fitforafemme.com

If there was ever a perfect contrast between butch/femme outfits and how they can be so alike and yet so many universes apart, this is one. Same color scheme, similar textures and casualness, but that’s where it ends. This funny thing happened the other week when I, in a Twitter-broadcast hissyfit about seeing something online, wrote: “Dear brides, just a thought: Maybe don’t ask your dyke/androgynous/butch/boi/whatever friends to wear dresses to your fucking wedding. #jerk”

SEE SOMETHING, SAY SOMETHING, AM I RIGHT?!

Some poor tomboy was either asking the internet for advice or sighing over what to do about being put in that position, I think, and I blew a (protective mama bear) gasket. It’s just so inconsiderate, in a way that goes far beyond a Bridezilla’s god-given right to every little thing being her way on her special magical unicorn day. Can you imagine someone giving me a stern look and saying, “I’m going to need you to wear pants and tie to this event, Jonesey. And don’t even THINK about wearing makeup.” They’d have a big old black eye in two seconds flat.

We took these on Mother’s Day (which was fantastic). I had to change my outfit because M got the worst allergy attack during our picnic, and afterward we raced home and peeled our outfits off in case we were covered in invisible pollen and took a nap and then put on new ones so that M could treat me to a relaxing mani/pedi at my favorite little nail salon in Potrero Hill. So sweet! She kept me company and they served up some ice cold, delicious sangria!

The chambray shirt is from The Gap, the tailored shorts are vintage from 40 South Street in JP. I super duper love that store. It feels like the kind of vintage spot where if you’ve got a little coin to spend, you will certainly find something to love that’s a perfect fit anytime you stroll in, unlike other vintage boutiques which can feel a lot more hit or miss. The strappy canvas sandals with the tiniest wedge are by Tommy Hilfiger. I don’t know what it is lately, but this Spring/Summer I’ve purchased these shoes and two pretty amazing shirt dresses from old Tommy. I think what they have in common is a kind of nonchalant preppy feel, which I’ve been into this year.

Necklaces! I snuck a Culp Baubles lipstick bullet onto this edgy little chain from JewelMint, which has some pretty neat stuff from time to time, and I encourage you to check it out if you’re a jewelry hound like I am. The bronzed disc earrings were a wonderful little birthday surprise from the lovely Nadarine, a lady of exquisite taste and remarkable…skills with cava.

The creamy enamel bow bracelet seems quite old and was thrifted in JP, and the smoky blue ring I’ve got on is from the magical Pretty Penny in Oakland (an airier, slightly larger version of 40 South Street, actually).

What else is new? Well, we’re officially in escrow, our loan has been approved, we’ve got our cross country route all mapped out for early July, and we’re just keeping all of our fingers and toes crossed for the last little bits – a smooth appraisal, title transfer, things like that. The packing has begun and while there’s still seven weeks before Moving Day, we know time will fly and we’d rather get an early start!

It’s so exciting and bittersweet, too, knowing we’ll have to bid adieu to our family and friends while we set sail on this new adventure in our lives…

That’s all for now, dear readers! Hope you’re all well and gearing up for an excellent summer – can you believe it’s nearly here already? 2012, hold your horses!

XOXO,
FFAF

PS. One last one – this one’s got the San Francisco Bay in the background, with good old Oakland and Alameda off on the other end.

Last night after tasty cocktails and fried chicken at Pican, we saw Bright Eyes perform at the beautiful old Fox Theater in downtown Oakland. It was our first time at the venue, though it’s been open for a year or more, at least. Maybe two, who can say? For all its opulence and lavish tucks and corners, the most striking thing for me was this immense wall of ancient switches and levers in the Den, the bar and lounge inside of the Fox, some lit up, most not. M was shocked that I didn’t fuss with them, but I was so completely in awe that I instantly backed away from it, distrustful of my ability to let them be.

Conor was beautiful, the set was incredible, I could have fallen asleep in my own tears and M’s arms with Road to Joy crashing all around me forever, I really could have. I don’t know how he manages to appear more fragile and delicate and marvelous with time, but bless his sweet, awful bleeding heart.

PS. The bangs are back. I couldn’t stand it and then there’s the Boston wedding and that dress which insists, insists, on one last go of it. Damn it. When something that good wants one last go of it, what are you going to do? You’re going to sigh in defeat, snatch the closest pair of scissors, shut your wide eyes and pray to Dolly. (And then the next day you will march your homo ass to the closest, most reputable salon and make them clean up the mess you’ve made of things.) That’s that, then, isn’t it?

I am really, really happy with all of the lovely comments from my last post! It was brilliant to hear who’s from where and what’s unique and rad about where you’re from. If you haven’t seen them, pop over and weigh in or just peruse. Since then we’ve had some ridiculous, short-lived rain and then it was back to the low 60s. We’re slowly but steadily creeping into Spring. It was chilly the night of the show, so I paired some heavy duty tights with this skirt and the vintage lace and sequin blouse, and topped the whole shebang off with my new leather jacket. Honestly, it wasn’t nearly enough to keep me warm enough on Oakland’s breezy streets – I should have had a chunky scarf on with a hat or some fingerless gloves or something.

Pleated Skirt: The Gap
Blouse: Vintage
Perforated Lambskin Leather Jacket: Elie Tahari
Leather Pouch: Modcloth
Necklace: Banana Republic
Ring: H&M
Suede + Gold Bracelet: Lori’s Shoes
Boots: Nine West
Watch: Citizen
Shades: Ray Bans

If maybe you feel like watching the video for Golden Brown by The Stranglers, you may do so here.

WELCOME TO 2011, KITTENS!

We have arrived, at last. My dearest darlings, on this most brand spanking new day all the year round, here’s to wonder and good fortune newfound. I hope you all had a grand old New Year’s Eve, full of deliciously naughty and wonderful things, with a sloppy wet kiss on top (for good measure). So many of you, so it seems, have had a spectacularly shit 2010, and I do hope things take a turn for the best this year.

Here are some of my favorite inspirations, because why not share what makes you happy?

Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year.

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Here’s to the roses and lilies in bloom.
You in my arms and I in your room.
A door that is locked, a key that is lost, a bird and a bottle, and a bed badly tossed, and a night that is 50 years long.

- SF’s very own Herb Caen

2009 wasn’t the easiest for us, we faced a lot of challenges and endured staggering loss. I’m not gloating when I say that 2010 was pretty tremendous. We needed it to be. We certainly earned it.

We had a steady stream of lovely houseguests, and walked countless miles on SF’s streets. I read Anna Karenina. I met the man behind Bulleit bourbon. I took an incredibly empowering self-defense course. We took fencing together on a whim, which was equally hot and challenging. M took me to paradise Isla Mujeres for my 30th birthday. Her company went public. FFAF was a top contender for a Lezzy Award in the Culture / Entertainment category, and saw collaborations with Tulle, Modcloth, and Autostraddle. I became a member of the Femme Collective and helped to organize, then attended and presented at the Femme Conference. I started a terrific new job. The petite left home for the first time on a service learning trip to Nicaragua. We road tripped to Portland. We stayed at a 4-star resort in Carlsbad. We spent a long, rainy, perfect weekend in a tiny cabin in the wine country, along the Russian River. We went to a “no pants” party, I went to two Stars and Rufus Wainwright shows each, I got bangs, I grew them out, I got them again. I, master scorner of music festivals, went to Hardly Strictly Bluegrass and the Treasure Island Music Festival. We discovered that we’re too old for SF Pride (but not for the Dyke March). I fell in love with the World Cup, managed to find a nugget of pleasure in baseball (but only just), Miette, the Creme Brulee Guy and El Porteno’s empanadas. We moved. Again. And we’re so, so happy.

We’ve vowed to hit the new punching bag (20,000 for M; 10,000 for me), explore more small batch whiskeys, not get groped by TSA, and to throw ourselves into a secret project for 2011. I want to invest more in my studio for FFAF, read a book per week on average, visit the shooting range a few times per year, and ride horses as often as I can afford to.

What are you looking forward to in 2011?

Fur: Vintage
Blouse: Kensie
Vest: Jenny Han
Skirt: Old Navy
Tights: The Gap
Shoes: Elie Tahari
Bag: Freebird by The Sak

Here are some cheeky pics from our New Year’s kiss last night!

XOXO,

FFAF

When I was little, I read like a fiend. The librarian let me check my own stacks out. I’d emerge from the doors of my sleepy little library with a pile of books in my arms that teeter-tottered above my line of sight. When I was little and my family would nestle into a cabin high up in Trinity Alps each summer, I’d see one of those logging trucks with unbelievably massive bundles of cut trees on the road, and I’d burst into tears. Such a wee hippie! I don’t think I ever made the connection, nor did the hypocrisy occur to me then. I reckon this is a fine example of the blissful ignorance of youth.

Years later and I’ve still a deep, abiding fondness for books, and for cabins tucked into wilderness.

Places like Powell’s become a little wonderland.

