CONFESSION: Today was a day for the bank. I attended a private tasting of Dalmore’s 12, 15, Gran Reserva and King Alexander III single malt scotch whiskys, plus a very special bonus tasting, at the methodically handsome Laszlo in the Mission. The dear Scottish man who led the tasting said that I reminded him of a lovely, elegant Lowlands single malt scotch whisky, when he wasn’t spitting onto the floor at any mention of the French. (You can eventually read more about all that here, at my “other” blog. I don’t want to spoil it.) They were kind enough to let me pop upstairs before and after the tasting to take some super awesome FFAF photos, hurrah. Just a moment ago the UPS guy arrived with a very important package, and I was so excited that M said I made a big old ruckus of “kitten noises,” whatever those are. It contained a new dress (not-so-LBD) and super badass new shoes. I can’t wait to show y’all! M is well enough to drink a bottle of cava with me (finally!) and lasagna is baking in the oven with some fluffy garlic bread in hot pursuit. DREAMY.

SCENT: Tom Ford’s Black Orchid. I must confess something. I broke up with Tom awhile ago, but after reading about his directorial debut starring Colin Firth (and Julianne Moore) in A Single Man, I’ve realized something very, very important: My love for Colin is greater than my hate for Tom. Does that make sense? Of course it does. (He’s Mark-bloody-Darcy, after all.) I digress. Black Orchid is a hot, heady, stunning mess. The jury is out on whether or not that’s a good or bad thing. The opening is almost like scorched black licorice drizzled over jasmine and sundry florals, like in Absinthe or Drambuie. It does kind of smolder, all bared teeth, glossed lips and super dangerous bedroom eyes. This smells like the kind of woman you should stay away from – you know better, of course – but you can’t help yourself. I’m going to have to come back to this, because it’s too complex!

Here are some notes, FYI: Black Truffle, Ylang, Bergamot, Black Currant. Then the black orchid, dark florals, rich fruit, Lotus Wood. At last, there’s Patchouli, Incense, Vetiver and Vanilla Tears, Balsam and Sandalwood.

Watch this and tell me you don’t find it completely gorgeous. Seriously.

And since it was one of the most beautiful stills:

Confession: I love it when M makes me whiskey-cokes at home, because she serves them in these wee, adorable glasses we bought at Ikea after seeing them at our friend’s lovely home for Sunday brunch a few weeks ago. They’ve got elephants and  birdies and penguins and flowers on them. They’re so fucking weird and perky. I love them! Anyway, M cuts about a third off the straws (we have, like, 500+ straws because I refuse to drink cold beverages without them, with the exception of other cocktails and bottled beer and water, shut up), that’s the best part. The wee straws to go with the wee glasses carrying the not-so-wee contents!

Look, I’ve found a photo of them for you. And you should totally buy some, too! They come in orange. (Bangmaster, I know you want that, to go with your TRADEMARK nails, as only you know.)

EXCITING BREAKING NEWS: This morning, M was all, “We’re going on a secret mystery date. SSH! Don’t ask me any questions. It’s very serious. Bring a purse that you can throw your Moleskine into. In fact, start with the purse, and THEN pick out your outfit.” So, I got ready with nary a clue where we were headed, and off we went. She drove me all around Oakland and I caught on and said, “You’re trying to disorient me on purpose!” – which, by the way, is impossible to do. She’s very sneaky. Well, the date – contrary to the suspicions of some – was NOT at a sex den, shooting range or some hidden San Francisco gem. She took me to Best Buy to test drive the new camera of my choice for my birthday! I was completely thrilled and overwhelmed, having outgrown my Sony Cybershot digital camera long ago. We must have been in there for a few hours, tinkinering with several models based on M’s preliminary research (sneaky!) and my own baseless lust, and finally narrowed the choices down to a couple of digital SLRs and high-end digital cameras. Shoving my chronic desire for instant gratification aside, I bravely took M’s hand and said that I wanted to do more research and model comparisons at home. M supported this, reminding me that they didn’t have the Panasonic Lumix model she’d researched before, and that I might want to test-drive some more in person before deciding.

Alas, I came home, did some research and promptly fell in love with the Panasonic Lumix G1 w/ Leica 14-44mm Lens Kit “anti-SLR” with interchangeable lenses. I LOVE IT SO MUCH ALREADY. Turns out there’s no place I could have test-driven it out here, because no one is carrying it yet (it just came out in November of last year). Still, based on countless reviews, I think it’s going to be fantastic and M is seriously the best, most amazing and dreamy husband ever. She’s excited that I’m so excited, and that, my friends, is true love!

Pls. to meet my shiny new toy:

Scent: Forgive me, I’ve been so negligent in the fragrance department! I won’t pretend I’ve been

too busy – I have been busy, but also just sort of moving from Winter to Spring wrapped in a cloud of contentment. To tell the truth I was once so opposed to

that word, equating it with

tedium, mediocrity and perhaps worst of all, a sort of falsehood. Perhaps I am lucky in that it now means something else entirely, something epitomizing pleasure, satiety and a dreamy and genuine peace of mind.

Which brings me to today’s new fragrance: Ligea La Sirena from the Italian island of Capri’s Carthusia. This is so well named, “bearing the name of one of the three Mermaids who tried in vain to bewitch Ulysses, Ligea is a feminine, sensual nectar, surprising and full of passion, which combines the warm powdery scent of wild white rose with the fresh, soft aroma of mandarins.” It’s just…enchanting, really lovely. The citrus isn’t at all overwhelming, perfectly balanced with sweetness and the right amount of opoponax, or sweet myrrh – something earthy and almost salty to anchor it all down. I love it. I find it comforting!

Let’s take a closer look at the Carthusia logo, shall we? (It’s not a stretch to say that if I were into whimsical and playful tattoos, I would absolutely get this. It’s cheeky and awesome!)

PS. I’ve missed you all!

PPS. Bullocks! I left out the earrings. Delightful little art deco studs from Silver Crane Sterling – I love their shiny little things.

When: Wednesday, February 11th, 2009.

What: Max & Cleo chiffon dress in navy blue with hand-beaded bodice (see below, ignore whatever it is I’ve gotten on the dress – probably whiskey ganache!), vintage apron and two-tone navy pumps by Linea Paolo.

Confession: I was in the kitchen all the livelong day, y’all, making delicious things for my tomboy to enjoy on our anniversary. First, a homemade beef stew, very simple – a big slab of pretty brisket, onion, red bell pepper, beef stock, quartered potatoes, a few secret seasonings, sea salt and pepper. In the crockin’ pot, of course. Then, I made Irish Car Bomb cupcakes. They are as fantastic as they sound and probably the fanciest thing I have ever baked from scratch. Rich, dense Guinness chocolate cake, insanely sumptuous Irish whiskey ganache centers that melt in your mouth and Bailey’s cream cheese frosting. They’re fucking INCREDIBLE, I wish I could teleport y’all one each. So good. So, so, so good.

*Note: Mine aren’t as pretty as Smitten’s because, well, I’m mostly domestically disabled and also because I don’t have a hand mixer OR a mixer thingee. Yes. You heard right. It is IMPOSSIBLE to make fluffy cream cheese frosting w/out something electrical, and my Oster blender did NOT want to hear it.

When: Tues., February 10th, 2009.

What: H&M dress and orange knit arm warmers. Black tights from Old Navy, satin blouse from Libertine for Target, satin bow headband from Claire’s (shut up). Black peacoat by Blanc Noir and boots by Lamica.

Scent: Serge Lutens Un Lys, oh. Since most flowers are obviously girls, let’s imagine a dear lily stumbling upon a fetching lilac, falling madly in love and living happily ever after. ON MY WRIST. Until a vicious, cruel and incurable case of LBD sets in (read = the dry down) and all that’s left is the sickly sweet memory of what once was. Still, the love here is so, so pure and stunning. Lily and Lilac share the kind of love that makes everyone around them want to be in love, too. After a few hours this turns into creamy vanilla and just the whisper of floral left…too sweet and flat. If this fragrance were a grainy old foreign film, it would be absolutely perfect.

Confession: AYL! I have decided that I must first clean my room before I even think about taking photos of my closet. Both are an absolute wreck, but I’m working on it! Also? Y’all, tomorrow is the anniversary of the day (night, really) M and I first met four years ago! DREAMY. Let’s just all take a minute and thank Dolly that she and I met one night so long ago, because neither of us believes in the Oxford comma, God or neglecting booze! Soulmates!

Happy anniversary, angelface! I love you so!

When: Tuesday, Jan. 20th, 2008.

Femme What: James Jeans, ruffled tuxedo blouse by INC, red wool coat, vintage I. Magnin. Thrifted navy belt and red scarf, two-tone Mary Janes by Linea Paolo.

Femme Confession: Was everybody ready for today or what? It was such an incredible, exciting day. I had no idea what to expect. None at all. The petite and I joined a friend of ours very early this morning at the Oakland Coliseum (I refuse to call it the McAfee Coliseum or Oracle Arena or whatever they refer to it as nowadays) for the Special Presidential Inauguration Viewing. I had hoped that folks would come through with their special Oaklandish brotherly love, because it really is a special kind of love, and they did, with abandon! It was wonderful. What a spectacular day! I’m overcome with joy, I really am. And for the first time in my life, I think, I proudly wore red, white and blue. Have we got the most handsome, graceful first family there ever was or what?! I think yes, yes, yes!

Tomboy What: Grey ‘Producer’ pants from Express, white dress shirt from Express, blue striped tie from Penguin, black Kenneth Cole boots, red Old Navy windbreaker jacket, silver tie clip from flea market!

Tomboy Confession: Ow! I am so sore from working out yesterday, it hurt to turn the steering wheel while driving. Operation “Get Buff” is in full effect!

When: Saturday, Jan. 10th, 2009.

What: Silk blouse by Chelsea Flowers, James Jeans Dry Aged Denim. Wool beret from H&M, black patent pumps by MaxStudio, metallic leather bag by Dolce Vita.

Confession: M & I had another San Francisco date today. It was superfun, and we went to Baghdad Cafe for brunch, which is where our first ‘real’ date was (see, we made out the night we met at a lesbian club called Hot Pants, and then I was super wily for a few weeks, and then she finally caught me and we had a date…and then happily ever after, la la la). We want to buy the handsome house in the alley this photo was taken in – exactly between the Mission and Castro off 16th.

The gays at Mr. S fawned all over my beret and the one guy made humping sex moves when explaining to us that the leather can gradually stretch over time and with normal use, so to make sure we come back if any adjustments need to be made, and by the way, “Nice heels!” AWESOME. Below are some photos from this awesome Cajun gingerbread restaurant in Oakland. My parents used to come here on special occasions ALL THE TIME when I was very, very wee, and it closed kind of abruptly last year, before M & I had the chance to try it. Sad. Still, I’m glad we got some photos before we move and it gets torn down and everyone forgets all about it, boo hoo hoo.

Also, here are my foul split ends and a photo of just how spectacularly pretty it was today:

When: Monday, Sept. 15th, 2008.

Femme What: Sully Bonnelly gown. Silver trench by Lapis (from previous slideshow). Peep-toe pumps by Carlos by Carlos Santana. DIY fancy hat courtesy of all things hella gay at Michael’s, incl. Swarovski crystals, golden pheasant plumage in bronze, assorted ribbons and voile fabric. Tuberose bouquet and boutonniere courtesy of The Meadows on College Avenue.

Tomboy What: Gray corduroy suit and white dress shirt by Express for Men. Tie by Calvin Klein, shoes by Kenneth Cole.

Newlywed Confession: More wedding photos from the femme & M. You’re welcome, kittens! XO.

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When: Wednesday, October 29th, 2008.

What: BCBGirls striped linen dress, brown tights from Old Navy, brown leather and suede peep-toe oxfords by Elie Tahari. Brown suede tote from Banana Republic.

Confession: Dead leaves and the dirty ground! Well, when I first met M, believe it or not, I did not like the White Stripes at all. AT ALL. I was sort of not for them. A few dates in I decided that I would try and be more open-minded; give them another chance. After all, if this very handsome tomboy loved them so, there had to be something. This was one of the first songs that sunk its teeth into my neck and really got me. I sent M a text on that very early Spring evening, sitting on my pretty hardwood floor with a cigarette and the sun streaming in through my tall, cathedral windows, and all it said was Soft hair and a velvet tongue, I want to give you what you give to me. Dreamy.

What: Last night, in a proposal more dreamy than I could have ever imagined, my girlfriend of nearly four years asked me to marry her at a candlelit table tucked into the corner of the Top of the Mark, overlooking much of San Francisco on what must have been the most gorgeous night of the entire year.

I just wanted to share that with you, friends and lovers, because it’s the happiest news!

She presented me with a flawless Asscher cut diamond set in a brilliant platinum ring, the entire band set with pave diamonds and a lovely, dancing filigree.

Confession: I said yes, and I’ll keep on saying yes for evermore.