Dear readers, you’re in for a treat. I’m handing the blog-mic over to my dashing M, who will surely amuse you as much as, if not better than, I do. Enjoy!

Don’t let my awesome cowboy-ish outfit trick you into thinking it’s hot out here. IT IS NOT HOT. Every day for the past week, the cocktease sun will come in through our tiny tiny bedroom window and blind us while we’re trying to sleep, and all the heavy sunlight tricks us into putting on shorts or flip flops or cowboy shirts and lures us outside into the PHONY PHONY spring day. Bah! By then it’s too late to go back in and change, so here I am, acting like it’s all warm, but in reality, only 1/10 of my face was warm enough to justify this outfit.

We went on a mad shopping spree this weekend! Sometimes you wake up, not sure if you’re still drunk or not and you decide you really, really need new white underwear. Not a fleeting desire or idea, a NEED. I decided I was going to buy some white underwear. ‘Cept I’m not really known for buying a reasonable amount of anything. Not clothes, not booze, certainly not lemons! I need a whole truckload of a thing. I shit you not, I think I got about 30 new pairs of white underwear. You can’t see them in these pics, but I am wearing them! Of course, once we were in the store, the femme decided I absolutely needed this shirt — she’s already threatened sexual assault — and as you can see, the sunglasses also go quite nicely. After this photo shoot, I put on a giant christmas sweater.

Fuck you, SF sun!

I love my wife, guys. She makes me laugh. Wanna know something else? We totally sex-broke our – well, her – bespoke harness not last weekend, but the weekend before. It’s only been a year or so! Anyway, off we went first thing Saturday morning afternoon, in a homo ass panic to Mr. S (super NSFW) to see if there was anything they could do at the Sex Toy Hospital for M’s most beloved leather piece and lo! “This will just take us 15 minutes. We’ll be right back.” OMFG, I love them so, so much. Thanks to them, we only had to resort to the lowly commoner harness once. Well, a few times. But still. IT WAS REALLY A SCARY TIME FOR US, OKAY!?!

She also left out this very crucial part of our retail therapy binge on unmentionables:

Happy hump day, y’all! I am ever so slightly under the weather with a bit of a head cold, but otherwise life is just lovely. The sun came out again today and despite the fact that I can scarcely breathe, I decided it was midweek and FFAF needed some action. I’ve been living in this outfit, as it’s not too cold here lately, but it’s not warm by any means, either. This is a nice balance because it’s super comfortable, and a great excuse to rock some color, too. I’ll admit I’d hardly given Spring a second thought until yesterday and all the Groundhog Day activity! The internets, they do not let you forget. My head is far too stuffed to continue on in any meaningful way, so let’s make a list of shows I’m obsessed with at present:

1. LOST, because it’s bananas:

2. The Tudors really needs to hurry up and get back on the air already. Sex, violence, religion, politics, corsets. Need I say more?

3. The Pacific, which is a new miniseries coming to HBO this March, a sort of complement to Band Of Brothers, which I really, really loved and always watch whenever it’s on. I need to own it. Maybe they’ll create an amazing box set with both series after The Pacific premieres.

4. Big Love is the show I want to be addicted to, but I’m not quite there yet. It’s in the queue! M & I watched an episode or two awhile back and were pretty ambivalent about it, but have since been convinced by friends that we need to start from the beginning and give it some time. (This better not be like True Blood, y’all!)

5. Last but not least, Grey’s Anatomy. This one is all my BFF’s fault. I’ve mocked her incessantly for years about this show. I’ve spent countless Friday mornings rolling my eyes over coffee while she went on and on about Izzy this, McDreamy that and last season, we somehow got sucked in. Unbelievable. Now we have the video game. Yang, of course, is our favorite, and now I know exactly what the BFF means when she says, “You’re my person.”

