fitforafemme.com

Confession: I spent most of today wanting to vomit after listening to that showboating, smarmy POS Ken Starr discuss my equal rights and marital status in CA Supreme Court today. Is it just me, or does listening to him sound like chugging bottles of castor oil must feel like? Yeah. About that. In more pleasant news, I will be dusting off my laptop, CDs and vinyl to DJ at a new lesbian club in a few weeks. I know all y’all wanna get at that, right? Details soon. Maybe. If you’re nice.

Lastly, I haven’t run out of perfumes, I’ll review a few this weekend!

Oh, lookie! The what and when are noted! All that’s left is the confession, and scent, if applicable. Have I done Parfumerie Generale’s Querelle? No? Well, today is just as good a day as any. Here are the notes: citruses, Iranian black caraway, myrrh, cinnamon, Haittian vetiver, incense, oakmoss, and ambergris. Some consider this to be an evil scent. Some consider it an haute couture scent. It is complex and intimidating and all day long (you can ask M) it would jump out at me out of nowhere, seemingly, and I would feel as though someone was challenging me to a fight. Delicious. Absolutely fucking spectacular. It is violent, it is dirty, it is deeply unnerving. I absolutely love it. The best part? My other sniffs fiend friend unloaded it on me because she loathed it so (she says it smelled like “vetiver ass” on her) – on me, she truly appreciates it.

(Oh, and this is for Jen: We had Caesar salad bib lettuce cups, mini burgers with white cheddar, beef tartare with spicy Thai red curry, kaffir lime oil, sesame crackers, lamb chops and very, very spicy pommes frites for dinner at Lime tonight. So good. Also? Eight dessert “bites” as follows: three mocha creme brulee cups, two dark chocolate-dipped cheesecake pops, one each of the strawberry cream, brownie a la mode and red velvet baby cupcake.)

When: Friday, Sept. 19th, 2008.

What: Royal blue silk dress by Kenneth Cole. James Cured by Seun jeans. (Mm, super dark dry aged denim.) Vintage YSL satin pumps in royal blue. My P&B scarf from Down At Lulu’s. Pretty mustard yellow leather bag by Emilie M / Beaded white clutch, vintage. Fancy feathered hat, also vintage. Pretty dangly earrings from boutiques in the East Bay and Old San Juan, respectively.

Confession: These royal blue Yves Saint Laurent treasures were sitting jauntily atop a hat box in the costume section of my favorite thrift shop. In my size. That was a good day. So was the day I found the little silk number you’ll see soon enough! Ach so!

Firstly, I’m sorry I’ve neglected the blog for a whole week! It’s busily exciting but not necessarily excitingly busy, you see. I promise I’ll be better this week. Really.

Secondly, did you ever, when you were young, wonder what on earth someone would need an outfit to go from “day to night” for? You know, in fashion magazines? Long before any real grasp of busy workdays and mundane routines and nightmarish commutes could settle into your wee brain? I did. I understood the concept, of course – change of shoes, bare some skin, add a bauble here or there, let the hair down – but why not just go home and change the whole bloody outfit, I wondered.

Well!

That was then, this is now. My day to night, yours for the taking:

When: Sunday, July 20th, 2008.

What: Embossed leather cuff with eagles from Dollywood, vintage geese t-shirt from Panatela Tops by Levi’s. Insanely pretty hair courtesy of my superior genes and Seth from Down At Lulu’s.

Confession: I am a daft cow and forgot entirely to take any “before” photos. I am deeply sorry for this. (However, isn’t this whole blog sort of a “before”? Yes.) Moving on.

You know your stylist/colorist loves you when you march into the salon biting one of your fists with hair anxiety and clutching no less than 15 photos of various styles and shades to whittle down in the other fist, and they’re all “Oooh, let’s look at what you’ve got!” as opposed to, say, kicking your sorry ass out of there.

My requests: Keep the length whilst tidying up the ends, clean up and accentuate layers into a sort of long, piece-y shag, lighten my natural dark, reddish brown with a warm, rich brown. Peek-a-boo strands of ruddy caramel underneath optional. M’s requests: Breezy hair. Every photo I asked of her in order to support her request was basically a girl with long hair standing in a strong wind. Ridiculous. Alas, when Seth was done and the lipstick-print robe was whisked off of me, M leaned in and whispered, “Jonesey, it looks breezy!” – success! And without a lick of wind, even!

Anyway, I’m totally thrilled with it. The brown is so lovely, my hair so soft, and the cut came out just the way I’d envisioned!

In natural light:                                           With the light on:

When: Sunday, July 13th, 2008.

What: Elie Tahari ruffled yellow sundress with vintage belt from Down At Lulu’s. Carlos peep-toe pumps. Buttery leather clutch with green silk interior handmade by the lovely Jenna, beaded necklace also handmade by an old ya-ya friend and Oscar de la Renta sunglasses. Wanna see the necklace up close?

Confession: In these photos my hair is soaking wet and without product, the bangs twisted back into clips and the bulk twisted into a messy bun. Hangover hair. See, yesterday I spent the afternoon outdoor drinking with some friends new and old, which became indoor drinking at the Lexington, which became drinking-dancing at Cockblock until they booted us out at 2am. Much fun was had by all, but Franziskaner pitchers + Margarita pitchers + Ketel One cosmos + adorable pink cans of Sofia Coppola champs = Dirty dancing, and other things.

I don’t have a picture of that outfit, which consisted of skinny blue jeans from Zara tucked into cowboy boots and a completely backless top from Glow on Lakeshore Ave., but here is the prettiest part of the top (and my new plant, because she is so clearly high fashion):

When: Saturday, July 5th, 2008 & Sunday, July 6th, 2008.

Saturday What: Nocona boots, Rebecca Beeson tank, vintage scarf from Down At Lulu’s and black denim shorts from crap dept. store McCaulou’s. Leather cuff from DOLLYWOOD, bitches! Layered necklaces are thrifted.

Saturday Confession: ZOMG, it was hot as fuck yesterday, and we threw an impromptu UFC Fight Night soirée at the loft. M & I made homemade nachos and delicious, refreshing white sangria de cava for everyone. Around 9PM, when I was good and drunk and it had cooled down a bit, I baked a batch of homemade chocolate chip cookies from scratch. So good. I have nothing to confess other than the fact that I put cute little tiny braids in my hair, which M proceeded to pull all goddamn night long.

Sunday What: Same old boots. Cute little plaid shorts by Lux, Hanes Her Way extra-long black tank (which come in awesome 2-packs at Target, I think), Sashimi vest. Same leather cuff with wooden bangle and black and metallic leather bag from Dolce Vita. Moleskine notebook.

Sunday Confession: Still rocking the itty bitty braids from yesterday. Word. Oh, wait! So, we went house-hunting today. Is this an inappropriate outfit for house-hunting? I wouldn’t know. Kthxbai. Also?! HA-HA-HA. Oh hai, the potted plant ate my other leg.

Note from a femme: Welcome to my tomboy! This is her first post, so greet her sweetly! (I know y’all will, you damn HOORS.) She’ll take over from here.

Before & After

Let me explain. I have been fighting with the femme for weeks now; I insist that I need a haircut, she insists that I do not. Please see the “before” photo(s):

I was well on my way to a hard-core Mexi-mullet, complete with inexplicable FEATHERING. WTF?! Also? I look like a lopsided toadstool from the Mario video games. (I know this because over the last 3 weeks or so I have logged some 40-odd hours playing Super Paper Mario : Thousand Year Door and asking the femme to find hints for me on-line — she’s such a good girlfriend!)

It was about 900 degrees Fahrenheit in Oakland today, and once again, I threatened to cut my own hair. The femme finally relents, so I dressed up for the shoot and cut. [I shopped at nearby fabulous Rockridge vintage & contemporary boutique Pretty Penny. -Femme]

Observe how much more handsome I look POST-haircut. I even look like I smell clean! My hair is now tidy and well-behaved. And look, I have ears! No more toadstool head! I feel much better, and encourage all of you to join me in a whiskey on the rocks. Cheers.

When: Sat., June 21st, 2008

Tomboy What (some facts, loosely based on reality): Seersucker shorts from Express for Men, H&M military shirt and belt, O’Neill flip flops and the tie actually belongs to the femme. Breitling Chronographe watch (bought in NYC while hungover in the street). Vintage silver & black Equestrian tie clip.

Femme What: Dress by Mango, vintage brown leather belt with embossed spring flowers from Down At Lulu’s, Nocona cowboy boots. Sunglasses by Oscar de la Renta, vintage onyx necklace.

[Confession: That awesome skinny black tie with the cute little olive green skull & crossbones? Hot Topic. Shut up. - Femme]