I think during our very brief stay in Portland we ended up at Powell’s three times! I invested in a super bright book light, which is spectacularly nerdy but, like, I needed one for the road. The staff recommendations were really fun and the little rainbow flags were quite helpful in identifying The Gay. This location is called the City of Books, and as the website says, it’s the “largest used and new bookstore in the world…occupying an entire city block, the City stocks more than a million new and used books. Nine color coded rooms house over 3,500 different sections, offering something for every interest, including an incredible selection of out-of-print and hard-to-find titles.” I came dangerously close to dropping hundreds of dollars on big, weighty, beautiful books, but the limited space in our car and luggage anchored me to my better judgment.

(But seriously, when is it ever a BAD thing to buy another book? N E V E R.)

M very sweetly paused to snap these in the fashion section.

Riding Pants: The Gap
Tank: Nordstrom Rack
Denim: Old Navy
Vintage Scarf, Boots: Rock n’ Rose (Portland, OR)
Bag: Betsey Johnson

HELLO, KITTENS!

How the hell are you? It’s been a week! A whole week!

Before anything else: Thank you for voting for Fit For A Femme, even if we didn’t win a Lezzy Award this year, we stood up there with the big dogs and it was totally awesomesauce, and I lovelovelove y’all for voting day in and day out with all your might.

So, I got this mini whilst thrifting for, like, $2, NWT. It makes for a great casual, relaxed look, but where the hell does The Gap get off charging $50 for a tiny denim miniskirt? Not that it isn’t great. It is. It’s just that I wouldn’t dream of wearing this without leggings on underneath. It’s SCANDALOUSLY short. And tiny. And not worth that crazy sticker price, which makes finding it for next to nothing that much sweeter. I went BANANAS thrifting last week. It was a month-end clearance sale, and I got 15 super awesome pieces – from a beautiful azure blue sunhat with the most dramatic brim to an armful of calico sundresses for Spring to a soft chestnut brown shrunken velvet blazer (it screams equestrian) – for just under $35 and in less than 1.25 hours. SCORE. Shopping = femme sports.

What else? Oh, you know, not much. I completed my utterly life-changing self-defense training on Sunday, and new bruises are STILL popping up all over my body. Badges of honor, my instructor calls them. I had the privilege of fighting FIVE fights at my graduation ceremony (with M and the petite there to support and cheer me on), instead of the standard three. DO NOT MESS, Y’ALL.

I was just named a member of the Femme Collective, which is gearing up for Femme2010: No Restrictions this August. Femmes, mark your calendars (and reserve your spot on the infamous Skinny + M sofabed now if you’re an out-of-towner)! Speaking of M, she and I are headed across the Bay Bridge next week for a meeting with other legally wed California couples to discuss next steps as powerful advocates for marriage equality, which I’m really excited about. Writing checks and being visible and all that is well and good, but I never feel like I’m doing enough unless I’m doing.

I will be a busy girl. A busy, happy, girly girl!

Also, we just ordered her a pair of these dapper new shoes:

CONFESSION: This outfit was my attempt at being comfortable and cozy on a big double-decker twilight bus tour of San Francisco on a clear and beautiful evening in August. Guess what!? I froze my tits off, despite the fact that I had a leather jacket on. And tights. And boots. Sigh. My travel companions had only the thinnest cashmere sweaters and / or hoodies on, and they were even worse off. I desperately wished that I’d brought my navy blue earmuffs for skiing with me! Still, it was a great time for everyone, and when we all disembarked way down on the water, right next to the Hyde St. Maritime Museum, we stumbled into the warm and fragrant embrace of Lou’s Blues Club for dinner. My fried chicken was BOSS. We thawed off in no time at all, and even headed to Ghirardelli for massive helpings of ice cream for dessert. It was excellent!

(more…)

Confession: Putting song lyrics on the faux-Polaroids is my new jam, y’all! This afternoon was such a lovely, crisp, warm afternoon that M and I took a very late Italian lunch. M, still recovering from strep throat (awful), abstained, but we were seated outdoors and I couldn’t resist a glass of prosecco. I was carded when I ordered it, however, and I blame it entirely on the bunny dress. Speaking of dresses, after our lovely lunch I tipsily suggested we wander into a little boutique I like (I forget its name…Crush? That’s it, Crush.), where I found the most adorable Spring dress by BB Dakota, and M scooped it up for me. (I think she likes it when I let her pick out my dresses – I’ve also recently informed her that she can select ALL of my new nail polish colors, as she often picks out shades I’d never try that end up looking gorgeous.) It was a very sweet afternoon.