fitforafemme.com

First things first, today is the 13th annual International Transgender Day of Remembrance, so perhaps take just a moment to honor those no longer with us, support those we’re lucky enough to have in our lives today, and keep fighting transphobia. Amos Mac, of Original Plumbing and Translady Fanzine fame, wrote this touching piece about Gwen Araujo, and our friends at Autostraddle have a wonderful open thread going, and I really recommend checking out both!

Gwen was a 17-year-old local who was murdered in 2002 by four young men in a brutal hate crime, and hers was the first memorial of its kind that I’d ever attended. I remember it being very somber and despondent, and frighteningly unfamiliar (I was so sheltered then, still very much a baby dyke). However, it was also softly and sadly determined, for while a vivacious, courageous transgender teen was gone and would be deeply mourned by many, the community’s response was deafening: Gwen’s life would be remembered and celebrated with a strength that wouldn’t stop until it drowned out the ignorance and hatred that took it away.

Throughout all of this, a high school in Gwen’s town was putting on a production of The Laramie Project, and so an already badly shaken student body and faculty found themselves facing a different type of incomprehensible hate: Fred Phelps and his Westboro Baptist psychopaths.

I hardly remember how it happened or who I was with, but one night I found myself among the protective circle of Angel Action folks standing outside of the entrance Newark Memorial High School, wearing those big fluffy angel wings in the cold, all of us doing our best to shield the performers and audience members from those rotten sons of bitches. It was a really small, very tiny thing, but doing anything felt better than doing nothing in the wake of a tragedy like that.

(PS. I’m donating 25% of all sales this week to the Transgender Law Center, so go take a peek at my Etsy shop, Loverbirds, and shop for change…social change! Or go and buy an awesome t-shirt from Revel & Riot – a portion of all proceeds go to LGBTQ rights and equality groups, and they’ll make excellent stocking stuffers.)

In other news, it appears I’m getting sick. This is horrific timing, as I have two elaborate desserts to make for Thanksgiving, and a bit of tinkering yet to do for our signature Turkey Day cocktails! We’re also preparing for lots and lots of house guests, and I just haven’t got the time to be sick! DID I MENTION IT’S THANKSGIVING?! I’m lucky to have such a marvelous, caring wife. (She’s already volunteered to make my cheesecakes, and I’m pretty sure I can get her to agree to cocktail taste-testing, too!)

Fingers crossed that it’s nothing several mega-doses of Vitamin C and lots of hot tea and whatnot can’t fix. Let’s chat about this outfit, shall we? I don’t think y’all have this leather skirt from Zara yet, even though I’ve worn it out and about a handful of times since I got it eight whopping months ago. I just wore it out with thick black tights and a neon green collared shirt under a black crewneck sweater, in fact! This time I topped it with an H&M t-shirt and faux fur vest, a pair of Hue tights, and my Dolce Vita platform mules. It’s cold out, so I decided to layer leather on top of leather with my Elie Tahari jacket.

I piled on lots of bracelets and rings, mixed new and vintage necklaces, and grabbed a cheeky vintage bag. We took these on our drenched tennis courts, and I love the watery effect it brought to the photos, don’t you? XO!

HEY GIRL HEY. So, I got a haircut and some saucy highlights and I am wearing a pony-print shirt, but the real news here is that we’re taking a break from travel posts (yes, AGAIN) for some super gay PSAs. Are you ready? Get ready. Pride month may be over but that doesn’t mean we just stop being fabulous and service-y. Get your clipboards out!

Sometimes in life – especially if you are young, or fresh out of the closet, or just discovering being femme – you want to ask an older, wiser, sager person questions. Like a lesbian big sister, but with the anonymity and instant gratification of the interwebs. Enter QueerGirlQuestions, an inspiration/advice blog for queer and questioning girls. Not only does it create a safe space for the above, it hopes these thought provoking questions help readers meet the challenge to live each day to the fullest.

If you happen to be the (not necessarily) older, wiser, sager type, you can also submit answers to the questions! Something for everyone! It’s also very much worth mentioning that the lovely gal running QGQ holds a bona fide Masters in Counseling Psychology, so there!

Did you know that you can watch over 2,000 documentaries for free online at SnagFilms? I didn’t, either, until someone from the company contacted me to tell me about a film called Red Without Blue. It’s the story of a pair of identical gay twins where one transitions from male to female. I haven’t watched it yet, but it’ll definitely go into the queue.

It’s worth a poke around to see what other LGBT documentaries they’ve got up their sleeve!

I love Cuba.

I love lesbians.

I love Cuban lesbians.

HELLO, ANNA MARGARITA ALBELO!

Autostraddle said it best: “Inspired by her lifelong passion for the classic, Who’s Afraid of Virginia Wolf, Albelo’s semi-autobiographical film centers on the day after a filmmaker’s (Albelo, playing herself) 40th birthday, realizing she’s sacrificed her love life for her film career, decides to embark on an all-female adaptation of the classic.”

The name of the adaptation? What else, kittens?!

There are only a few days left to help them raise funds – they are so close – and who wouldn’t want to support an all lesbian, female adaptation of ‘Who’s Afraid of Virgina Woolf?’, featuring hot femmes “swishing around in beautiful clothes”. Guess what else I love? HOT FEMMES! SWISHING! BEAUTIFUL CLOTHES! I think most of you do, too. If you can, give ‘em a boost through indiegogo.com or repost this to your sexy lesbotron network to help get the word out!

I don’t know what’s happening,  but I’ve fully intersected my existing nudie girl wardrobe with a mean 70s vibe. There are two unexpected upsides to this recent development:

1. People always compliment my outfits.
2. Shit is comfortable. Like really cozy.

It’s been a breezy, dreamy weekend! There was dinner with my best friend on Friday night at Oakland’s Boot + Shoe Service: she got me the most elegant, delicate silver necklace with a diamond infinity pendant and we shared a killer dessert – a chocolate tart with vanilla ice cream garnished with olive oil and sea salts!

I had an early horseback riding lesson Saturday morning, and the weather was beautiful despite it being miserable back at home. We escaped it by heading over the bay back to Oakland’s impervious-to-Pacific-Ocean fog sunshine Saturday with the tomboy, thrifting the irresistible wares at Pretty Penny and eating and drinking on College Avenue (Hudson’s cocktails in particular were rather good – we tried the My Dear Watson and Prufrock Dilemma). Sadly, I insisted we end the night with Atlas Shrugged and it was spectacularly awful. (Thank goodness for palate cleansing hottie Eva Green on the new Camelot series.)

TODAY I LEARNED HOW TO PROPERLY SEW.

Two other femmes and I met at Alembic for brunch in the Haight, then set out to Workshop, an incredible space that offers all manner of DIY classes for super affordable prices. Want to sew? Done. Want to make baby pies in a jar? Done. What about mixology, street art stenciling, quilting, heavy metal aerobics, becoming a cheese aficionado or basic bike maintenance? DONE AND DONE. It was our first time taking any of their classes and we learned how to sew beer cozies (koozies? titties? whatever) and cute little sock monsters, in addition to locking down the essential skills required to make any sewing machine your bitch.

Plus, they fed us beer (for the cozies) and our teacher, Carmen, was super cute, laid back but still encouraging. We’re SO going back for more, esp. since they’re planning to put new stuff like Beauty School Dropout and Make Your Own Sundress on the menu!

Trousers: Asos
Silk Camisole: Lux
Bag: Freebird by The Sak
Aviators: Ray-Ban
Bracelet: Lori’s Shoes
Rings: Pretty Penny (small), H&M (large)
Necklace: Isla Mujeres street stand

PS. The denim vest was a score from a friend’s moving sale. Howdy, Miss Kitty!

What’s new? I’ve realized that I must keep a list of the books I’m reading for my 2011 resolution of one book per week on average!

Currently reading: Super Sad True Love Story, The Help, Wild Girls, Vanity Fair (kind of), Revolutionary Road.

