It seems we’ve all gone headfirst into December, with brash winds and orphan sunshine. Poor M’s been locked in a brutal two-day offsite brainstorming session for work the past few days, and is so sleepy she can’t even drink bourbon. It’s shocking, I know. Anyway, here she is standing in front of some sort of houseboat in a state of disrepair, in Sausalito. There are all sorts of boat lifts and such on either side of her, and despite the abandoned cooler in the front left, there wasn’t a soul around!

Boat, boat, we’re on a boat! This is pulling into Tiburon, on the ferry, of course. I love how it looks like she’s manning the corner/door, like she’s keeping watch almost. Side note: Did you know that watchcaps haven’t got anything to do with watches? I didn’t. I had to be told. I thought perhaps watches got so cold in extreme weather that there are wee tiny knit hats to keep them safe from the elements. Adorable, but WRONG.

This is the amazing, $300 Newkirk Down Vest she scored for $99 not long ago, by Polo Ralph Lauren. It’s pretty amazing, especially considering we’d been scouring the interwebs for puffers for weeks and she kept vetoing most of them as not awesome enough (even those with wildly outrageous price tags). She thinks this one is perfect, and now she’s got two and is satisfied – I think.

I like these photos so much, M all smashed up against the window (you can see how cold it is) and peering out with that dreamy, childlike curiosity. We saw all sorts of wildlife in the water that day – harbor porpoises who’ve been hanging out in the bay this time of year for the past few years (biologists are researching why, it’s fascinating), enormous pelicans dive-bombing for food, and sea lions. While the porpoises were super cool, my favorite, hands-down, are the pelicans. They’re so kamikaze! And clumsy! And the splash they make and the angle at which they plummet into the water, it’s a sight to behold.

This is where the very unsuccessful, wee crab-catching occurred. Hooray!

Corduroys: Kenneth Cole
Shirt: Izod
Sweater: Zara
Puffer: Polo Ralph Lauren
Boots: Mark Nason
Gloves:  H&M
Glasses: Dior Homme

Look how happy we are! We ought to live on a boat, like Conor says. (I love this song, I’d sing it over and over at the top of my lungs to and from my riding lessons all summer. Such a good album.)

We should move to Sausalito
Living’s easy on a houseboat
Let the ocean rock us back and forth to sleep

In the morning with the sunrise
Look in the water see the blue sky
As if heaven has been laid there at our feet

THIS FACE. Look, I realized that I have all these fantastic photos of M from the summer and probably people should see them. I mean, she’s handsome and do we really need a reason beyond that? No. No, we don’t. I’ll give you little details here and there, but consider this a break from the usual format to sit back and enjoy a little friendly tomboy action.

Top: At the beach house in Dillon Beach. This was actually quite early in the morning, while we waited for coffee to brew. You can’t see the striped pajama pants under the table! The sweater is ancient Express for Men, she says.

Bottom left: Dillon Beach Cafe. There’s a Mike’s Hard Lemonade sitting in front of her (she wasn’t feeling the wine or beer choices) and she’s wearing a shirt from Macy’s.

Bottom right: Dillon Beach! H&M striped t-shirt, awesome captain hat with a Colonel pin.

Dillon Beach and the pups. We’d gone out for a morning walk to explore the beach with the dogs. We discovered the epic sand dunes and did a preliminary search for dead stuff on the shore.

She’s wearing cargo pants, which I hate, and which replaced the ones she threw away last month when they became a health hazard during our Habitat for Humanity outing. Fiberglass bits and such. Had to go. Bye. Then she popped out to pick up a few things for our weekend trip, and came back with these. GREAT. Now she wears them to spite me. She’s wearing them now, actually.

There was something going on at work when chose this ensemble. The weather had cooled a bit – it was probably before our Indian Summer – and she paired jeans with this Kenneth Cole cardigan, a Nautica shirt (obviously one of her favorites) and a new bow tie to dress things up a little bit.

You’ll recognize this dress from my last post, but M has her own thing going on. Levi’s slacks, a Ben Sherman shirt and a polka dot bow tie that we found on Etsy. Her scruffy Aldo shoes. Bird! We’d just come home from Hard French. She required a stiff drink.

