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Dear readers, you’re in for a treat. I’m handing the blog-mic over to my dashing M, who will surely amuse you as much as, if not better than, I do. Enjoy!

Don’t let my awesome cowboy-ish outfit trick you into thinking it’s hot out here. IT IS NOT HOT. Every day for the past week, the cocktease sun will come in through our tiny tiny bedroom window and blind us while we’re trying to sleep, and all the heavy sunlight tricks us into putting on shorts or flip flops or cowboy shirts and lures us outside into the PHONY PHONY spring day. Bah! By then it’s too late to go back in and change, so here I am, acting like it’s all warm, but in reality, only 1/10 of my face was warm enough to justify this outfit.

We went on a mad shopping spree this weekend! Sometimes you wake up, not sure if you’re still drunk or not and you decide you really, really need new white underwear. Not a fleeting desire or idea, a NEED. I decided I was going to buy some white underwear. ‘Cept I’m not really known for buying a reasonable amount of anything. Not clothes, not booze, certainly not lemons! I need a whole truckload of a thing. I shit you not, I think I got about 30 new pairs of white underwear. You can’t see them in these pics, but I am wearing them! Of course, once we were in the store, the femme decided I absolutely needed this shirt — she’s already threatened sexual assault — and as you can see, the sunglasses also go quite nicely. After this photo shoot, I put on a giant christmas sweater.

Fuck you, SF sun!

I love my wife, guys. She makes me laugh. Wanna know something else? We totally sex-broke our – well, her – bespoke harness not last weekend, but the weekend before. It’s only been a year or so! Anyway, off we went first thing Saturday morning afternoon, in a homo ass panic to Mr. S (super NSFW) to see if there was anything they could do at the Sex Toy Hospital for M’s most beloved leather piece and lo! “This will just take us 15 minutes. We’ll be right back.” OMFG, I love them so, so much. Thanks to them, we only had to resort to the lowly commoner harness once. Well, a few times. But still. IT WAS REALLY A SCARY TIME FOR US, OKAY!?!

She also left out this very crucial part of our retail therapy binge on unmentionables:

Happy hump day, y’all! I am ever so slightly under the weather with a bit of a head cold, but otherwise life is just lovely. The sun came out again today and despite the fact that I can scarcely breathe, I decided it was midweek and FFAF needed some action. I’ve been living in this outfit, as it’s not too cold here lately, but it’s not warm by any means, either. This is a nice balance because it’s super comfortable, and a great excuse to rock some color, too. I’ll admit I’d hardly given Spring a second thought until yesterday and all the Groundhog Day activity! The internets, they do not let you forget. My head is far too stuffed to continue on in any meaningful way, so let’s make a list of shows I’m obsessed with at present:

1. LOST, because it’s bananas:

2. The Tudors really needs to hurry up and get back on the air already. Sex, violence, religion, politics, corsets. Need I say more?

3. The Pacific, which is a new miniseries coming to HBO this March, a sort of complement to Band Of Brothers, which I really, really loved and always watch whenever it’s on. I need to own it. Maybe they’ll create an amazing box set with both series after The Pacific premieres.

4. Big Love is the show I want to be addicted to, but I’m not quite there yet. It’s in the queue! M & I watched an episode or two awhile back and were pretty ambivalent about it, but have since been convinced by friends that we need to start from the beginning and give it some time. (This better not be like True Blood, y’all!)

5. Last but not least, Grey’s Anatomy. This one is all my BFF’s fault. I’ve mocked her incessantly for years about this show. I’ve spent countless Friday mornings rolling my eyes over coffee while she went on and on about Izzy this, McDreamy that and last season, we somehow got sucked in. Unbelievable. Now we have the video game. Yang, of course, is our favorite, and now I know exactly what the BFF means when she says, “You’re my person.”

CONFESSION: What a doozy of a weekend. The week prior? So-so. Taking tentative steps after my brink-of-death sickness and whatnot. I did manage to accomplish the following, I am happy to say:

• Making a delicious dish of scalloped potatoes from scratch
• Horseback riding in some semi-regular capacity on the cheap (I tried, got shot down – but I tried!)
• Finishing a re-read of Ayn Rand’s Anthem, which started in the tub last night
• Forgave myself for getting rid of an ashy purple velvet blazer and an asymmetrical dresses years ago

Back to the weekend! The lovely Kelly Alice (a dear friend) came to visit from back East, and we enjoyed fantastic conversation over breakfast, freshly baked Pithivier from Trader Joe’s with Peerless coffee, followed by noontime French 75s (with a few drops of rosewater, so lovely). KA was sort of shocked that I’d never really flat-ironed my hair before, so she busted hers out  – some fancy Solia model we heated right up to 450°F – and went to town on my glossy locks. It was amazing! We headed to Mango (an awesome lesbian tea dance on a lush patio featuring salsa and hip-hop with free BBQ) all dolled up with the tomboy on our arm and had a fantastic time.

Afterward, we took her to one of our favorite Mission restaurants and then, of course, to the obligatory stop at SF’s Lexington Club, the city’s only 24/7 lesbian bar. It’s a great dive with a super rad jukebox. (Note: The bartenders overrode my Patsy Cline pick, which pissed me off.) M & I danced, not that anyone else did (as per usual). Someone wanted to know what kind of shampoo I use. It was a great night!

Yesterday, we popped up to my mom’s house for a birthday party and had a lovely evening where dozens of family secrets were aired out in hilarious and hilariously tragic circumstances, and I had a beef bourguignon that changed my life. Alas, after a screwy Monday, I’m ready to get back to weekend shenanigans! Surely I’m not alone. XO!

PS. My kitten! The black one with the little white boots. She loves me so so so so so so so so much. She’s suicidal for me, even. M had to chase her back home because she tried to follow us into the street! When I come walking down the street, she comes bounding toward me out of nowhere to greet me and purr and rub against my legs. So precious. I love her so. She brought a friend over and they came into the house and miraculously, neither dog bit their heads off!

PPS. Drool.

CONFESSION: Y’all missed Conor, and thus I am delivering said Conor on this gorgeous Friday. You’re welcome. This week has been crazy busy! M started playing with an awesome new softball team, my dear friend is visiting from NY and we’ve visited Golden Gate Park, Baker Beach, a fancy tea shoppe in outer Richmond, have trekked the Mission and tonight we’ll hop onto a double-decker bus at twilight (as in time of day, not the unfortunate vampire series) to take a silly, breezy, sit-down tour of SF.

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CONFESSION: Well, kittens, the weekend is winding to a close. It was a doozy! We restocked the bar at home and hunted for antiques and thrift store finds on Friday night. Saturday morning we tidied up for a nice, mellow Welcome Back visit for a dear friend, who just returned from her two-month long visit back home in Turkmenistan. She brought me back a beautiful bag, repurposed from the gorgeous material of a traditional bridal headress – will feature in a new FFAF ASAP! Sadly, during the visit a nasty migraine came on quite suddenly, but I fought it back with insanely spicy Indian food (a total first and kind of amazing). Later in the evening, M & I headed to the DNA Lounge for New Wave City in these outfits! It was the Duran Duran tribute and so, so much fun. A little too fun, in fact, so M & I spent the entire delicious day in bed, giggling and watching HGTV and taking naps. WHY DID I NOT KNOW THAT HGTV IS SO FASCINATING AND AWESOME TO WATCH!? Speaking of hella gay…

This antique table? See how pretty and awesome it is? The top is all junked up, so we got it for $50. Totally freaking hot. We’re going to sand it down and give it a nice, light wash and perhaps get in touch with the amazing artist that painted the Victorian Alice In Wonderland chairs to see if she’ll paint the tabletop with a tea party scene, because that would be, of course, perfect. I also got the really cool idea to take these three smaller photo frame collages and hang them in a grouping, inside of the antique frame that we picked up a year ago at the Laney flea. Since we took all of those silly, romantical photos carrying the frame together the day we were married last year, I thought it would be very dreamy to mix those photos with some others from our wedding. There you have it! The “nook of love”. Who wants to come over for a cup of tea?

CONFESSION: It’s been too long! Two weeks and then some too long, to be specific. You know what happened? The fog rolled in, bringing with it a traditionally chilly SF summer, sending my preexisting  nesting state into a disoriented cocoon of warmth and quiet and respite. (Translation: I wore a lot of jeans and hoodies. I spent a lot of time searching for the perfect down comforter – Calvin Klein, for the record – to stop the chattering of my teeth in bed at night and so that we snuggle each other out of free will like we used to, instead of clinging together desperately just for warmth. I fussed with all of the bottles and things at my new vanity and begged the Gods for motivation to put my curlers in. When no motivation came, I watched Season 2 of Grey’s Anatomy.) I hope y’all forgive me and that we can all just MOVE ON from this terrible, awful stagnation.

So, the vanity! Isn’t it darling? I really am in love it. It brings me tremendous joy and pride to sit on my little padded bench, with everything so easy to get to, and with it so prettily displayed, it’s a highly effective way to stop wanting to buy every last shiny new cosmetic I see out and about. (This principle is the same reason I had the beast and have the new mini-beast for my shoes and bags.) Plus, it’s very fancy. This is a little sneak peek at my side of the bedroom, but M & I are still working on it, so you’ll see more very soon.

I’ll also be sharing the kitchen and dining next, followed by the living and sun rooms. We are so, so close to being done and able to just be in our space and enjoy it without that little nudge to tinker with things until they are just so. It’s so wonderful when life is just so, and I’m closer than ever.

Fill me in on your goings-on in the comments! What have I missed!?