Welcome to Roosevelt State Beach, sometimes also known as Naples Beach, just down the way from Princeton-by-the-Sea and the rather famous Mavericks. We are very fond of it due to the fact that it has a long stretch of beautiful dunes without the hikes required at Fort Funston and Devil’s Slide. On a sunny Wednesday afternoon, there was hardly another soul around. Isn’t it lovely?

We’re clearly still experiencing rather warm days even as New York City and Boston have flung themselves headlong into winter. (I’d mention Denver, but it’s always the Wild West over there, as far as weather’s concerned.) I’ve been dying to wear this H&M L.O.G.G. scarf since I bought it. It’s enormous and comprised entirely of toasty autumn shades, and it was just the thing to keep from getting chilly as the wind picked up and the waves soaked my jeans up to the knees!

We found so many perfect sand dollars and pretty shells. Not a single live crab, but there were dozens of carcasses that M fished out of the water with her bare hands. (Gross!) The heart-print blouse with a cheeky Peter Pan collar is also from H&M, but the waffle cardigan is from Hyden Yoo, a small menswear designer (who actually just last year launched a women’s line, too) based in New York. I found it at Gilt and fell in love with it, so I got it even though it’s made for the boys.

M snapped these and did a terrific job. She was very bossy, demanding that I make the scarf “as big as possible, flail it in the wind” which of course just cracked me up. Can you see the bits of hay in my hair? Well, we’d just been to the pumpkin patches where we had a little hay ride, and M tossed a handful into my ‘do. (I guess it was my fault, I’d complained that a photo we’d taken didn’t look like we were on a hay ride at all, and then you can guess what happened…)

Denim: James Jeans
Cardigan: Hyden Yoo
Top, Scarf: H&M, H&M L.O.G.G.
Cuffed Ankle Boots: Nine West
Necklace: Spoiled boutique in Oakland
Sunglasses: Ray-Ban
Earrings: House of Harlow
Gold Bracelet: Lori’s Shoes

What’s everyone got planned for the weekend? M & I are off to a romantic dinner at Elizabeth Falkner’s Orson tonight, as it’s closing its doors on their restaurant to move it into the next phase as a private events space. I wonder if the mood will be one that’s bittersweet, or business as usual!

We’re also hoping to ride some horses sometime this weekend with all this glorious weather. Giddyup!

Hope everyone has a happy and safe Halloween weekend! The petite is dressing up as a referee, and her friends are all going to be football players, which is kind of adorable (especially for thirteen-year-old girls). I am still trying to sell M on dressing up as Popeye and Olive Oyl – I think as long as I get her a fancy pipe, she’s in!

I cannot even begin to express how pleased I was to discover that this gorgeous green corner of our garden was a trellised canopy of pink jasmine. Aside from lilac and lavender, it’s so one of my very favorites. It reminds me of Oakland, of being young and dumb and throwing myself into myself with a force I now find mildly alarming, in retrospect. If my 20s had a little animated book you flipped through to see a tiny film full of gorgeous, wretched chaos careening into the arms of unyielding perfection, the smell of pink jasmine would writhe up headily from the pages.

I’ve been known to tear a small bunch of jasmine away and toss it onto the dash of my car. The more the sun breaks it down and disseminates it through the stale of my car, the better. It beats the hell out of some scented whatever-the-heck you can buy at a gas station! In somewhat related news, all of the houseplants that were scarcely hanging on at our old SF flat are now thriving, and some are barely recognizable they’ve flourished so much.

Today was a 50-50, half grey and half silvery sunshine. Last night I shocked the entire lesbian nation of SF by appearing at a social event on a weeknight sans tomboy (13 Licks at Q Bar in the Castro, to be exact), so despite the fact that I was back in bed before 1AM, I wanted to take it easy this morning.

Jeans, a striped cotton pullover and heels seemed low-key enough, especially when pulled together with oversize, lacy pearls and a blazer. The top knot was a no-brainer, et voilà!

I’d never been to this particular bar on this particular night (though I’ve been there plenty when it was called other things and hosted other nights – lesbian nightlife is very complex, yo, especially in the context of cross-longevity and whatnot), so I chose an outfit (not pictured) which I considered to be “playing it safe.” Leather panel skirt, lacy black bra, MAJORLY lacy + sequin vintage blouse. It was raining, so I paired it with sheerish black tights and my new Aldo boots, and plunked a big floral chiffon bow over my ponytail.