This one is here for the beerish smirk and hair, obviously.

Well, I enjoyed that, I hope you did too. Sometimes you just need a mega-dose of tomboy, you know? Mm hmm. I bet you do.

Love,

FFAF

Show of hands: Have you, personally, missed the tomboy’s delightful little entries here at FFAF?

U H – H U H.

I knew it. Sweet readers, consider this an early Christmas present, because M is back to tell us all about this outstanding holiday party ensemble of hers now:

“First things first, company holidays parties are the worst. You can’t curse anyone out, you can only bring one guest (if you’re lucky!), you feel like you HAVE to attend and the food is always so-so. On the other hand, there’s an open bar, the venue might be really fantastic, you don’t hate everybody and it’s free!

After dragging the femme to several of my company holiday parties, it was time I attended one of hers. Of course, her affair is ultra- fancy and black tie ‘optional’ at a museum (not just any museum, y’all, the Asian Art Museum, which used to be the former main library for the city of San Francisco, with a Beaux-Arts exterior to die for. – Skinny), whereas mine are business casual (at best), and held at a “sports club” – which is really just a gym that still smelled kinda sweaty – made to look like a casino, or a small restaurant/bar (we software engineers like to keep it classy). I was worried it was going to be unbearable, but fortunately, we have finally mastered the art of showing up, enjoying ourselves, and leaving before any of the embarrassing dancing takes place. It’s a lot of fun because you know shit is already going to hell in hand basket, and someone will surely be fired before the night is out, and you see people lining up for more free drinks, and you quickly say your goodbyes before anyone gets too sloppy or (heaven forbid) forces you to dance. Then you head to a real bar, where you pay real money, but you get much better drinks and much better company! That’s the holiday spirit.”

M is leaving out that last year’s holiday party was held at an aviation museum, which I thought was pretty cool.

(Important note: These and subsequent photos were taken after free drinks AND purchased real drinks at a real lesbian bar. In our garage. Because I haven’t had the time to develop my “studio” and the show must go on in the interim, mustn’t it?)

Slacks: Express
Dress Shirt: Kenneth Cole
Black Velvet “Nerd Band Jacket Action” & Tartan Plaid Tie: H&M
Tie Clip: Vintage
Belt: Calvin Klein
Albino Zombie Stag Brooch: Etsy
Boots: Lounge by Mark Nason
Ridiculously Adorable Dogs: Conor “Bird” Bennett, Chipotle or “the fucking dingo” (crazy courtesy of rescue shelters)

S W O O N.

Fact: Don’t attempt to use sand dollars as skipping stones.
Fact: Don’t attempt to skip stones when a big wave is about to throw you off balance.
Fact: Don’t attempt to recreate the precarious water scene karate move thing from Karate Kid.
Fact: Don’t attempt the above especially when a big wave is about to throw you off balance whilst your wife grins behind a camera.

Actually? Scratch that. Attempt all of the above, you will have a tremendous and soaking wet day at the beach!

Fact: OMG, I used to have the biggest crush on him.

Tip: If you’re a tomboy type, leave your wallet in the car or in your bag. Don’t say I didn’t warn you! M still has sand in hers, I bet.

Fact: This dress is ancient now. Like five years old!
Fact: Twirling in a sand dune with 4.5″ wedge heels is hard.
Fact: Dizzily veering toward the edge to your sandy demise is not recommended.
Fact: If your loverbird tells you to lie down next to bees and dragonflies, you’d better listen.
Fact: It’s way easier to just sand there looking all bossy with your legs planted wide apart. Like so:

Dress: Nolita
Shoes: Dolce Vita
Ring: Vintage
Sunglasses: Kenneth Cole
Necklace: Isla Mujeres boutique
Background: Ocean Beach, San Francisco

More and more and more sunshine. These were taken in a friend’s backyard. I’m standing in an empty fish pond and drinking a mocha from Martha & Bros., trying not to think about all the cocktails I foolishly consumed the night before, at both Mango and Cockblock, nor how I was still fighting a nasty summer cold.

