fitforafemme.com

When: Tuesday, Sept. 30th, 2008.

Femme What: Leopard-print shirtdress by Express Design Studio. Vintage scarf & black suede pumps. Super skinny belt in cocoa by Elie Tahari. Cerulific purse from modcloth.com.

Confession: I wanted sundown light, but twilight on the train tracks worked out just as well. This one was really fun and sort of impromptu; after tidying up the loft and waiting for the juicy pork chops and au gratin to cool a bit before dinner, M & I slipped downstairs to find a good place to take some FFAF photos.

Tomboy What: Black shirt from Alfani, grey plaid slacks from BDG, Kenneth Cole boots, Ben Sherman belt buckle. God Save The Queen!

Tomboy Confession: The femme likes my junk in these pants! As soon as I got home she fussed and fawned, stared and grabbed at it and finally made me climb on top of her. I kid you not. It was most excellent! (ZOMG, I can’t believe she just said all that to y’all. Alas, it is true. A little vulgar, but true. You would grab, too, if it happened to you!)

There are many parallels between the world of fashion and the culinary world. Both are grueling, merciless and prone to (oft unfortunate) trends that come and go. In their finest moments, both result in exquisite, sumptuous works of art that are wearable or edible, meant to be consumed and in the act of consuming permit one to truly live. Both have their classics, their unspoken rules. Both can be reduced to levels of such mediocrity that their products are merely a means of getting by. We do, after all, require food and clothing.

When it comes to couture cuisine, I am my fashion opposite. I’m a very “shy” eater. I lack that adventurous spirit and innate confidence when it comes to sitting down to dine on the unfamiliar or unusual.

That’s my very wordy preface to the following, which is a Top 100 list of foods everyone worth their salt should try in a lifetime.

VS.

The bolded items I’ve tried

The crossed out items I’d never even think of touching.

The italicized items I haven’t tried, but would like to.

1. Venison
2. Nettle tea
3. Huevos rancheros
4. Steak tartare
5. Crocodile
6. Black pudding
7. Cheese fondue
8. Carp
9. Borscht
10. Baba ghanoush
11. Calamari
12. Pho (I don’t even know what this is!)
13. PB&J sandwich
14. Aloo gobi
15. Hot dog from a street cart
16. Epoisses (it’s possible)
17. Black truffle
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes
19. Steamed pork buns
20. Pistachio ice cream
21. Heirloom tomatoes
22. Fresh wild berries
23. Foie gras
24. Rice and beans
25. Brawn, or head cheese
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper
27. Dulce de leche
28. Oysters
29. Baklava
30. Bagna cauda (with bread!)
31. Wasabi peas
32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl
33. Salted lassi
34. Sauerkraut (Oh hai, I’m ½ German. Thanks, Mom!)
35. Root beer float
36. Cognac with a fat cigar
37. Clotted cream tea
38. Vodka jelly/Jell-O
39. Gumbo
40. Oxtail (I feel strongly that I’ve had something with oxtail in it, perhaps a stew?)

41. Curried goat42. Whole insects
43. Phaal
44. Goat’s milk
45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more
46. Fugu
47. Chicken tikka masala
48. Eel
49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut
50. Sea urchin
51. Prickly pear
52. Umeboshi (it sounds like this should be extracted and used in beauty products, though)
53. Abalone
54. Paneer
55. McDonald’s Big Mac Meal
56. Spaetzle
57. Dirty gin martini (I like my gin in champagne, thanks)
58. Beer above 8% ABV
59. Poutine
60. Carob chips
61. S’mores
62. Sweetbreads
63. Kaolin
64. Currywurst
65. Durian
66. Frogs’ legs
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake
68. Haggis
69. Fried plantain
70. Chitterlings, or andouillette
71. Gazpacho (soup should never be cold)
72. Caviar and blini
73. Louche absinthe
74. Gjetost, or brunost
75. Roadkill
76. Baijiu or shaojiu
77. Hostess Fruit Pie
78. Snail
79. Lapsang souchong
80. Bellini
81. Tom yum (I might have had some version of this at an SF Thai place once- if so, it was delicious)
82. Eggs Benedict
83. Pocky
84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin star restaurant
85. Kobe beef (If I have, I don’t remember)
86. Hare NOES! DON’T EAT BUNNIES!
87. Goulash
88. Flowers
89. Horse
90. Criollo chocolate
91. Spam
92. Soft shell crab
93. Rose harissa
94. Catfish
95. Mole poblano
96. Bagel and lox
97. Lobster Thermidor
98. Polenta
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee (Caribbean coffee is not my cuppa)
100. Snake

(List courtesy of Bangs Are The New Black!)

When: Monday, Sept. 29th, 2008.

