fitforafemme.com

Last Saturday felt lazy, even though we left our cloud (our nickname for the fluffy new king-sized Ralph Lauren blanket we bought recently) to run a handful of errands. I wasn’t feeling super well, but we needed to go out and forage for driftwood-y tree ornaments and find an HTML5 book for M, so off we went! I perked up a bit when I snagged the very last copy of this Lula magazine and after a few sips of a gingerbread latte.

Lula and The Gentlewoman are two fancy-pants magazines I really, really look forward to buying collecting, whenever new issues come out. In a way they feel like sister magazines; one girlish, whimsical and very clever, the other almost frighteningly smart, self-possessed and beautiful. Both are incredibly lovely. I’ve noticed a few similar magazines pop up in the market, but I don’t think there’s really a comparison. The thoughtfulness of them isn’t something that can be hastily replicated!

If you’re in the SF Bay Area and wonder where you can get your hot little hands on either, try Issues just off Piedmont Avenue in Oakland (they carry everything under the sun and staff are always genuinely friendly and helpful), or the incomparable Fog City News on Market in SF (they double as a candy shop that carries one of the most outstanding selections of artisan chocolates the world over as well as a grand array of old-fashioned soda pop).

Bonus tip: Tomboys might love the high-end magazine selection at F.S.C. Barber’s tiny boutique on Valencia, or the ones at Unionmade in the Castro! They make fantastic stocking stuffers, if you happen to be looking for those final little items.

My Eleven Objects collar is on its way to me, and so are my five frames to try on from Warby Parker! I’m so excited. M has a pair from them and a handful of my friends have their frames, too, so I’m giving some a test-drive in anticipation of my annual January optometry appointment. I got it into my head that I need a pair just like James Dean’s, so I narrowed it down to these bad boys and one will surely be the winner!

It’s a total departure from anything I’ve had in the past, and I hardly wear my glasses as it is, but perhaps with a cheeky new pair all that will change! It’s all part, I think, of my gradual migration into an occasional tomboy femme aesthetic. First, the Everlane t-shirts, now this…what next?!

Dress: Fire
Tights: Hue
Blazer: Asos
Calf-Hair Ankle Boots: Adrienne Vittadini

I just tossed on some of these Old Navy bracelets and my Betsey Johnson sugary skull earrings, and called it a day! That, a fishtail braid, bright pink lips and soft grey eyeshadow, for a mellow and relaxing day.

We took these yesterday, when the ground was still soft and wet from Saturday’s rainstorms. I was still recovering from all the fun we had at the Wild Flag show at Great American Music Hall in San Francisco.

After so many years of seeing lots of amazing shows in the Bay Area, GAMH is hands-down the winner. It’s over a hundred years old and lovingly restored despite its seat in the less than desirable Tenderloin, it always feels incredibly intimate but never awkwardly so (like at Cafe du Nord or Bottom of the Hill – both definitely great, but not in the same league as GAMH), its got food and well-made drinks and just feels comfortable. I walk in there and it somehow feels homey to me.

WILD FLAG! They were really, really perfect. I haven’t danced like that in ages. Everyone was amazing, but Carrie especially so – there was a lovely amount of cheerful bantering with the audience, and she’d would bounce back and forth from being very deeply and seriously draped over her guitar to being unable to suppress infectious ear-to-ear grins that we all lapped up like drunk kittens. I wish I could have asked her where she got her blouse. It was really gorgeous on her.

There was plenty of slithery slithering of guitar parts and a line about hair-pulling in a new song which nearly killed me and trademark Carrie-kicks and the exceptional Racehorse went on for like 20 minutes and I. didn’t. want. it. to. ever. stop. Ever. I think I’m mildly whip-lashed from working it out so hard during the show. Perfect, perfect, perfect. 

The audience was, as expected, heavily queer. For instance, I bonded with another femme over our identical cowgirl bags and we ran into some friends whilst foraging for a bite or two. I managed to scare off the one rude (and very tall) hipster who tried to elbow his way in front of us right in the middle of the show. M bought one of the band’s t-shirts – it’s so awesome, wait until you see it! – and I had a major fangirl moment (aside from this entire post), but I refuse to bore you with the details. When the show ended, we took off for a midnight adventure by-the-sea under a sky full of stars, and slept like babies once we were home and tucked into bed.