I was repeatedly told that I was fancy, and my companion for the night insisted on buying me a drink on account of my necklace that says femme. (Totally unintentional side effect, that bit.) I got to meet some FB friends IRL for the first time, which is always fun and delightfully awkward and kind of nerdy, right? But so good, and definitely cute. Plus, they played Adele.

Anyway, I will wear it again sometime and post it here for you, sweet readers. Yes.

THESE VINTAGE FAUX-BAMBOO SUNGLASSES.

Aren’t they nifty? God, I’m glad we stopped in Auburn on our way up to Tahoe last weekend. I scored not only these shades, but a lambswool capelet and the above-mentioned ivory sequin + lace blouse. Someone started sending us Latina Magazine, so I was reading it on the drive and saw these amazing hoop earrings by Lauren G. Adams. I usually stay away from hoops, especially HUGE ones, but I fell so deeply and immediately in love with these that I scanned them with my smart phone RIGHT FROM THE PAGES OF THE MAGAZINE and bought them whilst sailing 80mph up HWY 5, y’all.

F I E R C E.

Jeans: James Preserved Denim
Striped Shirt: Kersh Essentials
Blazer: Banana Republic
Blue Patent Pumps: BCBG
Pearls: Spoiled! (Oakland)
Sunglasses: Vintage (Sisters, Auburn)
Bag: Co-Lab by Christopher Kon
Foxtail: Dollywood

PS. ZOMG, my Zoya “Intimate” Spring Collection arrived today! Of course, I put Gemma on right away – it’s described as a “light muted olive green with an overlay of blue and violet duochrome shimmer.” It’s extra-festive for St. Patty’s Day!

PPS. Special announcement: Fit For A Femme is super excited to be part of this rad photo show with Lesbians in SF, debuting at the one and only Lexington Club for SF Pride 2011! Here’s the flyer for a sneak peek and to learn more about the show. (Don’t forget to “Like” LISF on Facebook and check out their excellent Tumblr, and if you’re local or will be in town for Pride, mark your calendars for the show dates!) It’s going to be outstanding.

More San Francisco alley murals. More flat boots (the dog went and re-busted up my ankle fixin’ to fight some other dog on Monday night, just when I thought I was all healed up). MORE COVERT LESBIAN SMIRKING, courtesy of dear old Judge Walker’s incredible decision in the now very well known Proposition H8 trial. I thoroughly enjoy history being made in an irresistible hotbed of sexy, compelling, riveting logic, rationale, and sanity. It moves me.

I had the honor and privilege of being at the (not-nearly-as-open-to-the-public-as-I-thought) press conference that was held in the Banking Hall of the historic Bently Reserve in San Francisco yesterday, immediately following the announcement of the decision. The plaintiffs were there and spoke with eloquent emotion about how deeply grateful they were to the court, the legal team, their families and friends and colleagues, and of course, to one another for enduring the hell and glory of this battle for marriage equality. It wasn’t until Ted Olson took the podium, however, that I really began to get emotional. That man has a splendid command of words and speech, backed by a tremendous amount of authenticity.

It was out of this world to be in the presence of all of them, a wonderfully brave group of people who will live on forever as heroes to our community! If you haven’t already read or heard or watched what they all had to say at the press conference, you can catch some of it here.

Let us discuss this dress. I really love it. I bought it without even trying it on. The silk is beautifully lined but unforgiving, the kind that clips your natural stride by a quarter or perhaps even a third. I kind of like it, but saying so will probably make M call me a big old masochist. (I’m not, honest.) It looks a bit strange without the belt, but who cares? I have a belt! I’ve worn it dancing (with very sheer black hosiery instead of the thick leggings you see here), I’ve worn it to dinner, it’s one of my favorite finds of the year so far.

Dress: Castle Starr
Belt: H&M
Boots: Lamica
Tiny Hungarian Purse: Vintage
Necklace: Spoiled!

Good evening to all. I’ve been a bit MIA due to time constraints, exhaustion and a jam-packed social calendar. Since I last posted, I’ve partied at Lush and a luxe lesbian party with dear friends, cried my face off at the Stars show, done quite a fair amount of shopping and fetched the dry cleaning, welcomed a Canadian tomboy to the San Francisco Bay Area, started a new job, celebrated Father’s Day with M and the family out of town, finished reading one book and started another.