CONFESSION: What a doozy of a weekend. The week prior? So-so. Taking tentative steps after my brink-of-death sickness and whatnot. I did manage to accomplish the following, I am happy to say:

• Making a delicious dish of scalloped potatoes from scratch
• Horseback riding in some semi-regular capacity on the cheap (I tried, got shot down – but I tried!)
• Finishing a re-read of Ayn Rand’s Anthem, which started in the tub last night
• Forgave myself for getting rid of an ashy purple velvet blazer and an asymmetrical dresses years ago

Back to the weekend! The lovely Kelly Alice (a dear friend) came to visit from back East, and we enjoyed fantastic conversation over breakfast, freshly baked Pithivier from Trader Joe’s with Peerless coffee, followed by noontime French 75s (with a few drops of rosewater, so lovely). KA was sort of shocked that I’d never really flat-ironed my hair before, so she busted hers out  – some fancy Solia model we heated right up to 450°F – and went to town on my glossy locks. It was amazing! We headed to Mango (an awesome lesbian tea dance on a lush patio featuring salsa and hip-hop with free BBQ) all dolled up with the tomboy on our arm and had a fantastic time.

Afterward, we took her to one of our favorite Mission restaurants and then, of course, to the obligatory stop at SF’s Lexington Club, the city’s only 24/7 lesbian bar. It’s a great dive with a super rad jukebox. (Note: The bartenders overrode my Patsy Cline pick, which pissed me off.) M & I danced, not that anyone else did (as per usual). Someone wanted to know what kind of shampoo I use. It was a great night!

Yesterday, we popped up to my mom’s house for a birthday party and had a lovely evening where dozens of family secrets were aired out in hilarious and hilariously tragic circumstances, and I had a beef bourguignon that changed my life. Alas, after a screwy Monday, I’m ready to get back to weekend shenanigans! Surely I’m not alone. XO!

PS. My kitten! The black one with the little white boots. She loves me so so so so so so so so much. She’s suicidal for me, even. M had to chase her back home because she tried to follow us into the street! When I come walking down the street, she comes bounding toward me out of nowhere to greet me and purr and rub against my legs. So precious. I love her so. She brought a friend over and they came into the house and miraculously, neither dog bit their heads off!

PPS. Drool.

CONFESSION: Y’all missed Conor, and thus I am delivering said Conor on this gorgeous Friday. You’re welcome. This week has been crazy busy! M started playing with an awesome new softball team, my dear friend is visiting from NY and we’ve visited Golden Gate Park, Baker Beach, a fancy tea shoppe in outer Richmond, have trekked the Mission and tonight we’ll hop onto a double-decker bus at twilight (as in time of day, not the unfortunate vampire series) to take a silly, breezy, sit-down tour of SF.

Bars visited? Elixir (outstanding drinks but very crowded), Uptown, Gestalt (points for having Sophia, but no actual liquor…) and the clear winner of the night, Delirium. I got to dance to Brazilian Girls, which pleased me immensely. M shoved some creepshow against a wall whilst defending a friend’s honor. We scored nearly 200,000 points playing Erotic Photo Hunt!

DO YOU KNOW WHAT’S SHOCKING?!

You can sail around on the bay any old time you feel like it on a 55′ catamaran for $30! Amazing.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a date with a bridge. Happy weekend, kittens!

CONFESSION: Well, kittens, the weekend is winding to a close. It was a doozy! We restocked the bar at home and hunted for antiques and thrift store finds on Friday night. Saturday morning we tidied up for a nice, mellow Welcome Back visit for a dear friend, who just returned from her two-month long visit back home in Turkmenistan. She brought me back a beautiful bag, repurposed from the gorgeous material of a traditional bridal headress – will feature in a new FFAF ASAP! Sadly, during the visit a nasty migraine came on quite suddenly, but I fought it back with insanely spicy Indian food (a total first and kind of amazing). Later in the evening, M & I headed to the DNA Lounge for New Wave City in these outfits! It was the Duran Duran tribute and so, so much fun. A little too fun, in fact, so M & I spent the entire delicious day in bed, giggling and watching HGTV and taking naps. WHY DID I NOT KNOW THAT HGTV IS SO FASCINATING AND AWESOME TO WATCH!? Speaking of hella gay…

This antique table? See how pretty and awesome it is? The top is all junked up, so we got it for $50. Totally freaking hot. We’re going to sand it down and give it a nice, light wash and perhaps get in touch with the amazing artist that painted the Victorian Alice In Wonderland chairs to see if she’ll paint the tabletop with a tea party scene, because that would be, of course, perfect. I also got the really cool idea to take these three smaller photo frame collages and hang them in a grouping, inside of the antique frame that we picked up a year ago at the Laney flea. Since we took all of those silly, romantical photos carrying the frame together the day we were married last year, I thought it would be very dreamy to mix those photos with some others from our wedding. There you have it! The “nook of love”. Who wants to come over for a cup of tea?

CONFESSION: It’s been too long! Two weeks and then some too long, to be specific. You know what happened? The fog rolled in, bringing with it a traditionally chilly SF summer, sending my preexisting  nesting state into a disoriented cocoon of warmth and quiet and respite. (Translation: I wore a lot of jeans and hoodies. I spent a lot of time searching for the perfect down comforter – Calvin Klein, for the record – to stop the chattering of my teeth in bed at night and so that we snuggle each other out of free will like we used to, instead of clinging together desperately just for warmth. I fussed with all of the bottles and things at my new vanity and begged the Gods for motivation to put my curlers in. When no motivation came, I watched Season 2 of Grey’s Anatomy.) I hope y’all forgive me and that we can all just MOVE ON from this terrible, awful stagnation.

So, the vanity! Isn’t it darling? I really am in love it. It brings me tremendous joy and pride to sit on my little padded bench, with everything so easy to get to, and with it so prettily displayed, it’s a highly effective way to stop wanting to buy every last shiny new cosmetic I see out and about. (This principle is the same reason I had the beast and have the new mini-beast for my shoes and bags.) Plus, it’s very fancy. This is a little sneak peek at my side of the bedroom, but M & I are still working on it, so you’ll see more very soon.

I’ll also be sharing the kitchen and dining next, followed by the living and sun rooms. We are so, so close to being done and able to just be in our space and enjoy it without that little nudge to tinker with things until they are just so. It’s so wonderful when life is just so, and I’m closer than ever.

Fill me in on your goings-on in the comments! What have I missed!?

Femme Confession: Lord have mercy, what a weekend. After my last blog post on Friday night, I:

• Threw a hissyfit on the internets because no one would go with me to Meet In The Middle in Fresno; felt better after I saw that a National March For Equality is planned for October in Washington, DC, felt better after I received a fantastic thank you email from Michael Rowe himself, felt better after a dear friend was inspired to write an article after reading my blog.
• Went on another fabulous SF date with the tomboy on Saturday night – drinks and pool at El Rio for the SF Dyke March benefit (the new design is so great!), followed by a stop at Luka’s in Oakland for wondrous dinner of seared halibut and lamb chops drowning in the most amazing gravy the consistency of broth atop a pillow of mashed potatoes, with their signature chocolate fondant to-go!
• Found a pair of ancient prescription contacts in the earthquake kit, put them in, suffered through wear for appx. 4-6 hours despite the fact that they felt sort of like having an itchy sweater ON YOUR EYES, took them out. Riveting stuff, I know.
• Met with friends for a Bon Voyage brunch at T-Rex in Berkeley before one of them is off to Turkmenistan for two whole months (want to eat their petite beignets every day for ever and ever, amen). Conned my girls into seeing a matinee of Star Trek, which was surprisingly fantastic. I am not at all a Star Trek fan, but really enjoyed all of the awesome space explosions and black holes and terrible monsters and shit.

Tomboy Confession: Today I learned that Spock is a fucking badass and I have Skinny to thank! I want to watch all the episodes ever made of Star Trek. YES! I hope he beats up a lot of loudmouths then goes back to being quiet and creepy! I told Skinny I am going to cut my hair like him, and now she’s so scared!*

*Hi, this is Skinny. I assure you that there will be NO photographs of M with atrocious Spock hair INCLUDING the Betty Paige bangs because that would be wrongful and also grounds for divorce. Such as.

Tomboy What: RVCA jeans (x-mas gift!), black t-shirt from the Gap, gray wool coat from Zara for Men, with custom-made, DIY champagne bottle cap buttons. Black belt-with-holes from H&M, sunglasses by Spy Optic bought in Old San Juan (sniff) and black Kenneth Cole boots.

Tomboy Scent: That dandy one Skinny suggested I try. It smells like guys who wear bad rayon shirts, drive shitty cars and secretly spy on their girlfriends by following them to and from work. It smells like a clingy, insecure person. Repulsive.

