a very nice and lovely Campbell walked me through set-up and stood over my shoulder while I got started and even taught me about this AMAZING new technology that blew my mind, where you can spin MP3s on your laptop with this special software and dummy vinyl on the actual turntables. Dreamy. I danced and got all sweaty and played my favorite Louis XIV song and scowled at the girl who had the nerve (THE NERVE!) to ask me to play that fucking twat Katy Perry song, but did fulfill two other song requests!

I’m off. Bottomless mimosas await me in the Castro!

When: Thursday, July 24th, 2008.

What: Saucy little vintage hat with roses, bow and veil in copper satin and tulle. Silver ‘Hearts On Fire’ earrings from Kiss My Ring, solid onyx pendant with magnet closure from Glow. Embroidered cotton tunic with mirrors and wooden beading by Romeo & Juliet Couture, trousers by Elie Tahari. Bronze and dark green peep-toe heels from Carlos by Carlos Santana, by way of Macy’s.

Confession: Before we go any further, let me say that Besame’s Enchanting Lipstick in Chocolate Kiss is a perfect shade. In fact, all of their lipsticks are incredible. I highly recommend them. Yes, they’re tiny and yes, the packaging is fussy and delicate, but you’ll get many miles out of these small wonders, especially if you use a nifty little lip brush.

I managed to snag a lovely lip brush from Fresh for 75% off the original price of nearly $30 yesterday! Also, damn you, Fresh, because you make me want your Firebird mascara and I am already in love with your Sugar Lip Glosses!

Now, I didn’t really wear this hat to work, because the busybodies would have had conniption fits all up and down the hallways, but isn’t it gorgeous? Oh, and that’s a glass of Freixenet with a splash of Odwalla’s Pomagrand, by the by. Refreshing and healthy!

NEWS FLASH: ZOMG, are y’all ready for the weekend? Tomorrow night I’ll have a fancy DJ outfit on, and the night after that a pretty brunch ensemble AND another night-on-the-town get-up, because baby is going d-a-n-c-i-n-g!

When: Monday, July 21st, 2008.

What: Skinny black cigarette pants by Guess Jeans, striped sheer blouse with tie-neck by Do & Be from modcloth.com, belt by Polo Ralph Lauren, shoes and bag are both vintage. I love the little black and white leather dashes on the red shoes and the faux silver snakeskin on the bag’s geometrical detail; they’re so unapologetically 80s! I can’t remember where I got the pretty hair combs, but I do know that my hair is SO FUCKING THICK that I had to secure them over Conair Locking Bobby Pins, which I bought in bulk in Knoxville, TN, because I was afraid I’d never see them again, ever.

Confession: In reality, this outfit had a pair of black, wide-leg trousers with my red Linea Paolo flats instead of the va-va-voom hotness you see here, but fuck all that noise. This is something I’d wear to go see little indie art galleries or for a game of miniature golf!

When: Sunday, July 20th, 2008.

What: Embossed leather cuff with eagles from Dollywood, vintage geese t-shirt from Panatela Tops by Levi’s. Insanely pretty hair courtesy of my superior genes and Seth from Down At Lulu’s.

Confession: I am a daft cow and forgot entirely to take any “before” photos. I am deeply sorry for this. (However, isn’t this whole blog sort of a “before”? Yes.) Moving on.

You know your stylist/colorist loves you when you march into the salon biting one of your fists with hair anxiety and clutching no less than 15 photos of various styles and shades to whittle down in the other fist, and they’re all “Oooh, let’s look at what you’ve got!” as opposed to, say, kicking your sorry ass out of there.

My requests: Keep the length whilst tidying up the ends, clean up and accentuate layers into a sort of long, piece-y shag, lighten my natural dark, reddish brown with a warm, rich brown. Peek-a-boo strands of ruddy caramel underneath optional. M’s requests: Breezy hair. Every photo I asked of her in order to support her request was basically a girl with long hair standing in a strong wind. Ridiculous. Alas, when Seth was done and the lipstick-print robe was whisked off of me, M leaned in and whispered, “Jonesey, it looks breezy!” – success! And without a lick of wind, even!

Anyway, I’m totally thrilled with it. The brown is so lovely, my hair so soft, and the cut came out just the way I’d envisioned!

In natural light:                                           With the light on:

When: Saturday, July 19th, 2008.

What: Polka dot woven sandals by Kensie (formerly Kenzie), James Cured by Seun jeans, lace-trimmed “milkmaid” blouse by FANG, pretty blue Dentelle bra by Elle Macpherson and little burnt orange clutch by Lela Rose for Payless. Yes, Payless, bitches.

Confession: We were going to MOMA today to see the Frida Kahlo exhibition, but I’ve punted it to next weekend because it’s just been a very lazy, sleepy, sexy morning in bed. At 2PM I was still in my robe drinking coffee while M made pastries (from scratch!) for “breakfast”! We did leave the house to take my petite to get her hair cut at M’s salon in Rockridge, so I got dressed. This top is nothing special at all, but I love the colors in all the leaves and flowers, so muted and soft, and it has a low-cut-yet-demure neckline, which is how it earned the milkmaid title. Anyway, I can’t wait to show you my Frida at MOMA outfit when we do go, because it’s going to be very lovely and I fell asleep dreaming of it last night.

SUNDAY NOTICE: ZOMG, before and after pics of my hair, so check back in the evening or whilst bored at work on Montag. XO!