Additionally, my new schedule is thoroughly kicking my ass, despite being tremendously worth it in absolutely every possible way. My nightly sleep has been reduced by at least one-fourth and no amount of caffeine seems to do the trick. (Plus, if anyone knows of a reputable threader in the Embarcadero or Financial districts of San Francisco, for the love of God share her with me. I scarcely have time to pick up my new order of contact lenses and new checks from the bank, let alone tend to my poor, poor eyebrows.)

Finally, M’s birthday is this Friday, so we’ve got some serious celebrating to do. Starting tomorrow night. Without our pants on, of course.

2010: NO PANTS!

Blouse: Calvin Klein
Slacks: Express Design Studio
Wingtip Pumps: Franco Sarto
Oversized Lace + Pearl Necklace: Spoiled! Boutique (Oakland)

This outfit is a stark departure from last Friday night’s black and tan (like the milkshake!) bandage dress by Bebe, but more on that later.

Bonjour! It’s been awhile! We were very busy touring the tomboy’s niece around San Francisco over the weekend, and with exciting new goings-on, to be announced shortly.

Japantown in the rain!
Shopping at Bloomingdale’s downtown!
Introducing the young one to Thai food and soju cocktails for the very first time!
A gorgeous, light-filled break in the rain at one of the city’s prettiest, best kept secret vistas!
Hanging out with glamorous lesbians (and some much less glamorous) at a new girl party in SF’s Mission District!
Cocktails with chocolate pot de creme and an insanely good sheep’s milk cheese plate with fig cakes and walnut bread in Hayes Valley!

And that was only Friday! Phew!

Saturday was filled with shenanigans in the Castro and the obligatory drive up to Twin Peaks (since the skies had cleared but left a mean chill in the air), then onto Ocean Beach through Golden Gate Park’s incredible tulip gardens next to the old windmill, and a tour of the Presidio topped with an incredible Central-South American tapas dinner where the Mission meets Market Street.

Sunday brought a mellower pace, with walkabouts through North Beach on a gloriously sunny day for a late lunch, and through the Mission for the murals and, of course, Secret Breakfast ice cream.

Nouvelle Vague’s cover of Dancing With Myself came on while M snapped all these pictures, so I’ll play it here for you in case you haven’t seen it yet (for it is highly watchable and will make you feel like dancing or smoking or both!):

I love my city!

Praise Dolly! The sun came out in a glorious way today! Not in that wintry, deceptive, incapable-of-penetrating-the-chill way, but in an honest-to-God Springtime sort of way. It was lovely. To be completely honest, I’ve been wearing this dress around the house like a muumuu or house dress, or a hearty old slip, so when it was time to put on proper clothes, I just tossed on the leggings and jacket and scooped my hair into a ponytail. Voila! It felt sinful and fantastic.

When we stepped out onto our little street to take these photos (M is really coming into her own as a style photographer), the kittens were out, the trees were green, bumblebees buzzed, I sipped my whiskey sour and reapplied my very red Besame lipstick with very red nails. Spring and I went at it hot and heavy. Alas, I fear the cold will come and go until it warms back up in earnest, but that’s OK. Today was wonderful.

So, spit it out! What are your big Valentine’s Day plans? We’re going to be lazy bears until the early evening, with small bites and cocktails at Annabelle’s and then to a “Share The Love” party being thrown by a friend of hers and her loverbird. It should be dreamy!

Of course, FFAF wouldn’t even be worth if not for y’all, so here’s a big wet lipstick-y femme kiss from me to you! XO!

Happy hump day, y’all! I am ever so slightly under the weather with a bit of a head cold, but otherwise life is just lovely. The sun came out again today and despite the fact that I can scarcely breathe, I decided it was midweek and FFAF needed some action. I’ve been living in this outfit, as it’s not too cold here lately, but it’s not warm by any means, either. This is a nice balance because it’s super comfortable, and a great excuse to rock some color, too. I’ll admit I’d hardly given Spring a second thought until yesterday and all the Groundhog Day activity! The internets, they do not let you forget. My head is far too stuffed to continue on in any meaningful way, so let’s make a list of shows I’m obsessed with at present:

1. LOST, because it’s bananas:

2. The Tudors really needs to hurry up and get back on the air already. Sex, violence, religion, politics, corsets. Need I say more?