Tomboy Confession: I really do slather almost all of my food in lime or lemon juice, as mentioned in the previous post (in the comments, natch - FFAF). We had a senior citizen’s dinner at 4pm tonight at Regalito. I ordered the Regalito chicken and guess what? It already comes slathered in lime!! I feel supported in my madness.

Femme What: Black dress by Laundry by Shelli Segal, cotton cardigan in a nice oatmeal color by Kersh Essentials, peacock tights from modcloth.com. Black leather bag from Betsey Johnson, yellow rainbow scarf from Peru by way of a surf ‘n skate shop in Bodega Bay and brown leather and suede lace-up peep-toe oxfords by Elie Tahari.

Femme Confession: Despite a bit of galivanting in SF today, I’m still fighting the last wee traces of a cold off. A cough here, sniffle there…the lingering just obnoxious enough to keep me from feeling 100% again. It was such a crispy, clear and beautiful day. We made a very pleasant trip to Mr. & Madame S in SOMA, followed by a ruined attempt to eat at The Slanted Door in the Ferry Building (only their lounge was open) but ended up having a delicious meal at Regalito, followed by a drink (I tried a Jameson & ginger for the first time – amazing!) and several awesome rounds of Spot The Difference Erotic Babes with M at The Lex, SF’s only 24-7 lesbian bar.

I HAD NO IDEA THAT YOU COULD PLAY SPOT THE DIFFERENCE ONLINE, ZOMFG & PLS. TO EXCUSE ME:

Here’s the thing, kittens. There will always be those who see life and those living it in a more black & white fashion, and then there are those who innately grasp at the grays and gradations. That’s important to remember before walking across the plains of anyone’s identity – we never know where potential landmines are buried until, well, until we know.

And, really, let’s face it – it’s not worth running your Yves Saint Laurent Volume Effet Faux Cils over, you know? So, please donate to the fight against Prop. 8 right now. Seriously. Your friends and lovers out here in California are fucking DAYS away from being stripped of their rights by a bunch of ignorant, fear-mongering bigots with deep pockets. Those fuckers just raised $3M. It’s insane.

DO NOT WANT.

HRC and EQCA and everybody else (the good guys) are trying to raise $3M to counter it by Friday night. Peep the Ugly Betty cast ad against Prop 8, then share it like crazy with everyone you know:

The Harvey Milk movie (starring Sean Penn) premiered in SF’s Castro last night (dude hotties abound in these pics, so have at it, all you peen-loving ladies).

Some POS motherfucker beat a gay with his YES ON PROP 8 sign whilst spitting out homophobic slurs in Torrance, CA.

Senator Dianne Feinstein has put out an ad urging Californians to vote No on Prop. 8, too:

Of course, the folks behind Prop. 8 are exploiting children to back their vile, hateful arguments. You may or may not have heard that some adorable (and deliriously happy) SF schoolchildren went on a field trip to see their lesbian teacher get married at City Hall in SF not long ago. Not only did Prop. 8 supporters stoop to terrible lows by attacking this otherwise wonderful and memorable learning experience to garner support, they went even lower by using video of the kids in their ads.

From the article:

In their letter to the Prop 8 campaign, the parents wrote: “We are absolutely outraged that you have chosen, without permission, to shamelessly hijack the images of our innocent children to promote a cause that we in no way, shape or form support. It is even more maddening that you have willfully and calculatingly edited the images of our children, with menacing music in the background, in a way that is completely contrary to their nature and harmful to them.”

Here’s a video about that (not the one w/ kids, I am NOT re-posting that awful shit):

Y’all? I am seriously, seriously, seriously freaking out and getting more tense and anxious with each passing day. I keep donating money I can’t really afford to donate to fight this shit. I have the feeling I will be spending lots of time at the field office downtown phone banking and stuff this weekend.

IF YOU LIVE IN CALIFORNIA, PLS. MAKE TIME TO VOLUNTEER AT A FIELD OFFICE NEAR YOU.

IF YOU CANNOT DONATE, AT LEAST CONSIDER SPREADING THE WORD.

Here is the list and contact info – if you don’t see anything near you or are having trouble, let me know and I’ll try and put you in touch with someone: