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Last year when we went to get our tree, the lot was still damp from rain but it was warm enough out for bare legs! It’s kind of astonishing that we ended up with almost exactly the same size tree this year, albeit through a series of humorous and unintended follies. We decided to drive out to Half Moon Bay, where certain farms hand you a big old saw and let you pick your own to cut down. It was a spectacularly clear and sunny day, but with enough wintry bite to remind you what season it is.

I got the idea into my head because growing up it was always great fun when my family drove out to Half Moon Bay to chop down and carry home our very own special Christmas tree. In my mind, I was so small and the number and size of the trees so very vast that I would run around and get lost with my siblings. The trees were a deep, bold green and it all smelled like heaven. There was hot cider and everyone was happy, rosy-cheeked and smiling. Delightful! The most wholesome Normal Norman Rockwell-like memory of my happy childhood, really, and as it were it’s a big fat S H A M.

What is that?! Do you see that?! That’s not Christmas tree material! That’s a bush thing butchered to merely resemble a vague Christmas tree shape. There were so many of these, and tricksy M kept trying to sell me on ‘em. Outrageous! They didn’t even smell Christmas-y, and I was taking one home over my dead, hacked-to-pieces-with-a-rusty-saw body. I don’t know if it’s been a bad few years for trees (yes, I hear myself, please shut up) or we arrived too late in the season, but something’s changed in the past 20+ years, clearly.

The actual Douglas and Noble Firs still standing were too sad for our purposes. (I mean, look at that poor guy up there, center left.) They’d make fine Charlie Brown Christmas trees, or even perfectly acceptable 4′-5′ trees for smaller homes. I’m not disparaging them.

We wandered acres and acres, holding out hope for “the one” so that we could make our own perfect lumberjack lesbian family holiday moment. We’d pass other families circling like despondent vultures, kids in tow, M expressing solidarity with the exasperated husbands declaring that “the next one we find, we’re cutting down!” and me rolling my eyes good-naturedly with the women, and then we’d all fight over who got to carry the saw.

It was the saddest thing ever. Eventually we all became delirious, at several points ganged up on one another in different configurations, but mostly there was a great deal of laughter (and a flask of bourbon, I ain’t gonna lie). I fed it to M while we hiked another mile to check out one last patch of land, and that’s where we decided to plop down on a hillside to ready ourselves to admit defeat.

THAT’S WHEN WE SAW THEM.

Across the street, at another farm, dozens of absolutely perfect, lush, full, enormous trees. Sure, someone had already chopped them down, but we’d been out looking for hours and hours and damn hours, and no longer gave a shit. God, they were perfect. After a quick and very absurd family discussion, we got the hell out of there and went across the street, and found our special tree. (I had a brief dalliance with a Grand Fir, but we settled on a Noble. I’m a Noble gal at heart, as was my dear Aunt Judith.) The end! 

OUTFIT STUFF! I call these my “femme cargo pants” even though they are not quite that at all. They’re from H&M and have neat panels on the inner leg, like riding pants, with zippers all over the place. Pockets, ankles. Little baby snaps on the bum pockets. The faux fur vest is H&M as well, and the ruffled silk blouse is Lauren by Ralph Lauren. The pony belt is M’s but I steal it a lot. Boots are Nine West, the studded envelope clutch is Matt & Nat.

I’m wearing my stormy vintage ring from Pretty Penny, along with a Mariele Ivy necklace and lots of bracelets from Old Navy, actually. The earrings were a gift from M, lovely antique gold hoops with spangly bits of abalone.

Don’t worry, M brought her lumberjack hotness and she’s up next, along with before/after pics of the actual tree.

Hope everyone is having a lovely December out there,

FFAF

We woke up to the wonderful sound of rain falling softly on the roof and down the gutters, the morning light grey and dim. It made us hit the snooze button three times, pretty sure it’s what caused us to eat dessert for breakfast, and why we decided to make a second batch of coffee around noon. It feels like Christmastime!

It’s not, of course, it’s Veteran’s Day and Remembrance Day and 11/11/11 and also the day which most closely resembles corduroy and probably I’ve left something out, but there you go.

I’m just hoping it eases up by tomorrow morning, because we’ve got a two-hour horseback ride situation in Half Moon Bay, M & I. We’re supposed to still show up if it’s just drizzling a little bit, and I’m kind of hoping it does because it sounds dreamy. M would wear her puffer vest and I’d wear one of my faux fur ones with my Ralph Lauren sweater and riding boots and…oh! I’m getting carried away.

A friend of mine noted that it was a perfect day for listening to The Cure’s Disintegration, so I did and it kicked off a little Cure-fest. It’s such a fantastic record, and after it ended I popped in my DVD of The Cure’s Greatest Hits videos. My favorites are Boys Don’t Cry, Lovecats and Cut Here. Some days nothing but The Cure will do!

I love this outfit, it’s all the dark browns and blues and different textures, I think. We’re still in that lovely phase of Fall where bare legs still work as long as one is reasonably bundled up elsewhere, tights optional. Also, this ponytail makes my hair look ridiculously long. It’s not that long, I just had it trimmed not long ago!

See my riding helmet? It’s too tight. I need another one for my big old noggin’, boo. The skirt is Ann Taylor and I adore it. It’s the perfect hue of navy and has a little sheen to the quilted texture, and it fits like a glove. The pussy bow blouse is vintage and a lovely dove grey, the same exact color of today’s sky! The wool blazer with elbow patches is from H&M L.O.G.G. and has the prettiest printed lining (pics below). It’s a colorful kind of paisley with birds situation, really cute.

Y’all know these shoes by now, my Linea Paolo mega-babes, and how serious is this darling little satchel from Asos?! I’m still in love with it. We mean business.

Smoky blue ring from Pretty Penny, rawr necklace from Mariele Ivy. My Remington and pretty Zoya nails in Lo, a warm medium pink with just a smidgen of coral. I hope y’all have super fun weekends planned, check back soon for a little loverbird action – we have matching Everlane tees to show off, whee!

How did things even work before Google calendar? I mean, I’ve used Moleskine diaries more or less for the past ten years but I cannot recall the act – outside of business – of consulting it for my personal or social life. I know I’ve documented things in them (kept most of them, actually – I’m a bit of a packrat when it comes to paper) – but I certainly have no memory of coming home on a Friday night and musing over my entries to see what I had committed to that weekend.

This is all to say that last night at ten to eight, whilst standing in line at Trader Joe’s after happy hour cocktails, my phone alerted me to the fact that we had a show to be at in ten minutes. I was shocked. I’d forgotten about it completely! How could I?! It was Wild Flag! I love Wild Flag.

Long story short, we ended up with tickets to their show tonight instead – we’re lucky they’re playing two nights. I probably would have breezed through the whole weekend without realizing it if it weren’t for Google calendar (and my Android phone).

Or maybe I should digress back into good old pen on paper, after all.

Now to the outfit at hand. Say hello again to my awesome bear tights from Latvian designers QooQoo. The cold is sticking for now, we’ve got rain predicted all weekend, and I’ve got firewood (and books) stacked and ready to go just as soon as it starts to rain. Between that, a kettle of Earl Grey and pumpkin muffins baking in the oven, it’s going to smell like heaven in here very soon.

SWEATER DRESSES ARE HERE TO STAY, HOORAY!

Slow-mo hair toss.

The dress is H&M and I’ve got another in a soft, peachy cream shade. I cinched in the waist with an Yves Saint Laurent obi belt in black suede, and popped on my cuffed and studded black suede ankle boots by Trouvé. The fur collars are vintage, and the big black Union Jack bag in leather is from Betsey Johnson.

Let’s talk about nail polish! I’ve been doing all kinds of super basic but really fun nail designs myself. This set is all Zoya polishes: Cynthia (smoky, blackened peacock teal) with Jinx (warm, coppery bronze) for the tips. I love the color combination. The (truly, truly, truly) outrageous feather earring is from Macy’s and came in a pair, but it’s best to wear just one at a time. I got the nudie friendship bracelet from a lovely gal at Indie Mart here in SF, the ring from Pretty Penny in Oakland, and that’s it!

Have a cozy weekend, y’all.

/FFAF

Howdy, folks. How was everybody’s weekend? Ours was bloody fantastic. A dear friend from Boston came to stay with us and it was non-stop fantastical shenanigans from the minute she arrived Friday night, catching up over hibiscus flower cocktails to our early evening tea and cookies send-off on Sunday. We visited several nearby beaches, accompanied her to get a new tattoo at the stunning Seventh Son tattoo shop in SOMA, moseyed around Half Moon Bay’s pumpkin patches and harvest festival, and enjoyed many delicious meals and stories and laughs. It was a blast!

Our Indian Summer persists, despite what these photos may be telling you. We’ve had a few crispy Fall days here and there, but for the most part our days still hover in the 70s. I was so excited to wear this outfit – a super light silk dress fortified with thick black tights, riding boots and a natty, no-nonsense coat and bag. You’ve seen this dress before, but on a warm Spring day with bare legs and platform mules, so it was fun to turn it into something that works for this time of year, too.

I wanted to show y’all our new front door. It’s such a deep, lacquered mahogany, I love it. We got to pick from around six colors – glossy jet black, red-orange, pale blue, brown and darker beige. Originally, I asked for black, but changed my mind when they told me of the hassle involved. We’ve since decorated the house inside and out for Halloween – a wee bale of hay, lots of pumpkins, oversized pieces of candy corn and vampires and ghosts! I’ll try and get some photos up here soon. So festive!

Dress: Julie Brown
Coat: H&M
Boots: Etienne Aigner
Contrast Satchel: Asos
Foxtail: Dollywood

Necklace: Mariele Ivy
Thorned Cuff: Made Her Think
Earrings: Asos
Fox Ring: Asos / Smokey Ring: Pretty Penny, vintage

I’m rallying the power of collective femme realness to help out a dear reader!

Violet (not her real name, but it’s my favorite fake name) wrote to me a little while ago. My experience as a femme has been quite different from hers, so I didn’t feel equipped to give her very specific advice. I knew, however, that there are probably lots of you out there who have overcome or currently struggle with similar issues, and wouldn’t hesitate to provide some support in the comments. Read her query below…

How do you deal with criticism against your sexuality?

Violet writes: “I’m 18 and awkwardly came out to my parents a year and a half ago and ever since I’ve been ridiculously careful with what I disclose to my friends and family. Unfortunately, my family and I moved away from my liberal home-city abroad into a disgustingly well-manicured and subtlety corrupt society in the US two years ago…I was nervous that my friends parents, teachers and fellow schoolmates would…treat me differently.

If you’re gay here, you keep it a secret. That’s just how it works. No one wants to hear about it, talk about it or even acknowledge it. I can’t wait to get out of here next year, but I also know that it’s not the last time in life I will have to deal with this kind of treatment. I’m feminine as well and sometimes when I’ve told people that I’m gay they just look at me like I’m lying straight to their face/am going through a phase and they pity me. I honestly don’t know what to do and would like to know how you’ve done.”

Anyone who knows me is well aware of the fact that my knee-jerk response to this would be to slap someone silly. (Or, more likely, to cut them off coldly for evermore and never look back.) Not the healthiest responses, are they? That’s where y’all come in!

Violet needs some tools that go beyond an It Gets Better campaign, stuff she can use in her day-to-day interactions with family, peers and friends that will help her set boundaries and assert her femme-ness without necessarily burning bridges.

Please, please, please spend a moment in the comments to weigh in!

Book Club Meeting: Light Years by James Salter

Thrifted “Stuart Hall” Blazer
Vintage shirt, Pretty Penny
James Jeans (which I really ought to have cuffed, just once)
Dolce Vita platform mules
Vintage Dooney & Bourke bag
Beaded wooden necklace, India
Bear tooth necklace, Mariele Ivy

HEY GIRL HEY. So, I got a haircut and some saucy highlights and I am wearing a pony-print shirt, but the real news here is that we’re taking a break from travel posts (yes, AGAIN) for some super gay PSAs. Are you ready? Get ready. Pride month may be over but that doesn’t mean we just stop being fabulous and service-y. Get your clipboards out!

Sometimes in life – especially if you are young, or fresh out of the closet, or just discovering being femme – you want to ask an older, wiser, sager person questions. Like a lesbian big sister, but with the anonymity and instant gratification of the interwebs. Enter QueerGirlQuestions, an inspiration/advice blog for queer and questioning girls. Not only does it create a safe space for the above, it hopes these thought provoking questions help readers meet the challenge to live each day to the fullest.

If you happen to be the (not necessarily) older, wiser, sager type, you can also submit answers to the questions! Something for everyone! It’s also very much worth mentioning that the lovely gal running QGQ holds a bona fide Masters in Counseling Psychology, so there!

Did you know that you can watch over 2,000 documentaries for free online at SnagFilms? I didn’t, either, until someone from the company contacted me to tell me about a film called Red Without Blue. It’s the story of a pair of identical gay twins where one transitions from male to female. I haven’t watched it yet, but it’ll definitely go into the queue.

It’s worth a poke around to see what other LGBT documentaries they’ve got up their sleeve!

I love Cuba.

I love lesbians.

I love Cuban lesbians.

HELLO, ANNA MARGARITA ALBELO!

Autostraddle said it best: “Inspired by her lifelong passion for the classic, Who’s Afraid of Virginia Wolf, Albelo’s semi-autobiographical film centers on the day after a filmmaker’s (Albelo, playing herself) 40th birthday, realizing she’s sacrificed her love life for her film career, decides to embark on an all-female adaptation of the classic.”

The name of the adaptation? What else, kittens?!

There are only a few days left to help them raise funds – they are so close – and who wouldn’t want to support an all lesbian, female adaptation of ‘Who’s Afraid of Virgina Woolf?’, featuring hot femmes “swishing around in beautiful clothes”. Guess what else I love? HOT FEMMES! SWISHING! BEAUTIFUL CLOTHES! I think most of you do, too. If you can, give ‘em a boost through indiegogo.com or repost this to your sexy lesbotron network to help get the word out!

Happy weekend, kittens! What has everyone got planned? We kicked off the weekend with dull old chores, but at least they’re out of the way so that we can enjoy the rest of the weekend unencumbered. I have a riding lesson tomorrow, then drinks with a group of old friends we haven’t seen for awhile. I am keeping my fingers crossed for a wholesome family outing to catch some excellent bands (The Bruises, Billy & Dolly, CORIN TUCKER) later that evening.

Sunday is, of course, Mother’s Day! We’re going to a nice brunch at a French restaurant I adore, and then we’ll head off to visit me mum. (We’re lucky she’s so close by, and so awesome.) My brother has pledged an epic BBQ feast and M is in charge of plying us with margaritas (my mom’s favorite), and we’re bringing dessert. The weather is supposed to be crummy, but it’s always nicer where she and my stepfather live, so we’ll hope for the best. My grandma will be there, too, so we’ll have three generations of motherhood to celebrate.

Sometimes I can’t believe I have a thirteen-year-old daughter, but the disbelief is quickly consumed by awe and gratitude. Awe that we’re such a dreamy little well-oiled family, even with the hiccups, and grateful for the loveliness, hilarity, and incredible strength we’re so blessed to share together.

Let’s chat about this outfit. These pants again! After our mini-heat wave, we awoke Friday morning to an overcast, dreary sky. Drats! I pulled on these Asos pants with one of my absolute FAVORITE new shirts from Pretty Penny in Oakland. It’s vintage, and I paired it with this darling black capelet from an antique shop in Auburn, CA. The hues in my glass beaded necklace were perfect, so with those, my little lion-hearted feather earrings, and these suede knotted wedges by B. Makowsky, I was all set to go.

One thing I really love about where we live is how green it is. It smells divine every single day (the same cannot be said for much of San Francisco proper, bless her heart). This woodsy little area is right beside the tennis courts, which we need to get moving on ASAP. (Sun, come back!)

I have a new motto, well, mantra really: Love, glitter and cuntiness.

May your weekends be full of all of the above!

xo,

FFAF

PS. I had a blast reading the following blog posts from this week, and so I thought I’d post them here in case you haven’t seen them yet – good stuff!

Effing Dykes Do(n’t) Drama
Get Yr Bra On at Autostraddle