3. The Pacific, which is a new miniseries coming to HBO this March, a sort of complement to Band Of Brothers, which I really, really loved and always watch whenever it’s on. I need to own it. Maybe they’ll create an amazing box set with both series after The Pacific premieres.

4. Big Love is the show I want to be addicted to, but I’m not quite there yet. It’s in the queue! M & I watched an episode or two awhile back and were pretty ambivalent about it, but have since been convinced by friends that we need to start from the beginning and give it some time. (This better not be like True Blood, y’all!)

5. Last but not least, Grey’s Anatomy. This one is all my BFF’s fault. I’ve mocked her incessantly for years about this show. I’ve spent countless Friday mornings rolling my eyes over coffee while she went on and on about Izzy this, McDreamy that and last season, we somehow got sucked in. Unbelievable. Now we have the video game. Yang, of course, is our favorite, and now I know exactly what the BFF means when she says, “You’re my person.”

CONFESSION | FEMME: I’ve got a neat little story about this dress. My dear friend, Trixie from Toronto, sent me a bunch of links to vintage dresses on ebay.com that she felt might suit me. I loved how serious and plaid this was (a dark sage green with black checks), the fact that it came with an adorable matching bolero and belt (to be pictured next time). It was only when I first put it on that I realized the fit was perfect! Trixie, it seems, has a real knack for this. Sizing a gal up and sizing a dress up and saying with certainty: This one. You need it. Get it. GET IT! A few things about tonight’s trip to Bourbon & Branch: I may or may not have been allowed behind the bar to mix things up a little. I may or may not have sampled at least a dozen odd cocktails in a two-hour length of time. I may or may not be in love! You’ll see when I post my favorites, because you will 100% absolutely want to try them.

CONFESSION | TOMBOY: I hate SF so much right now! $2K for an apartment with a bathroom smaller than our current liquor cabinet! WTF? The fog is making everyone demented in the city. 15-minute open houses! Yes, let me just drop everything, schlep during the busiest possible traffic hours to come see your miniature toilet! Fucking Polly Pocket couldn’t live there! Gah! (You do realize that B is just going to exploit this for her own gain, right? – SBJ)

Confession: The bad news early this week, combined with needing a vacation from my Memorial Day holiday weekend minibreak made for a pretty quick and painful week. I’ve been devouring articles on the Prop. 8 fallout, working like mad and oscillating between feeling angry and despairing or feeling all the more empowered and inspired to do something about marriage equality.

More specifically, I am really angry that ALL of the LGBT content on barackobama.com and whitehouse.gov has been taken down or revised into something managing to be hyper-condensed and watered down at the same time. I agree with everything that is said here, in an open letter to President Obama written by L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center’s Chief Executive Officer Lorri L. Jean. My favorite excerpt, though of course I encourage you to open and read ALL of these links when you have time:

We know the country faces many serious challenges and we have strived to be patient. We’ve waited for the slightest sign you would live up to your promise to be a “fierce advocate” for our equal rights while watching gay and lesbian members of the armed forces, who have never been more needed, get discharged from the military. And so far you have done nothing. No stop loss order. No call to cease such foolish and discriminatory actions that make our nation less safe.

You pledged to repeal the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy, Mr. President. You promised to support a “complete repeal” of the so-called Defense of Marriage Act and pledged to advocate for legislation that would give same-sex couples the 1,100+ federal rights and benefits we are denied, including the same rights to social security benefits. You said, “Federal law should not discriminate in any way against gay and lesbian couples.”

I am appalled to the point of feeling literally faint with horror and disbelief upon reading this article by Andrew Sullivan of The Atlantic, and here is an excerpt from it:

Here we are, in the summer of 2009, with gay servicemembers still being fired for the fact of their orientation. Here we are, with marriage rights spreading through the country and world and a president who cannot bring himself even to acknowledge these breakthroughs in civil rights, and having no plan in any distant future to do anything about it at a federal level. Here I am, facing a looming deadline to be forced to leave my American husband for good, and relocate abroad because the HIV travel and immigration ban remains in force and I have slowly run out of options (unlike most non-Americans with HIV who have no options at all).

