fitforafemme.com

Happy hump day, y’all! I am ever so slightly under the weather with a bit of a head cold, but otherwise life is just lovely. The sun came out again today and despite the fact that I can scarcely breathe, I decided it was midweek and FFAF needed some action. I’ve been living in this outfit, as it’s not too cold here lately, but it’s not warm by any means, either. This is a nice balance because it’s super comfortable, and a great excuse to rock some color, too. I’ll admit I’d hardly given Spring a second thought until yesterday and all the Groundhog Day activity! The internets, they do not let you forget. My head is far too stuffed to continue on in any meaningful way, so let’s make a list of shows I’m obsessed with at present:

1. LOST, because it’s bananas:

2. The Tudors really needs to hurry up and get back on the air already. Sex, violence, religion, politics, corsets. Need I say more?

3. The Pacific, which is a new miniseries coming to HBO this March, a sort of complement to Band Of Brothers, which I really, really loved and always watch whenever it’s on. I need to own it. Maybe they’ll create an amazing box set with both series after The Pacific premieres.

4. Big Love is the show I want to be addicted to, but I’m not quite there yet. It’s in the queue! M & I watched an episode or two awhile back and were pretty ambivalent about it, but have since been convinced by friends that we need to start from the beginning and give it some time. (This better not be like True Blood, y’all!)

5. Last but not least, Grey’s Anatomy. This one is all my BFF’s fault. I’ve mocked her incessantly for years about this show. I’ve spent countless Friday mornings rolling my eyes over coffee while she went on and on about Izzy this, McDreamy that and last season, we somehow got sucked in. Unbelievable. Now we have the video game. Yang, of course, is our favorite, and now I know exactly what the BFF means when she says, “You’re my person.”

CONFESSION: Last week I received a call out of the blue: Would you like two tickets to the opening night for A Christmas Carol? Why, yes, of course I would! I suppose it was a reward for good parental behavior (I donated several bottles of wine to the holiday auction) or perhaps for my offspring’s own stellar academic performance, regardless, the petite and I left the tomboy at home on a freezing Tuesday night and embarked on a mission in the heart of Union Square to the Geary or A.C.T. Theater (depending on a number of variants or preferences).

Not wanting to freeze my arse off yet insisting upon paying respect to the performances sartorially, I chose this glam-but-officious outfit, topped with leather gloves and a heavy wool pea coat. I haven’t seen the play since I last evolved politically,  but it was wonderful nonetheless. Very spooky and lively and pretty to look at and modernized for today’s ADD-addled audiences. During intermission, the petite and I sipped Orangina and champagne respectively, and it was a splendid evening.

PS. The socks are from Bloomingdale’s or Saks or something, and the fur is vintage. Of course.

PPS. WTF re: my skinny arms? I am convinced it’s the heavy velvet wide-leg pants skewing perspective, because NO.

CONFESSION: It is 1AM on Thanksgiving Day and I have two pumpkin cheesecakes cooling in the oven, with cinnamon and nutmeg crusts. In the queue for the oven are my butterscotch and chocolate chip pumpkin cookies, and after that my third-generation, closely guarded shortbread is waiting patiently. Yes, I’m a madwoman. The white, spiced pear sangria is marinating in the fridge, so that my mother’s guests can sip on some festive sangria de cava and so far, it tastes amazing. Hangar One Spiced Pear vodka, white wine, chunks of pear, orange, lemon, apple and cranberries, with ginger, nutmeg and cinnamon for spices. Yes, all of this has been in this outfit. (No heels! No apron!) Time was of the essence. Still is. When will we sleep? Soon, soon. Hope each and every one of you lovely FFAF readers has a wonderful holiday. This femme is very thankful for you, indeed. Cheers!

CONFESSION: Spot the Maker’s! That wee bottle was critical in my speedy recovery from this miserable CRUD sickness I have only just now come out of (alive, praise Dolly), after 9 hellish days of being bedridden. God, I despise being sick. I despise being slowed down. Do y’all know how fast I go? FAST. It was unpretty, but we are moving forward. By now you may have heard that we (as in San Fran-fussy-cisco) had a whole hour of 300 MPH torrential downpour blues earlier today. Hayes Valley, the Van Ness Muni station, parts of the Mission flooded in some places up to three feet. There was some nonsense about a new pumping station, but come the bloody fuck on, people, if we can’t handle an hour of heavy rain then what on earth do we do when it rains steadily for days? CRY. DROWN. I would like to see how drowning rat hipsters handle that situation, I really do. Hm. Food for thought!

CURRENT OBSESSIONS:

• Reviewing fragrances and makeups here at FFAF again
• The perfect pair of brown (dark or mahogany) cowboy boots
• Making a delicious dish of scalloped potatoes from scratch
• Bourbon balls (you bitches know who you are)
• Horseback riding in some semi-regular capacity on the cheap
• Finishing a re-read of Ayn Rand’s Anthem, which started in the tub last night
• Trying to forgive myself for getting rid of a) an ashy purple velvet blazer and b) asymmetrical dresses, both from years ago, since they’re “back” – don’t you just fucking hate that?

DREAMY:

Confession: You are about to know WAY more about 1. Lush henna hair dye and 2. my night last night than you ever, ever wanted to know. Get cozy, stay awhile. Before I tell that story, I must share the link to the new LGBT Pride Month Proclamation from President Obama posted on the whitehouse.gov website yesterday. It pleases me – I still need to see more significant action, but I am pleased. Especially with this part (bolding mine):

These issues affect not only the LGBT community, but also our entire Nation. As long as the promise of equality for all remains unfulfilled, all Americans are affected. If we can work together to advance the principles upon which our Nation was founded, every American will benefit. During LGBT Pride Month, I call upon the LGBT community, the Congress, and the American people to work together to promote equal rights for all, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity.

NOW, THEREFORE, I, BARACK OBAMA, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim June 2009 as Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Pride Month. I call upon the people of the United States to turn back discrimination and prejudice everywhere it exists.

Back to the story. M is in Phoenix on business and last night seemed like the perfect time to commit to appx. 8 hrs. of semi-risky hair experimentation. The objective: To make my newly cut hair shinier (yes, shinier) and a little bit richer and more even in color via one bar of Lush’s Caca Brun Hair Mama Henna. I really wanted to NOT dump more chemicals into my hair b/c, well, it’s gross and not conducive to shininess. Pursuant to the overall advice of countless forum and comment posts I researched, I chucked the bar into the blender with a freshly brewed 1/2 pot of delicious coffee, observed the fact that once blended to the consistency of brownie or cake batter, it looks JUST LIKE GREEN BABY POOP and went to town thoroughly applying the dye with gloves out of my DIY bain marie.

No more than 10-15 minutes after committing my head to a slimy-but-gritty green beehive wrapped tightly with plastic cling wrap, ready for a full night’s sleep, did our building’s fire alarm go off. Dudes, seriously? I was like Eminem on MTV Movie Awards Night: ARE YOU SERIOUS!? ARE YOU SERIOUS!?!??!?!?!?!?!?! Eff. My. Life. It was so worst case scenario it’s not even funny. I got the petite up. Got the puppies together. Grabbed my documents and phone and rummaged through M’s things to put on one of her beanies – A FUCKING BEANIE!!! – over the slime-hive of baby poop death and schlepped downstairs, where all 60 or so of our neighbors waited for the fire dept. to come and investigate and then finally turn the deafening alarms off. When I say deafening, I am not kidding. That shit is louder than standing right in front of a speaker at a Sonic Youth show, and shrill as hell. It cannot possibly be within legal decibel levels.

I suppose I should note that it is common knowledge that REAL fires would trigger the overhead sprinklers, so the only real danger was my total and utter embarrassment. The bldg. was cleared within 10-15 minutes, in the meantime I cooed soothing things to the puppy and repeatedly asked my petite if slime was oozing out of the hat anywhere. She said no, but she was also sleepily giggling at me. Once we were safely back in our loft, I tried to sleep, but woke up every 30 or so minutes from 12:30AM through 5:30AM, at which point I could no longer stand it and got up to rinse all the dye out and shower, while M slept just as fitfully from her hotel room in Phoenix because we are awesomely pathetic like that. She watched an Arizona sunrise, I obtained shinier, more uniform dark brown hair with soft hints of auburn.

But you’ll have to wait until my next blog post to see it!

More fun facts about Lush hair dye:

• They come in four colors – rouge/red, marron/chestnut, noir/black and brun/brown. The results vary wildly by hair type, condition and natural color, but the guarantees are pretty much that your hair will be: shinier, healthier, chemical-free, in terms of color, richer and multi-dimensional.
• People experiment wildly with these – adding DIY, at-home ingredients like paprika, lemon juice, cloves, etc. to the mix and swapping plain hot or boiling water with brewed coffee, red zinger or chamomile or black tea, etc. depending on your desired result. Oils like olive or lavender are also popular additions, as much for shine as texture or scent.
• Next time, I’d probably do a 2:1 ratio of marron:brun or even marron:rouge over my dark, dark hair, because it really seems to make the strands pop like whoa. I envy like hell any blondes/dirty blondes who can get away with their reds – the results are simply stunning, provided you have healthy hair and a decent cut to start with. Like Tori Amos stunning.
• It also seems like some of the added ingredients are meant to help with the smell, which folks whine about A LOT, but for me it was just like an especially earthy and damp green tea.
• Another thing I’d do different next time is buy a few empty hair dye applicator bottles from the beauty store, fill them up with the hot henna mix, and plunk ‘em into near-boiling water (bain marie or whatnot) to make application easier. It’s messier than regular dye, but not THAT much messier.
• People also seem to get more intense results when they babysit it with a blow dryer every 30 minutes or so for 2-3 hrs., as opposed to no heat overnight, like I did, so I’d probably try that as well.

When: Friday, August 8th, 2008.

What: M’s silver bowtie, vintage. Ruffled white blouse from INC International Concepts, black satin and velvet mini from the Erin Fetherston for GO Int’l / Target collection. Black knee socks from Target and liquid silver booties with ombre wedge heel by Apepazzo. Birdie is from Michael’s, that deadly black suckhole of craft addiction.

Black studded bracelet from Dollywood, rings from Laundry by Shelli Segal, vintage  rhinestone and pearl necklace. Coat of arms pin from Tristan and Swarovski art deco studs from Holland’s amazing Silver Crane Sterling. They are probably my favorite source for pretty and sparkly things, next to Made Her Think.

Confession: It is 3am and I am drunk as preppy skunk in these photos. They were taken after our night out dancing. Also, I was super pissed off that months ago I was all “Ooh! Bowtie as headband!” and during our Jenner mini-break I cracked open that month’s issue of Elle and BLAM! KA-CHOW! there was my goddamn bowtie headband idea. I hate when that happens! I thought of it first, you assholes! (It is possible that I am still ever so slightly boozy.) Anyway, I rocked that shit last night, so there.

When: Sunday, July 27th, 2008.

What: Black sequin tunic from Juniper Tree, cigarette pants by Laundry by Shelli Segal, black cardigan from the Erin Fetherston for GO Int’l / Target collection. Braided silver headband from modcloth.com, amazing liquid silver booties with ombre wedge heel by Apepazzo, metallic leather handbag by Dolce Vita.

Confession: I have only one very wiggly puppy to thank for these booties. She so generously sent them to me after deciding that they had my name written all over them. They’re so femmebot! she wrote excitedly. I’m so glad they’re mine now, and I can’t imagine the inspiration belonging to anyone other than one of the most fabulous original femmebot vixens ever, Barbarella.