What: Silk blouse by Chelsea Flower (I recently discovered them and love their pretty, floaty tops and dresses. Find your own here or here!). Purple velvet tiered skirt with embroidered flowers by BCBG Max Azria. Belt from modcloth.com and hot pink pumps by Chinese Laundry.

Confession: I had total gay arm in the photo with my pretty chestnut leather Hobo Int’l clutch. Anyway, here it is. The gay arm and the clutch! Pretty, right? The clutch, I mean. Not the unfortunate positioning of my hand. I blame all of this on Mad Men. I noticed it earlier this evening when I was buzzing myself into the building. “Petite,” I said, “is my hand always like this?” She glanced at it and started giggling maniacally, but eventually she said no. See? TOTES BIRDIE’S FAULT.

Speaking of, she is kind of bad ass, so YES PLEASE:

Here are partial photos of the Badgley Mischka dress I have decided to reject as a candidate to the grand old soirree coming up in a few weeks. I am DJing a dear friend’s wedding. Of course, I need a dress that is both flattering and very comfortable. This one was lovely, but the winner was lovelier! It just wasn’t meant to be.

Besides, I’ve already got the perfect shoes to go with the winner! (Alas, I am in dire need of the perfect strappy, elegant silver heels. Suggestions?)

When: Sunday, Sept. 28th, 2008.

What: Dark grey trousers from Laundry by Shelli Segal. Blue chiffon tank by Persaman (the dress version is available, apparently, here). Blue patent and leather Mary Janes by Linea Paolo, who has some serious, bitchslappy Oxfords out right now, actually. Teal bracelet by H&M. Vintage scarf, Guess watch (with new diamond-studded band, seeing as how the puppy nom-nom-nommed my old black leather one).

Confession: I really can’t talk right now. After a few episodes of Mad Men Season I last night, I had to go to bed early, because I had to be at a “retreat” this morning at 7AM. Vom. The only positive was the baby cannolis at the lunch buffet. Oh, and the gorgeous dahlias I ordered for centerpieces. Two of which are livening up the loft at this very minute. I, on the other hand, am pretty much a zombie right now.

1st Fit For A Femme FLASHBACK POST Ever! ZOMG!

When: Saturday, Aug. 11th, 2007.

What: I have no idea. Black!

Confession: M’s eyeliner was mentioned on the other day’s makeup post, and there was a request for pics! In the interests of pleasing my beloved readers, here are pics from The Cure Tribute Night at Club Gossip in SF, which is located at the Cat Club on 9th & Folsom. Good times. M & I met there on a crispy February night in 2005! Except on that night it was a lesbian club named Hot Pants, which still exists. Yay.

We try real hard to be moody, with little success, then we kind of nail it, but ruin it by cracking up. So not goth:

When: Tuesday, Sept. 23rd, 2008.

What: Corduroy trousers from Tulle, with white Rebecca Beeson tank and black H&M vest. Gucci scarf. Navy patent pumps from Nine West. My buttery new Emilie M. bag!

Confession: I suppose that I felt like dressing for a Friday this morning (i.e. jeans) and cords were my compromise. The Gucci scarf was a total cheat for feeling dressier than I actually was!

Today on a whim, M mentioned wanting a plant for her office. So, on my way home I stopped at a fancy shop and found a handsome square pot in manly green stripes, and fitted nearly a dozen or so ferns into it before settling on a lovely mother fern. It smells like dirt. The only fragrant orchids they had were much too feminine for her. The nice woman there potted it, put it in a fancy open gift box with a matching organza ribbon, and off I went. I came home to find that M had beat me there, but she thought it was the most handsome plant she’s ever seen! A little success, and something stately and alive to keep her company at work.

PS. My puppy busted my bottom lip, hence the title of this post. We were playing on the couch and I gave him a kiss on the nose and the little fucker repaid my affections by slamming his fat head up against my lip, which gnashed against my teeth and POP! blood and bruisy and ow. Little adorable bastard. I figured I would spare you all a photo of that, but here is the culprit.

When: Monday, September 22nd, 2008.

Femme What: Black pencil skirt from H&M, sheer black paisley blouse by I.C.E., clutch from Fred Flare and belt from modcloth.com. Patent sandals by Enzo Angiolini.

Tomboy What: Grey ‘Producer’ slacks from Men’s Express (I must have like 10 pairs of these by now), white Volcom shirt, black Nautica military sweater (thick). Skater shoes from Element.

Confession from M: It was so cold this morning, I climbed back under the covers while waiting for the iron. So I dressed for Fall, but by the time I got to work, I was slapped in the face by more summer. I surrendered around 1PM and finally took my sweater off. There is much to love about California, but on days like today there is also much to hate. Is 12 hours of consistent weather spanning 30 miles too much to ask?? Make up your mind, Earth! I can’t keep up with your shenanigans. Like the Jonesey says: It Should Just Work™.

Femme Confession: I gave M that sweater. I like to dance. I love these photos. That is all.