And what is Obama doing about any of these things? What is he even intending at some point to do about these things? So far as I can read the administration, the answer is: nada. We’re firing Arab linguists? So sorry. We won’t recognize in any way a tiny minority of legally married couples in several states because they’re, ugh, gay? We had no idea. There’s a ban on HIV-positive tourists and immigrants? Really? Thanks for letting us know. Would you like to join Joe Solmonese and John Berry for cocktails? The inside of the White House is fabulous these days.

Yesterday, Robert Gibbs gave non-answer after non-answer on civil unions and Obama’s clear campaign pledge to grant equal federal rights for gay couples; non-answer after non-answer on the military’s remaining ban on honest servicemembers. What was once a categorical pledge is now – well let’s call it the toilet paper that it is.

I’m just at a loss to say anything further, but there was one small triumph, one small thing that I could do this week to feel less powerless, so I decided to change my legal name. While M & I discussed it long ago and I’d been meaning to get around to it, on Wednesday I marched into the Social Security Administration offices in Oakland and demanded a legal name change with my marriage certificate in hand. And what do you know, less than five minutes after I stomped into there, I floated out with my receipt in hand, officially Mrs. M. FFAF Tomboy. The next and final step as far as officious bureaus and things are concerned was the DMV, and they asked that I return either after 72 hrs. to verify the SSA change electronically, or once I have my newly issued SSN card in hand, so I’ll do that as soon as it comes in the mail. In the meantime, the change feels FANTASTIC! I love it. In a way, I’m glad I’d procrastinated on taking care of it, because it was somewhat healing and empowering to do it this way, at this time, in response to those cowardly opinions.

Finally, in No More Mr. Nice Gay in The Huffington Post, Michael Rowe beautifully captures the three historical pillars of social exclusion and here’s my favorite excerpt from that article (bolding mine):

The LGBT community isn’t demanding the first gay president…or a lesbian Supreme Court Justice. Yet. What they want, and what they’re fighting for is full membership in American society without the three historical pillars of social exclusion (especially for men): the ability to marry someone of their own choice, the ability to raise and protect a family, and the right to serve and defend their country in the military. If those aren’t “family values,” then “family values” don’t exist. LGBT people are not any threat to “the family.” They are the family: sons, daughters, fathers, mothers, aunts, uncles, husbands, wives. The joining of two families is one of the oldest rites in the history of the human race.

It’s time that the full rights of every American be fully enshrined and protected, and that the battle for those rights be acknowledged as this generation’s defining civil rights battle.

Below are a couple of really great, brief videos to watch if you can’t stand any more on the subject. The first is a video of the (gentle) arrests made on Tuesday in San Francisco immediately following the 10AM announcement. The second is a great TV commercial made by the Courage Campaign, and I closed out with some funny via a parody by The Defenders – it’s pretty awesome and first in a coming series.

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If you made it this far, I thank you and appreciate all the well wishes and sweet thoughts y’all have been passing our way. If any FFAF readers are going to Meet In The Middle tomorrow, I want to know ASAP!

Confession: Here is my outfit for the local fashion show. Guess what? NOT GOOD FOR KNEELING IN THE PHOTOG PIT TO TAKE PHOTOS OF THE MODDLES, GUYZ. Also? Why was I the only one in the photog pit not just in a dress, but FEMALE?!?! Plus, I held hands with a woman on stilts, clad in a flaming red costume with so many sequins. She insisted. There were also people roller skating in head-to-toe spandex with little flashing light tubes twisted around every inch. It was like someone threw up Burning Man into a giant convention center, right into the khaki laps of its attendees. Like, there was actual fire and I didn’t like it, y’all. ACTUAL FIRE FLAMING FIERY HOT AND I WAS YAAAAAWWWWWWWNNNNNNNN. So bored.

The fashion part was stellar, for the most part, like red carpet, hand-beaded Bollywood madness. I wanted to snatch every dreamy tunic off those skinny models and wear them scandalously, without pants, and sky high heels. Plus, I got to pop backstage and meet the designer.

Oh, and I was forced to drink a Jack and coke (I know) and now plan to NEVER go out to one of these things without at least two bottles of mini-booze in my bag. To be on the safe side. Like a grown-up version of a Girl Scout.

PS. M took these photos of me. Didn’t she do a really, really good job? Isn’t the one with two faces awesomely creepy?

PPS. I love love love my new haircut. It is exactly what I wanted and I got it all wavy like this just by scrunching. SCRUNCH.