Read: Unbearable Lightness, Neverwhere, The End of Youth. I’m on track to finish SSTLS this week, and I am totally counting the first 21 chapters of The Help for the 4th week of the year. Phew!

In case you’re wondering about these snowy images and what on earth is on my feet in them: SNOW SHOES! I borrowed a pair from the gals who went snowshoeing while we skied/snowboarded during the day, and stomped around the meadow out back behind the black bear cabin, during our improv sledding off the back porch. I’m also wearing my Silence + Noise skinnies, a gorgeous corset sweater from Asos, and my Dolce Vita for Target boots and vintage fur coat. The necklace is very art deco and from Banana Republic.

What else, what else? We got tickets to see Bright Eyes. We’re in a HOMO PANIC about our Superbowl/Housewarming party on Sunday, which we agreed on Thanksgiving to throw for my family. We’re expecting anywhere from 20-24 people. It’s insane. What got into me/us? We discovered Portlandia – a really funny, super random sketch comedy thing about crunch Portland types featuring the talented, gorgeous Carrie Brownstein of Sleater-Kinney fame and many, many others. TSA appears to be poised to roll out new, more benign software for their invasive, vulgar full-body scanners, C A I R O, the White Stripes officially announced time of death.

Ski beanie! Ski pants by Volcom! Foxtail! Style Snaps!

How has everyone been doing with their resolutions so far? I’m not a big believer in the New Year being some blessed time to dramatically change your life, no more so than on a rainy day in April or a summer’s day in June. But with the end of a year I suppose one can step back, get a bit of perspective, and have a clearer idea of what the coming year or years should look like.

So far, I’ve finished one book (Portia de Rossi’s Unbearable Lightness) and am halfway through another (Neil Gaiman’s Neverwhere). I’ve checked out the horses for adoption on Petfinder, perused the ads for horses for sale on Craigslist, and looked at leasing options, all thanks to a friend who happens to be something of an ex-horsewoman and has me looking at gorgeous Selle Francais and Dutch Warmbloods I cannot afford (as they are so fancy and can run you $80,000). We’ve dipped into our bottles of Evan Williams Single Barrel and Maker’s 46 bourbon. Not a bad start for six days in.

Perhaps your resolutions involve your beauty routines! I’m always trying to simplify mine, but I thought it would be fun to show you what’s in my medicine cabinet and on my vanity! (Maybe at the end of the year I can compare to see if it’s changed very much, too.)

Face
01. Cleanser: Lush Bûche De Noël
02. Toner/lotion: Lush Eau Roma Water
03. Cream/moisturizer: Lush Skin Drink + Estee Lauder Advanced Night Repair
04. Facial mask: Lush Catastrophe Cosmetic
05. Exfoliator: Rotation between a few favorites: Dermalogica Microfoliant, Origins Modern Friction + Brighter By Nature (twice weekly)
06. Make-up remover: Origins Clean Energy Gentle Cleansing Oil

Body
07. Shower gels/soaps: Lush Flying Fox
08. Body lotions/creams: Aveeno, Cetaphil
09. Anticellulite/firming treatment: W H U T, am I supposed to be doing this?
10. Body exfoliator: Homemade Sugar Scrub
11. Hand cream: Origins Smoothing Souffle
12. Lip balm or lip treatment: Pure Vitamin E Lip Balm or Lush’s It Started With A Kiss Tinted Lip Balm
13. Perfume: Changes Daily!

Hair
14. Shampoo/conditioner: Lush Assortment, Kirkland Signature Moisture Shampoo + Conditioner (surprisingly vegan, paraben and gluten free), Aveda Clove Shampoo
15a. Mask or other treatments: Ken Paves Healthy Hair Boost Up Color Drops, Bumble & Bumble Creme de Coco Masque & homemade masks
15b. Styling Products: Frederic Fekkai Beachy Waves, Bumble & Bumble Surf Spray, some awesome stuff I got in El Mexico, Frederic Fekkai Glossing Cream, TRESemme Heat Tamer Protective Spray
15c. Styling Tools: BaByliss Pro Porcelain Ceramic Straightening Iron (1.5″), Conair You Curl Curling Wand, a blow dryer, a really old school spiral curling iron

