fitforafemme.com

HISSYFIT CONFESSION: Last night M saunters in from her poker game at work, grinning even though she didn’t win, a bottle of Nicolas Feuillatte in hand (they give her one every year on her anniversary), talking about how she was invited at the last minute to a work excursion ON A YACHT for a CHAMPAGNE LUNCH during the first real BLUE ANGELS SHOW of FLEET WEEK on the bay. It was for everyone on the team of a specific project she wasn’t on, but had put in so much work on that they wanted to include her, which is super awesome. Not so awesome? She couldn’t take me with her, obviously! Pout, pout, pout.

No matter that I’d been geeking out on the air shows all day long and had pretty much memorized the schedule. Thursday, noon – practice. Friday, 2PM – practice, 3PM – show. Saturday…you get the picture. Anyway, I decided to put my big girl panties on and go with her today no matter what. My plan was to send her off and then find a nice spot on the wharf somewhere to watch all by lonesome. With a flask, preferably. M threatened to kill me if I let any hot tomboy pilots pick me up and take me for a ride, though, so there went that plan! (Pfft…whatever happened to Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell?)

Tune back in tomorrow for more pics and the rest of the story. Yes, I’m a tease. I know. But the tomboy just made a round of cosmos and it’s urgent. And guess what?! Sunday = cowgirls, go-carts and In & Out for a very special birthday girl’s celebrations. It’s going to be a good weekend, y’all. Have fun!

CONFESSION: These photos are approximately 8 days old. GASP. Really, they are just tomboy candy and for fun. An impromptu gay parody of sorts after American Gothic, of course, which makes ever so much more sense if you know my complete and total (and often hilarious and heartrendingly tragic) family history. After running around in my mother’s backyard, we found ourselves some serious gardening tools and had some silly fun.

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Confession: Instead of confessing whatever silly thing I was going to, I have decided (in belated honor of International Women’s Day) to post some information on defending ourselves. First, I’ll post “Every Woman’s BILL OF RIGHTS,” from The New Assertive Woman by Bloom, Coburn & Pearlman:

1. The right to be treated with respect.
   
2. The right to have and express your own feelings and opinions.
   
3. The right to be listened to and taken seriously.
   
4. The right to set your own priorities.
   
5. The right to say “no” without feeling guilty.
   
6. The right to ask for what you want.
7. The right to get what you pay for.
   
8. The right to ask for information from professionals.
9. The right to make mistakes.
   
10. The right to choose not to assert yourself.

The following section is from a handout on Boundary Setting: Assertive Verbal Response from a local self-defense organization, Impact Bay Area. I thought this was important because it’s the kind of thing that happens to lots of us on a frequent, consistent basis. If you take public transportation or just like being out and about on your own, these are situations I think we’re all very familiar with. The handout provides some tools for dealing with them effectively:

“When setting verbal boundaries, it is safest to be as direct and assertive as possible. While it is not important to worry about being polite, it is important to consider how someone might respond to a boundary we set. Of course, we can never control the way a person will respond or react, but the way in which we set our boundaries can influence the progression of a confrontation. Our response can de-escalate or escalate the situation. A passive response can escalate a situation as much as an aggressive one; in either case we have not stated our own feelings and have left the door open for our statements to be misinterpreted. An assertive response communicates that our feelings are not open for negotiation.

Below are possible responses to unwelcome behavior. Consider what the response might be in each situation.”

IMPORTANT REMINDERS:

• DON’T get caught in the other person’s agenda; if he has a problem it is NOT your job to fix it and it is NOT your responsibility to help him. Trust your instincts about people.
• DON’T get into answering questions you don’t want to answer or having a conversation you don’t want to have.
• REPEAT yourself if necessary. This is an easy way to reaffirm your boundary if someone pushes it.

PRACTICE SAYING THESE STATEMENTS ASSERTIVELY:

• Don’t do that.
• Go away.
  
• Leave me alone.
• I’m not friendly.
• I mean it.
• Stop.
• Back off.
  
• I have nothing more to say.
• Stop touching me NOW.

That’s all for now, but I do hope to continue the theme until y’all say when. I also want to note that these tools and methods apply to women as well; it’s far rarer than the reverse, but women commit acts of violence against women, too.

Be safe and informed, kittens, and make sure your daughters are, too.

When: Friday, Feb. 20th, 2009.

What: James Jeans, white thermal from The Gap, striped corduroy and taffeta cropped jacket by Avocado. Scarf from Old San Juan boutique, gray booties by Bebe.

Scent: Bois Farine by L’Artisan Parfumeur. Hells bells, I don’t even know what to make of this scent. I don’t like it at all, but it intrigues me. What IS that? Why? It’s all playdoh and imitation vanilla at the beginning, and it takes its sweet molasses ass time drying down to something mildly tolerable, but still…off. There’s a subtle sweetness and heavy woodiness and something foody, which is consistent with reviews by others. The notes are fennel seed, white iris, white cedar, sandalwood, benzoin, gaiacwood and farine flower. I am not for it and it shows real true dedication that I put it on twice just to give y’all this review, because I really and truly cannot stand it. Well!

Confession: I was at my fancy new job today. At home. In my kimono. All day long. It was fabulous. M worked from home, too, so here we were like two sickeningly happy peas in a pod! Hurrah! Here are some photos of my new “office” and the gorgeous blue kimono robe. Also, some short stacks of inspiration that I like to keep handy.

I’m experimenting with a new format! Some time ago, the snapshots on wordpress.com suddenly disabled, preventing y’all from clicking on new pics to get more detail. Some readers complained that they couldn’t see the awesomeness closer up, and that made me sad. As a result, instead of posting a ton of wee pics, I’m going to try and post only 3-4 larger ones. I hope that helps!

Anyway, take the poll below and let me know if you like it!
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When: Saturday, Jan. 31st, 2009.

Femme What: Black velvet frock trimmed with embroidered ribbon, Free People. White tank by Mimi & Coco. Boots from Lamica, black ribbon headband from Target and skull-and-pearls necklace by Betsey Johnson.

Femme Scent: Vera Wang’s Princess, with notes as follows: Water Lily, Lady Apple, Mandarin Meringue, Golden Apricot Skin, Ripe Pink Guava, Tahitian Flower, Wild Tuberose, Dark Chocolate, Pink Frosting Accord, Precious Amber, Forbidden Woods, Royal Musk Captive, Chiffon Vanilla. I like this for a sweet and girly casual day scent that’s not too cloying or heavy. It’s nice and light, with enough going on to keep it from being boring and really good staying power.

Femme Confession: It appears, quite tragically, that I am not a fan of scotch. ‘Tis a pity! M brought a rather nice bottle home last night, along with heart-shaped chocolates from local chocolatiers Joseph Schmidt and wee tiles of solid milk and dark chocolate from Charles Chocolates! Perhaps it’s just the Islay variety – something in the peatiness, maybe – but not only did the taste not sit well with me, just the whiff off the cork made me feel boozy right away! Anyway, here’s an invitation to come visit us and help M drink this very lovely bottle of Lagavulin 16-Year Scotch:

Tomboy What: RVCA jeans, white guayabera bought in Old San Juan, PR. Mahogany Italian boots that are totally falling apart bought I have no idea where, vintage Yves Saint Laurent sangria tie with sea horsies bought at the bombass flea market.

Tomboy Confession: I woke up craving chilaquiles in green sauce even though I mostly only ever eat the kind in red sauce, so we went to Citron for brunch. They came with pulled pork and a very spicy salsa. I feel great about my breakfast, and am looking forward to the samosa parade later, and sliders tomorrow. The skinny one is not wearing underwear. There is scotch in the liquor cabinet. This sports weekend is going spectacularly!

When: Saturday, Jan. 3rd, 2008.

Tomboy What: RVCA jeans (x-mas gift!), black t-shirt from the Gap, gray wool coat from Zara for Men, with custom-made, DIY champagne bottle cap buttons. Black belt-with-holes from H&M, sunglasses by Spy Optic bought in Old San Juan (sniff) and black Kenneth Cole boots.

Tomboy Scent: That dandy one Skinny suggested I try. It smells like guys who wear bad rayon shirts, drive shitty cars and secretly spy on their girlfriends by following them to and from work. It smells like a clingy, insecure person. Repulsive.

Tomboy Confession: I really do slather almost all of my food in lime or lemon juice, as mentioned in the previous post (in the comments, natch - FFAF). We had a senior citizen’s dinner at 4pm tonight at Regalito. I ordered the Regalito chicken and guess what? It already comes slathered in lime!! I feel supported in my madness.

Femme What: Black dress by Laundry by Shelli Segal, cotton cardigan in a nice oatmeal color by Kersh Essentials, peacock tights from modcloth.com. Black leather bag from Betsey Johnson, yellow rainbow scarf from Peru by way of a surf ‘n skate shop in Bodega Bay and brown leather and suede lace-up peep-toe oxfords by Elie Tahari.

Femme Confession: Despite a bit of galivanting in SF today, I’m still fighting the last wee traces of a cold off. A cough here, sniffle there…the lingering just obnoxious enough to keep me from feeling 100% again. It was such a crispy, clear and beautiful day. We made a very pleasant trip to Mr. & Madame S in SOMA, followed by a ruined attempt to eat at The Slanted Door in the Ferry Building (only their lounge was open) but ended up having a delicious meal at Regalito, followed by a drink (I tried a Jameson & ginger for the first time – amazing!) and several awesome rounds of Spot The Difference Erotic Babes with M at The Lex, SF’s only 24-7 lesbian bar.

I HAD NO IDEA THAT YOU COULD PLAY SPOT THE DIFFERENCE ONLINE, ZOMFG & PLS. TO EXCUSE ME:

When: Saturday, November 1st, 2008.

What: Dry aged denim by James James, vintage t-shirt with geese by Levi’s, cropped corduroy moto jacket by Abercrombie & Fitch. Charcoal scarf from Old San Juan boutique, suede Cerulific bag from modcloth.com and bronze boots by Donald J. Pliner.

Confession: The sky has buried itself in clouds and finally, finally, it’s begun to rain in earnest. I am looking out at a monochrome gray, wet sky that is darkening rapidly and it’s very, very happy. M & I slept in this morning (I had the filthiest, longest sex dream ever) and had a mimosa brunch at the beloved Godspeed, which was good for my heart today. M was worried it was too soon, but really, it was just right.

PS. This is fun: