fitforafemme.com

Last night we went dancing at a party where they played lots and lots and lots of songs by Depeche Mode (and The Cure, which pleased me greatly). I wore a green dress with black polka dots. I don’t know that I’ve ever owned a great deal of green clothing, but suddenly it seems polka dotted numbers in green are a thing I do now. The mysterious Tommy has given me a ton of fantastic tips for my new and still very much a work-in-progress FFAF studio, but for now these and my in blessed natural night posts will have to do.

This outfit was thrown on in a great hurry on Thursday last week. I was going for easy. Here’s a blouse that doesn’t need pressing! I thought. These black velvet trousers will do just fine and I pulled them off the hanger. Try to at least look like you’ve put in effort, I scolded myself, and then threw on the vest. I am very lucky that high topknots are in right now, because like hell I had time for that malarkey. I hopped down the stairs putting in my earrings and shoved a fistful of bobby pins into my pocket to catch the strays.

Off I went to work, but not before M drowsily informed me that I looked like a fancy Puerto Rican girl.

Black velvet trousers: Erin Fetherston for Target
Blouse: Vintage
Vest: Hengst
Earrings: Claire’s
Bracelet: Modcloth (I think, hard to remember)
Shoes: Yves Saint Laurent

Now that, friends and lovers, is a sky scrubbed clean by all the storms we had this weekend. By Sunday morning it didn’t look it, as you can see, but we had some serious weather; sheets of rain pitched about by volatile wind, hail, a touch of flooding, loads of thunder and lightning.

The papers went balls to the wall over them, using words like “violent”, “theatrical” and “wallop”, which is my personal favorite.

W A L L O P.

On Saturday during the very worst best of it we ran around the new house hollering and squealing and flinging doors wide open like fools, standing wide-eyed counting one-one-thousand, two-one-thousand, three-one-thousand whilst waiting for the thunder to come crashing down around us, giggling madly.

We’re spoiled Bay Area girls; we get excited when Mother Nature pitches a fit. Even a wee one!

I am very much still in my nude-beige-flesh-blush tone phase. I love that this bag is a taupe-y mushroom shade, has just the right dash of sparkle and is a perfect match for my Dollywood foxtail. The earrings are a touch heavier than I can deal with for very long, but have gorgeous earth tones – red clay, cream, soft olive green, the same taupe as the bag, and the floral silhouette is etched on the backs – a nice touch for big earrings that are easily turned around!

In home decorating news, we went thrifting Saturday and scored a beautiful dusty rose velvet armchair for the living room, two sets of antique lamps for an absolute steal (just $39 for both sets), and another antique lamp as we’ve got quite a bit of space to illuminate. Our new couch arrived dry by some miracle on Friday, and yesterday – just after these pics were taken! – we all set off post-brunch for an afternoon at the pet store acquiring supplies for the petite’s new fish tank.

Here are the little guys we’re starting her out with:

There are ghost-y, creamy white versions of these guys, with the same glow-in-the-dark blue eyes. She’s getting those, too.

Denim: Levi’s
Blouse: Ultra Pink
Mini Crossbody Bag: Freebird by The Sak
Boots: Rock ‘N Rose
Earrings: Claire’s

CONFESSION: Last night, I tried on two of those POS wanker Victoria’s Secret fragrances I got forever ago, with a pair of super soft, sexy pajamas (free slippers with purchase!). One was so gross and cloyingly sweet that M described it as “someone trying to layer on perfume over dirty ass” and I simply referred to it as a whore’s bath perfume. Seriously. I refuse to even bequeath it to anyone since it screams CRUSTY SLUT + EXCESS BRONZER. It’s called Ooh La La, but is more like Oh, Hell Nah. I really hope none of you like it, because I’m not going to feel bad and I’m not going to take it back, either! (Damn it, I just realized that I reviewed OLL in late December of last year, in Shovels & Lye. At least I’m consistent!?)

The Fragrance was No. 2, boasts top notes of crushed leaves, freesia, mandarin (What the fuck kind of leaves? Isn’t that sort of key?) and does begin rather citrus-y and benign. I had to give it another go-round today because Ooh La La sent my senses into a diabetic coma, but it doesn’t seem to change my opinion of it as a rather boring and one-hit wonder scent. Not even a good hit, either. Something Milli Vanilli-ish. (If I spelled that wrong, it’s b/c I refuse to google it for the proper spelling. Fakers don’t get my hits! I have standards.) It’s not offensive, just boring. Very un-sexy. For instance, Laura Bush should totally check this out. It’s perfect for her.

From the Dream Angels collection comes Wish, which is TOTALLY FUCKING AWESOME if you want to smell like orange sherbet ice cream and baby powder, and reminds me of back in the day when my folks would take us to Baskin Robbins on special occasions, and someone would be like, “Oh, you should have some water,” and I’d be all, “The fuck for? I drink my water in Kool-Aid, man. Step off, my peanut-butter-and-chocolate ice cream cone is melting.” Or, you know, changing diapers. Also, it irks me that something so vile has to share the same word with a stellar The Cure album, but what are you gonna do?

Someone at the VS fragrance think tank needs to ground themselves from citrus for, like, a year, and then get back to me.

PS. Ain’t much to say about this outfit ‘cept there’s a mean cold snap this week and mama needs to go SHOPPING. I do, however, have a new brown sheath dress that is super Joan Holloway and was recently procured at the thrift store for FIDDY MOFO CENTS, YO. Holla / Coming Soon.

PPS. What the hell is up with the Christian Siriano for VS make-up collection? When the cover model on the website looks kind of rough in all your war paint, dude, you need to step up your game. Do any of y’all have it? Is it good? Not that I’m in the market…my quick beauty fix lately has been a dusting of Cargo bronzer as a wash over the entire lid, with heavy-handed mascara at the lash base instead of eyeliner. Fresno and Coral Beach are my favorites right now, but it seems the former is discontinued. SOB.

PPSS. Lips? Besame’s Red Velvet. Creamy and subtle red for when MAC’s Russian Red is too much damn work.

CONFESSION: One of my favorite San Francisco quotes is this one, One day if I do go to heaven I’ll look around and say, ‘It ain’t bad, but it ain’t San Francisco’. Oh, to be here. Quotes about San Francisco are always love letters, lavish or gritty, meandering or ravenous, but that’s one of my favorites. On Saturday night, after a very long day of chauffeuring one of M’s old MIT classmates and his lovely wife around our fair and fickle city for their new home, we discovered we were bring sprinkled upon. It was, well…spittle from the sky, basically, but in July. It brought with it a double rainbow (like the ice cream!) and the sweetest fresh rain smell on our sweet little block, which is greener than most.

I am happy to report that they got the flat they wanted best – they sign the lease tonight and are making a cross-country move from New York City to San Francisco this August. It was actually super fun to check out some of the places we had to pass up that wouldn’t take pets! As a thanks, they took us to dinner at Sinbad’s, an old-fashioned, super romantic seafood restaurant situated right on Pier II, adjacent to The Slanted Door. Watching night tuck the last bit of twilight away was gorgeous, especially with the Bay Bridge looking right over our shoulders. I got lost in wistfulness just looking at it…I knew I’d miss that drive over the water, heading into San Francisco, in some ways just as special as being a part of it.

Also, we bought a very dreamy couch from Pier 1. Praise Dolly.

Here’s another bit about San Francisco-as-heaven, one of the best parts from HBO’s Angels In America (though I’d do very bad things in order to see it onstage, in a heartbeat):

Roy Cohn: [under the impression that Belize is the Angel of Death] Can I ask you something, sir?
Belize: [going along with it] “Sir”?
Roy Cohn: What’s it like? After?
Belize: After…?
Roy Cohn: This misery ends?
Belize: Hell or heaven?
Roy Cohn: …heh…
Belize: Like San Francisco.
Roy Cohn: A city! Good! I was worried… it’d be a garden. I hate that shit.
Belize: Mmmm. Big city. Overgrown with weeds, but flowering weeds. On every corner a wrecking crew and something new and crooked going up catty corner to that. Windows missing in every edifice like broken teeth, gritty wind, and a gray high sky full of ravens.
Roy Cohn: Isaiah.
Belize: Prophet birds, Roy. Piles of trash, but lapidary like rubies and obsidian, and diamond-colored cowspit streamers in the wind. And voting booths. And everyone in Balenciaga gowns with red corsages, and big dance palaces full of music and lights and racial impurity and gender confusion. And all the deities are creole, mulatto, brown as the mouths of rivers. Race, taste and history finally overcome. And you ain’t there.
Roy Cohn: And Heaven?
Belize: That was Heaven, Roy.
Roy Cohn: The fuck it was!

When: Tues., February 10th, 2009.

What: H&M dress and orange knit arm warmers. Black tights from Old Navy, satin blouse from Libertine for Target, satin bow headband from Claire’s (shut up). Black peacoat by Blanc Noir and boots by Lamica.