Make-up
16. Foundation: Perricone Active Tinted Moisturizer in Tint 02
17. Powder: MAC Mineralize SPF 15 Foundation (Loose) in Light Medium , Palladio Herbal Dual Wet Dry Foundation in Cypress Beige
18a. Blush (Powder, Highlight & Bronzer): MAC Mineralize, Cargo, Besame (too many to name just a few shades), Stila
18b. Blush (Stain): Lush’s It Started With A Kiss Tinted Lip Balm, Sephora Lush Flush Lip & Cheek Stain, Tarte Ring It In Cheek Stain Set
19. Mascara: MAC Zoom Lash, L’Oreal Voluminous Million Lashes, Clinique High Impact Mascara
20. Lipstick/lipgloss: MAC, Besame, Clinique (too many to name just a few shades)
21. Eyeshadow: MAC, Cargo, Stila, Laura Mercier, Besame
22. Eyeliner: MAC Shadesticks, MAC Greasepaints, Laura Mercier, Besame Classic Masterliner Pencils

Thrifted tunic, Silence + Noise skinnies, Gap scarf, Dolce Vita for Target boots, Freebird by the Sak crossbody bag, earrings are a gift from the tomboy for Christmas (slippery like a snake!), Pier One wooden bangle bracelet, Banana Republic cocktail ring, awesome foam axe with rabbit fur trim from Paxton Gate – Curiosities for Kids.

(From Saturday, January 8th) Today was awful. I woke up slightly hungover from my femme date at the Original Plumbing Fashion Issue party last night, we’re out of everything one would use to make a deliciously greasy breakfast, and then we sat down with coffee and saw the news. My head throbbed with grief and shock and the kind of despondence that senseless, wasted death comes with without fail. It was impossible to divorce politics and the impact that something like this will have on our country from the fact that real people are still sitting in real rooms with their broken hearts, obliterated from the loss of their loved ones even as I type this.

I looked at my very grounded and mature daughter, watched her watching the news with us, peering over my shoulder to look at the Sarah Palin map of the United States that I’d been screaming at just a few minutes ago, thinking of the social atrocities she’s seen in her short life (9/11 in preschool, sitting on shoulders at useless anti-war protests in kindergarten, wars that carried her through grade school and junior high, the ups and downs and rallies and phone banking and fighting for marriage equality, the daily routine horrors of misogyny), her bright future humming with the beginnings of certainty despite all of it, and I suppose out of self-preservation a calm, quiet numbness washed over me. I went about the rest of the day, running errands, eating dinner with my family, hosting my book club for the night.

I can’t think about the ambitious little nine-year-old girl who died today because I can’t, I just can’t, as a mother. I called my mother today, and she was happier than usual to hear from me; my little brother’s been in boot camp for the Marines for a week now, the news can’t have helped any. We didn’t talk about Congresswoman Giffords, the little girl, or the five others who died because we can’t, just can’t, as mother and daughter. We talked instead about his call home this week, the menu for our Super Bowl party in February, an upcoming ski trip.

In seventeen years, when my petite is thirty years old and calls me out of the blue on an overcast Saturday afternoon, I hope this country is a better place to live than it is right now. It has to be.

This was such a fun project. However strong your own personal sense of style, it’s always nice to get a fresh perspective, especially when you’re looking at ways to make one dress versatile for an entire holiday season’s worth of parties and soirees. My dear friend KA, whom you might recall from her guest post here nearly a year ago, asked me to help her accessorize a holiday party dress. We’re both unabashedly femme, gay married, our tomboys have been friends for years, and though we live miles and miles apart from one another the mutual adoration never wanes (we’re in SF, they’re in Boston)!