Trusty, Rusty Corduroys: Gap
Fringed Pony Tank: Lovebyrd
Denim Shirt ,Fur Collar: Vintage
Calf-Hair Wedge Boots: Adrienne Vittadini
Necklace: Galibardy
Earrings: Betsey Johnson

Hope everyone had wonderful weekends and remembered to Fall Back. Posting daily sure is kicking my ass, but surely somewhere in all this is an effective lesson on self-discipline, right?

Cheers,

FFAF

How did things even work before Google calendar? I mean, I’ve used Moleskine diaries more or less for the past ten years but I cannot recall the act – outside of business – of consulting it for my personal or social life. I know I’ve documented things in them (kept most of them, actually – I’m a bit of a packrat when it comes to paper) – but I certainly have no memory of coming home on a Friday night and musing over my entries to see what I had committed to that weekend.

This is all to say that last night at ten to eight, whilst standing in line at Trader Joe’s after happy hour cocktails, my phone alerted me to the fact that we had a show to be at in ten minutes. I was shocked. I’d forgotten about it completely! How could I?! It was Wild Flag! I love Wild Flag.

Long story short, we ended up with tickets to their show tonight instead – we’re lucky they’re playing two nights. I probably would have breezed through the whole weekend without realizing it if it weren’t for Google calendar (and my Android phone).

Or maybe I should digress back into good old pen on paper, after all.

Now to the outfit at hand. Say hello again to my awesome bear tights from Latvian designers QooQoo. The cold is sticking for now, we’ve got rain predicted all weekend, and I’ve got firewood (and books) stacked and ready to go just as soon as it starts to rain. Between that, a kettle of Earl Grey and pumpkin muffins baking in the oven, it’s going to smell like heaven in here very soon.

SWEATER DRESSES ARE HERE TO STAY, HOORAY!

Slow-mo hair toss.

The dress is H&M and I’ve got another in a soft, peachy cream shade. I cinched in the waist with an Yves Saint Laurent obi belt in black suede, and popped on my cuffed and studded black suede ankle boots by Trouvé. The fur collars are vintage, and the big black Union Jack bag in leather is from Betsey Johnson.

Let’s talk about nail polish! I’ve been doing all kinds of super basic but really fun nail designs myself. This set is all Zoya polishes: Cynthia (smoky, blackened peacock teal) with Jinx (warm, coppery bronze) for the tips. I love the color combination. The (truly, truly, truly) outrageous feather earring is from Macy’s and came in a pair, but it’s best to wear just one at a time. I got the nudie friendship bracelet from a lovely gal at Indie Mart here in SF, the ring from Pretty Penny in Oakland, and that’s it!

Have a cozy weekend, y’all.

/FFAF

Guess who needs a haircut? OK, we both do, but Conor, Conor, Bird. My goodness. What an adorable young ruffian.

My hairstylist has zero availability for the rest of the month, so my hotshot plans to get a quick trim before the wedding in Boston at the end of the month are bullocks. Thank God I was able to squeeze in a facial next week. I’m doing that femme thing where I’m like bangs redux vs. growing out the bangs and it’s fucking HOMO PANIC ROOM CENTRAL. I mean, this is the dress I’m going to wear and wouldn’t it cause tectonic digressions in your psyche, too?

And yes, I’m hunting down the perfect moto and must collect a million fabulous rings to wear it with. Can’t I just get this in pink and white and oh, all of these while I’m at it? Can’t I?!

Y’all? It was my birthday yesterday. Tuesday birthdays are kind of ho-hum, I suppose, and I had to go to work on my birthday for the first time in I-can’t-remember-how-long. Sneaky M took the day off without my knowing and spent all day baking assorted cupcakes – rainbow chip, bunny-shaped cupcakes in pink, baby cupcakes with magical sprinkles – prepping for a delicious grilled filet mignon dinner, decking out every corner of the house with beautiful pale pink roses and bright pink tulips, and putting up birthday decorations.

The moment I walked through the door, she kissed me and plunked a MASSIVE strawberry daiquiri into my hands. I was so surprised to see how lovely everything looked, and I was content as a kitten to have a nice, low-key night. My family called and sang Happy Birthday in an impressive full three-part harmony, too, and my friends lavished well wishes on me all day long. I’m a lucky girl!

I’ve read both of Chris Cleave’s novels, Incendiary and Little Bee (The Other Hand) and we’re meeting with our book club on Friday night to discuss the latter. But later this weekend, in the spirit of celebrating my 31st birthday all month long, M is taking me shopping for Parisian lingerie, we’ll have dinner at Garçon! or maybe Restaurant Ducroix or Chez Papa and then take in a bit of theater at the American Conservatory Theater to see No Exit. Perhaps a spot of dancing will be had.

I’ll have riding lessons and we’ll check out some lighting equipment for my studio, which she’s promised to procure and build as soon as I commit to something (which is going to be so difficult – I’ve done hours of research and am not a lick closer to deciding).

Have I mentioned that I absolutely adore my thirties?

Dress, Cardigan: Target
Belt, D&B Bag, Sunglasses: Vintage
Pumps: BCBG
Necklaces, top to bottom:
Banana Republic, Mexico, Betsey Johnson
Wooden bangle: Pier One

This was such a fun project. However strong your own personal sense of style, it’s always nice to get a fresh perspective, especially when you’re looking at ways to make one dress versatile for an entire holiday season’s worth of parties and soirees. My dear friend KA, whom you might recall from her guest post here nearly a year ago, asked me to help her accessorize a holiday party dress. We’re both unabashedly femme, gay married, our tomboys have been friends for years, and though we live miles and miles apart from one another the mutual adoration never wanes (we’re in SF, they’re in Boston)!

Of course, when she came to me with this gorgeous, playful number, I didn’t want to let her down. Let’s take a look at some of the looks I threw together, keeping her preferences above in mind:

There’s only way to approach mixing navy in with black: BALLS TO THE WALL. Okay, maybe that’s not true. Maybe there’s some ultra-conservative, Brooks Brothers way to do it, but I prefer a shoe that says “DO NOT MESS” with lots of edge and structure, to counter the sweetness of the dress. On the opposite end of that is going with soft, shimmery neutrals – the nude and silver shrugs and shoes sparkle and only enhance the star of the show – KA and her dress! I threw in a majorly festive tartan bolero with mega-ruffles that screams Charlotte York, just for fun. I wanted all of the choices to work with her style and her amazing, lovely tattoos.

Let’s see what she liked best, shall we?!

Rosette Shrug: http://www.etsy.com/listing/61427872/poison-navy-raw-silk-bolero-m-size
Feathers Purse: http://www.etsy.com/listing/51151053/new-handmade-black-dupioni-silk
Strappy Shoes: http://www.lorisshoes.com/product.asp?lt=d&deptid=4304&pfid=LDS16481
Sparkly Shoes: http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/3122881?origin=category
Earrings: http://www.lorisshoes.com/product.asp?lt=d&deptid=8277&pfid=LDS16283
Green Shrug: http://www.etsy.com/listing/59919103/eve-bolero-shrug-wedding-bridal-or

I lost the lizard/gecko earrings she liked. They’re Betsey Johnson and I just can’t find them anywhere! Not in my history, not in my browser memory, nada. I will keep looking, though. THEY WERE JUST THERE LAST NIGHT.

I think my fave combo is the same Dolce Vita sparkly shoes KA likes – they’re sexy and a little rock ‘n roll – with the art dec0 chandelier earrings in the same collage way above, on the lower right. I’d probably try and find a vintage black fur shrug or bolero to toss all haphazardly over my shoulders if needed. We have majorly different styles (that’s the beauty of femme – endless varieties and manifestations of PRETTY), so I love that we liked the same shoe a lot. How would you wear it?

Yours,

FFAF

PS. Are you facing any particular sartorial challenges, holiday-related or not? Tell me in the comments or send me an email at fitforafemme@gmail.com!

PPS. I love SO MUCH that someone made this collage so that I didn’t have to:

I got home late tonight. My last frantic moments at work today involved calling 84,000 cab and car service companies to try and get my colleagues to a mansion for an event I wasn’t attending. (Despite a great deal of peer pressure for me to attend for “just one drink” or to ” pop by for a second” and “mingle for a few minutes” etc.)

I myself attempted to catch a taxi to get to my hair appointment .9 miles away, but there were no taxis to be found, and so I hoofed it the entire way, showing up 20 minutes late, sweat upon my brow, breathless. God bless my stylist, for he swooped me with reassurance into his chair and regaled me with stories of Autumnal surfing whilst perfecting my fringe.

After that, I bounced out of the salon with the kind of self-satisfaction that comes with a head of meticulously cut hair, hopped into a taxi snagged from a guest checking into the Hotel Triton, and it whisked me off to Cask at 3rd and Market. There I picked up some orange bitters, a bottle of Combier, and enough Bulleit to warrant an officiously stamped carry-along cardboard box.