Scent: Serge Lutens Un Lys, oh. Since most flowers are obviously girls, let’s imagine a dear lily stumbling upon a fetching lilac, falling madly in love and living happily ever after. ON MY WRIST. Until a vicious, cruel and incurable case of LBD sets in (read = the dry down) and all that’s left is the sickly sweet memory of what once was. Still, the love here is so, so pure and stunning. Lily and Lilac share the kind of love that makes everyone around them want to be in love, too. After a few hours this turns into creamy vanilla and just the whisper of floral left…too sweet and flat. If this fragrance were a grainy old foreign film, it would be absolutely perfect.

Confession: AYL! I have decided that I must first clean my room before I even think about taking photos of my closet. Both are an absolute wreck, but I’m working on it! Also? Y’all, tomorrow is the anniversary of the day (night, really) M and I first met four years ago! DREAMY. Let’s just all take a minute and thank Dolly that she and I met one night so long ago, because neither of us believes in the Oxford comma, God or neglecting booze! Soulmates!

Happy anniversary, angelface! I love you so!

When: Tuesday, Nov. 25th, 2008.

What: (Let’s start from the bottom, shall we?) Red leather pumps with ankle strap, Nine West. Black knee socks, Betsey Johnson. Black jersey skirt, Sylvie & Mado. Black keyhole turtleneck, Nine West. Blue cardigan from Buffalo by David Bitton. Belt, thrifted. Red wool coat, vintage I. Magnin. Leather argyle cuff from Grove St. Kids in Berkeley and feather headband from modcloth.com. (For the Bangmaster: The Grape Lakes by OPI.)

Scent: Today I am wearing Guerlain Insolence, which M gave to me on one of our dates a year or more ago. (She gives me fantastic little date night gifts every once in awhile. It’s lovely.) It is described on Sephora like so: “Exuberant notes of violet are accompanied by jubilant red berries like raspberry. A hint of orange blossom and rose impart a striking intensity, while sensual iris and tonka bean resins finish the scent, making Insolence the ultimate luxury fragrance.”

It is very sweet, if you are familiar with it, then yes, this is definitely a fragrance martini with a generous shot of Guerlinade. The staying power is wonderful, it just kind of floats around you, a very soft and very feminine and very pink perfume. I stood in front of all my many bottles and decants and vials this morning, hesitating, and then (who knows why, perhaps because of a frisky morning) I realized of course the Insolence!

Confession: Being a (temporary) housewife/housefemme is HARD, yo. I just got home from the bank, the drycleaners, selling 3 bags of the petite’s clothes to a resale shop where she “made” $40, getting gas, exchanging some not-so-goodies for goodies at Sephora (Kinerase Clear Skin Moisture Light & I are friends again, Kat Von D lipstick in Lolita, the Tarte limited edition Tres Cheek 3-piece set), lunch at Pasta Pomodoro (kids eat free on Tuesdays, apparently) and Claire’s, where I procured a satin ivory bow headband. That was all after a very pleasant (read: morning sex FTW) morning. SCORE. Anyway, it was very busy, and now you’ll have to excuse me, as I have to take the pork chops out of the oven, and serve them to my family with applesauce and delicious stuffing. And Ketel One cosmos, of course. Oh, and soft, fresh vanilla cupcakes with a huge dollop of cream cheese frosting for dessert. Wish you were here!

When: Tues., Nov. 18th, 2008.

What: Little soft jersey cotton dress by Monteau (um, the only legitimate place I could find them was on some rand-o Lucky editor), black knee socks with Charles David ‘Butane’ boots. Pendant from Claire’s. Feather headband from Target. Oversize white leather clutch with black / silver croc stripes, vintage.

Scent: Film Noir by Ava Luxe. I wore this last week, right after I had previously been wearing Serge Lutens Chene. It wasn’t fair, really, to either olfactory beauty. Film Noir is described as “a gorgeous leather fragrance with sueded notes that is sure to kindle your darkest desires,” with black leather, Morrocan rose, bergamot and tonka bean notes. Meryl Streep might wear Film Noir. It’s soft yet stern, warm and mysterious, it just kind of glides effortlessly over the skin, luring you around the next dark corner. But gaily. It’s not very long-lasting, but it certainly doesn’t wear off anywhere nearly as quick as CB I Hate Perfume’s Black March, for instance.

Confession: My internet friends enabled me to go shopping today. My wife enabled me to go shopping today. (“Can you pick up cutting boards at TJ Maxx? You know, the one that carries DIOR.” “Sure, babe! Just the cuttings boards [and Dior]?” “Oh, you know, hot stuff…since you’re there and all.”) Maybe the conversation didn’t go like that at all, but whatever. The most beautiful thing happened to me today in the form of a XL boys cardigan from Buffalo by David Bitton. You will see! It cost me SEVEN DOLLARS and it is truly amazing. I know it’s mean to say that and not post it, but it’s crucial that I sit my family down for homemade tacos, beans and rice. Like, now.