Of course, when she came to me with this gorgeous, playful number, I didn’t want to let her down. Let’s take a look at some of the looks I threw together, keeping her preferences above in mind:

There’s only way to approach mixing navy in with black: BALLS TO THE WALL. Okay, maybe that’s not true. Maybe there’s some ultra-conservative, Brooks Brothers way to do it, but I prefer a shoe that says “DO NOT MESS” with lots of edge and structure, to counter the sweetness of the dress. On the opposite end of that is going with soft, shimmery neutrals – the nude and silver shrugs and shoes sparkle and only enhance the star of the show – KA and her dress! I threw in a majorly festive tartan bolero with mega-ruffles that screams Charlotte York, just for fun. I wanted all of the choices to work with her style and her amazing, lovely tattoos.

Let’s see what she liked best, shall we?!

Rosette Shrug: http://www.etsy.com/listing/61427872/poison-navy-raw-silk-bolero-m-size
Feathers Purse: http://www.etsy.com/listing/51151053/new-handmade-black-dupioni-silk
Strappy Shoes: http://www.lorisshoes.com/product.asp?lt=d&deptid=4304&pfid=LDS16481
Sparkly Shoes: http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/3122881?origin=category
Earrings: http://www.lorisshoes.com/product.asp?lt=d&deptid=8277&pfid=LDS16283
Green Shrug: http://www.etsy.com/listing/59919103/eve-bolero-shrug-wedding-bridal-or

I lost the lizard/gecko earrings she liked. They’re Betsey Johnson and I just can’t find them anywhere! Not in my history, not in my browser memory, nada. I will keep looking, though. THEY WERE JUST THERE LAST NIGHT.

I think my fave combo is the same Dolce Vita sparkly shoes KA likes – they’re sexy and a little rock ‘n roll – with the art dec0 chandelier earrings in the same collage way above, on the lower right. I’d probably try and find a vintage black fur shrug or bolero to toss all haphazardly over my shoulders if needed. We have majorly different styles (that’s the beauty of femme – endless varieties and manifestations of PRETTY), so I love that we liked the same shoe a lot. How would you wear it?

Yours,

FFAF

PS. Are you facing any particular sartorial challenges, holiday-related or not? Tell me in the comments or send me an email at fitforafemme@gmail.com!

PPS. I love SO MUCH that someone made this collage so that I didn’t have to:

Meet Lafitte. It’s a restaurant with a manifesto; it’s run by the same people who brought you SubCulture Dining. It’s a gorgeous, airy, polished industrial-country kind of space set on Pier 5 on the San Francisco Bay. The menu is to die for. The drinks are addictive. The service is impeccable. It steals the scene for this long overdue FFAF post! All I did was sit in it and get tipsy and nom on rabbit and scallops and butternut squash soup sipped from an impossibly wee teacup. There was also an outstanding bacon chocolate chip cookie.

Dolce Vita for Target boots, Cheap Monday faux-leather panel skirt, Apostrophe blouse.

In case you’re wondering why on God’s green earth I’ve been so awfully MIA lately:

We moved!
We moved!
We moved!

Sayonara, little railroad flat. Goodbye, tiny closets. Ciao, paper thin walls. So long, single cramped bathroom. Good riddance, neighbors. Adios, El Mexico markets, Valencia boutiques and Anthony’s Cookies. Peace, kitten gang. Tchüss, Mission District. Later, Fabric 8 and your brilliant Street Food Fridays. We’ll be back. One day. It’s my birthplace, after all! We clang for one another.

HELLO, five-burner stove, dishwasher, garbage disposal, dual-bin stainless steel sink.
HELLO, 1500+ sq. ft. of living space and sky-high ceilings.
HELLO, two full baths plus powder room.
HELLO, front and back yards.
HELLO, washer/dryer.
HELLO, two-car garage.
HELLO, fireplace.
HELLO, privacy.

Come to mama, you big, sexy, badass closet nearly the size of our old bedroom. God, I love you. Ch-ch-changes! Y’all are invited to our epic pool party open house, where we’ll all warm up with hot toddies in front of a crackling Fall fire. Feel free to come ’round and play doubles with us on our tennis court, too.

It’s hard to say whether or not the FFAF backdrops will be as epic, but the plan is to set up a permanent studio in the garage!

Also? Band practice.

Looking ahead, kittens. Always.

Love,
FFAF