You know what else all that warranted? A bloody taxi home.

You know what else I did while I was there? I hung out with Tom Bulleit, the great-great-grandson of Augustus Bulleit, and the man behind the revival of the brand and the bourbon. He was a real treat – a gentleman through and through – cheerfully waving his handlers away to linger over an old barrel conversing with me about everything from the wonder of Gaudi architecture to NOLA to Cool Hand Luke and then some, and not only indulging my request to take a photo, but insisting on taking ones of his own to “beam to the Facebooks” and such.

I had him sign a special bottle for M. She adores it, and ran it right into the bedroom to place on her shelf reserved for only her most handsome, manly things.

So that’s why I was late. Late enough to miss all the day’s light and late enough to miss my turn to take the dogs out, almost too late to cook dinner, but that’s why God invented casseroles. M & the petite came with me to take some HIGH FLASH photography of this outfit at a mini-park nearby. The petite fell off a swing. I mangled myself on the monkey bars. The tomboy employed some rather interesting engineering for just the right lighting and hilarity ensued, and when we all came barreling back through the front door, the house smelled of our smoky Havana candles and of dinner baking in the oven.

Blazer: Banana Republic
Blouse: H&M
Pants: Silence + Noise
Necklace: Betsey Johnson
Oversized Clutch: Vintage
Boots: Lamica
Hair: Paul @ Elevation Salon

Since a post titled this wouldn’t be complete without it, here:

We adore this woman more than we can possibly say. I wish to God she existed in present day, as our drunk ass BFF:

Welcome to my Saturday! Glorious weather, great beach, clear blue skies, short dress, hot tomboy. We stomped all over Ocean Beach in San Francisco, do you know what they say about it here?

The water is also quite cold, due to a process known as upwelling, in which frigid water from below the ocean surface rises up to replace the surface water that moves away from the beach as a result of the Coriolis effect. The rapid rip currents  and cold water make the ocean dangerous for casual swimmers or even for those who simply want to set foot in it, and many swimmers have been swept away and drowned as a result.

In fact, it is said to be the most hazardous and dangerous urban beach in the United States.

Which is why I’m hiding out here.

Just kidding. Here is where the surfers put their surfboards.

I can attest to the both the chill of the water and the hypnotizing pull of it. You can stand there as it swirls around your calves, freezing the blood in your veins, and nearly lose your balance with it all rushing about. It’s beautiful and yes, it can be terrible. We went back on Sunday and the beach looked completely different than it had the day before, the waves behaved differently, the birds flew together in spectacular bursts like fireworks.

I grew up in this water, being a native, and parts of my life have been played out against its bracing backdrop.  My aunt would tell us stories about swimming at the Sutro Baths there, I’ve tagged along with my big sister to countless bonfires and written a great deal of bad and sandy poetry on its shores, a childhood friend drowned himself there early one foggy morning years ago, meals have been had at the Cliff House, nighttime trips have been made – wrapped in woolly coats and the arms of my loverbird in the dark – when the moonlight hits all the sand blown sideways by the rough wind.

That is never changes and yet changes always is what makes its constancy so perfect, I think. Like love, no?

We just wanted to take the fresh, clean, salty sea air. We walked up and down the same stretch at least a dozen times, collecting sand dollars, shells, with M gleefully poking at anything that might be dead and rotting. The hem of my dress was still soaking wet when we left, and my right boot was still damp. We were happy and felt well!

Alas. Here I am, home sick on a glorious Monday, chained to the couch in my pajamas (well, M’s pajamas) and to a lingering cold or flu or curse that wrenches deep, dry coughs from my chest and congestion that won’t quit. Despite the natural remedies passed on through the generations in my wife’s family, good old Western medicine, straight-up denial and everything in-between, I’ve been felled by whatever felled the tomboy last week. Bullocks!

She’s on her way home as I type this, which is good, because I need someone to pet my head and tell me that I’m still cute as a button even when sick as a dog.

(Dogs are really very rarely sick, you know, that expression is ridiculous.)

Dress: Fairground
Vest: Garage sale find for $1!
Bag: Betsey Johnson
Cuff: Dollywood
Boots: Nocona
Silver: Vintage

Also, I took this photo of some adorable high schoolers hanging out – they were so shiny and happy and really sweet: