fitforafemme.com

Confession: Too many to list. I will start by explaining this outfit. M, H and I all decided that in the battle of all-girl zombie roller derby (too early, high cover charges, no dancing) vs. Cockblock (a party full of moody lesbians and too many foul-smelling straight boys, “New Lesbo” music) vs. Cockfight (a party full of pleasant, chatty homos wearing nice cologne and the promise of 80smashupelectroJOCKSTRAPjams), there was a clear winner.

The dress code called for locker room attire. We did our best. I refused to wear sneakers out dancing. I have boundaries, you know. But I did wear a whistle (which was used mightily throughout the night on racist, sexist, non-PC and other derogatory comments) and a wristband.

Other items of note:

• On the way into the city, we listened to Fleetwood Mac on cassette. CASSETTE! M was PUMPED.
• I left a voicemail for a stranger named “Evan” re: fine whiskeys at the request of a very excited Indian gay
• Everyone we met has worked on one cycle or another of ANTM
• The only person we met that we didn’t like was Kenny G, because he kept dissing “rude immigrant and/or ‘illegals’ lesbians” and the only reason he didn’t get a spiked heel through his balls is b/c his date begged me not to destroy his only chance at sex that night
• Gays we met and loved sided with us against Kenny G, making hilarious saxaphone noises in his direction
• Which forced Kenny G to leave the premises immediately
• We all got awesome t-shirts during the midnight giveaway
• All the gays kept treating me like some very fragile and cute little doll
• One gay had on a real bowtie and pink socks, and another had little elephant socks
• Vegan gays were told to “just give up” on convincing us of their cause; I hissed to H “Don’t tell them I wear fur, god damn it!” because they were v. sweet and nice
• This one’s for Rojo: The DJ played 2 seconds of Ready For The Floor by Hot Chip, and I got so excited, but then he stopped it. H blames this and other things on the iPhone generation aka “The Downfall of Civilization.” (I will remedy this by playing it tomorrow night at LBF Mondays at the Glas Kat!)

Note from a femme: Welcome to my tomboy! This is her first post, so greet her sweetly! (I know y’all will, you damn HOORS.) She’ll take over from here.

Before & After

Let me explain. I have been fighting with the femme for weeks now; I insist that I need a haircut, she insists that I do not. Please see the “before” photo(s):

I was well on my way to a hard-core Mexi-mullet, complete with inexplicable FEATHERING. WTF?! Also? I look like a lopsided toadstool from the Mario video games. (I know this because over the last 3 weeks or so I have logged some 40-odd hours playing Super Paper Mario : Thousand Year Door and asking the femme to find hints for me on-line — she’s such a good girlfriend!)

It was about 900 degrees Fahrenheit in Oakland today, and once again, I threatened to cut my own hair. The femme finally relents, so I dressed up for the shoot and cut. [I shopped at nearby fabulous Rockridge vintage & contemporary boutique Pretty Penny. -Femme]

Observe how much more handsome I look POST-haircut. I even look like I smell clean! My hair is now tidy and well-behaved. And look, I have ears! No more toadstool head! I feel much better, and encourage all of you to join me in a whiskey on the rocks. Cheers.

When: Sat., June 21st, 2008

Tomboy What (some facts, loosely based on reality): Seersucker shorts from Express for Men, H&M military shirt and belt, O’Neill flip flops and the tie actually belongs to the femme. Breitling Chronographe watch (bought in NYC while hungover in the street). Vintage silver & black Equestrian tie clip.

Femme What: Dress by Mango, vintage brown leather belt with embossed spring flowers from Down At Lulu’s, Nocona cowboy boots. Sunglasses by Oscar de la Renta, vintage onyx necklace.

[Confession: That awesome skinny black tie with the cute little olive green skull & crossbones? Hot Topic. Shut up. - Femme]