M & I were waiting for them (“bcw” and Dr. Dyke, if you must know) to look after their kittens before we headed down to Jack London Square for the 2nd annual Eat Real Festival, an amazing weekend full of the greater SF Bay Area’s best street food carts, local beer and wine, entertainment and the most current, informative happenings in the world of slow food and sustainable eats.

This is FFAF’s 2nd year at the festival!

Wearing:

Levi’s Denim
Old Navy linen cami with pintucks
RVCA shirt w/ roll-up sleeves
Boots from Portland’s Rock n’ Rose
Bag by Emilie M.
Handmade necklace
Kenneth Cole sunglasses

It was a gorgeous day. We ate so much, we drank a lot, we all stripped down because it got so bloody hot, and we sat in the shade to watch the most incredible butcher contest I’ve ever seen before in my life (okay, so it was the only one I’ve ever seen). Another great year with the best friends at a superbly done event. GO OAKLAND!

Here are some fun pics from the day:

THE GOOD STUFF (brace yourselves, it’s PORK-O:

Sunday before last, we went to an epic brunch featuring an outstanding drag show at the Sir Francis Drake in San Francisco. This past Sunday, we went to an SF Giants vs. LA Dodgers ballgame, an exciting one, apparently, on account of the fact that the Giants were poised to sweep the Dodgers in the series. (I don’t speak baseball; forgive me any errors.)

On Saturday, however, M indulged my new lust for suspenders and bought me a pair of skinny ones from H&M, and I was dying to wear them. You know how it goes. (I am currently typing so speedily that M suspects I have Nasdaq trading windows open. I do not. Hello, the market’s closed. Except in Japan, but I’m so sure.)

So, yeah, this is what I wore to AT&T/PacBell Park. (Free drink for the first person to correctly name it, I really just can’t keep up.) One girl walking past literally squealed, pointed and exclaimed, “OOH, SUSPENDERS!” all gleefully. I felt more like a stable boy than anything else, but it was a really, really fun outfit to wear. Believe it or not, not a lick of what I’ve got on belongs to the tomboy. Not even the hat. That belongs to the petite, and it’s from Goorin Bros.

A girly girl in tomboy drag makes what?! I don’t know, but it was S U P E R.

Let’s break it down from head to toe!

Hat: Goorin Bros.
Suspenders: H&M
Shirt: RVCA
Trousers: RVCA
Boots: Lamica
Bag: Betsey Johnson
Sunglasses: Kenneth Cole

Last but not least, some pics from the day just for fun. The tomboy in her LA Dodgers garb, the consumption of cotton candy (do you know they come in flavors? I like blue the best, M prefers pink, how’s that for GENDERFUCKERY, yo), me feigning delight and excitement in a souvenir shop, boozing and the big, gloriously blue sky we were blessed with on game day…

It began innocently enough. We took a cab ride to a Peruvian restaurant in San Francisco’s Fillmore District to attend a dear friend’s bachelorette party. Our table was littered with carafes of delicious sangria, lots of glittery beads, cheeky bachelorette temporary tattoos, masquerade party masks and tiaras. (I got M to wear one Max-from-Where-the-Wild-Things-Are style, but she said she’d kill me dead if the photos ever saw the light of day, so keep dreaming.) Did you know that they made little hot pink party sashes that light up for brides-to-be? I did not.

Dinner was delicious and the blushing bride had no clue where the rest of the night was headed!

The wine bar we went to afterward greeted us with cheers, mostly from hapless men who quickly realized we were all lesbians. Many flutes were filled and filled again with a nice cava we’ve never tried before, and the delightful hostess of the party got us started on a series of sweet, touching and hilarious bachelorette-themed games, and even handed out fancy prizes to the winners. M & I both won a round, not that we’re ultra-competitive or anything.

Drunkity! Fast-forward a few hours and we’re up to our ears in gay and knee-deep in booze, having taxied over to the Castro at the bachelorette’s request. We danced a lot and drank a lot and partied like it was 2005 all over again. It was excellent.

I wore:

Red dress by Donna Ricco
Max Studio pumps
Emilie M. bag
Lipstick bullet pendants by Culp Baubles
Vintage earrings and swing coat

M wore:

Booth & Bruce glasses
Kenneth Cole dress shirt
Express slacks
Zara shoes

Signing off only a little bit creepily,

M & SBJ